Friday, November 2, 2007

Same Old Scousers, Always Stealing

Liverpool fans will ramble on about all the class and history they have even though they've been branded the worst fans in Europe by UEFA. They try to roll ambulances with patients in them, start riots and rob their own players.

It's certainly no surprise that another Liverpool player has been victimized. The surprise comes at the level of sophistication. Usually Scousers smash and grab. They stick with robbing houses and stealing hubcaps. This time, we could be in for some identity theft. Perhaps we can't put this on them. It's a bit complicated.

Liverpool defender John Arne Riise's payslip was made public and now anyone interested can know exactly what he makes in addition to personal information such as his home address and national insurance number.

The Norwegian defender will be concerned that his home address has been released given that four of his Liverpool team-mates, José Manuel Reina, Peter Crouch, Jerzy Dudek and Daniel Agger have been burgled this year.
The slip appeared on several football fan forums and show the breakdown in pay in addition to his student loan payments. Pay for work and loan payments. That's sure to piss off any real Scouser!

Now Riise has to worry about home burglary in addition to identity theft. Maybe he and other Liverpool players should have second homes with advertised addresses so people will rob them instead. Insurance will cover the losses if they decide to go with real furniture instead of the prop furniture used in stores. Yeah that's it.

Dexter Manley Will Pay Your Rent

I suppose this would almost qualify as a free ad but it's too good to pass up. A friend of the Deuce found this ad on Craigslist yesterday. Apparently Dexter Manley will pay your November and December rent if you rent an apartment this weekend.

Stop by this Saturday between 1-3 and meet Redskin Hall of Fame Defensive End Dexter Manley! Dexter will give you FREE RENT UNTIL JANUARY 2008 if you rent this weekend! You can also enter a drawing to win an official AUTOGRAPHED NFL Throwback Jersey, Football and Autographed Pictures! Some restrictions apply!
Dexter looks awfully happy in the picture above. Can't say I blame him. Going from illiterate to paying everyone's rent is truly an American success story. I hope he read the small print on his contract with the management company. If he's not careful, he'll end up actually paying the rent for anyone that rents this weekend.

Hopefully the throwback jersey is a signed Jeff George Redskins jersey from the Monday Night game where he sacked himself in the pocket even though there was no pressure.

Alex Zanardi Is A Hard Muthaf--ka

Alex Zanadrdi don't play. He's not about that fake studio gangsta b.s.

In case you don't remember Zanardi, here's a video clip of his last CART race in 2001.

In case you don't speak German, he managed to walk away from the crash and fly himself to the hospital in his personal helicopter. Oh, never mind. He lost both legs but he managed to survive and return to racing on the World Touring Car Championship circuit.

This Sunday, Zanardi's racing in the New York City Marathon. He's competing in the handcycle division. He's only doing it to prove a point.

Race car driver Alex Zanardi was chatting with a manager at a pasta manufacturer he endorses about getting involved with the New York City Marathon, for which the company, Barilla, sponsors a prerace dinner. Zanardi, who lost both legs in a horrific crash during a 2001 race, quipped that he could compete in the marathon.

Silence. Then the manager said, "You're crazy."

"Up to that point, I was just joking. When he told me I couldn't do something," Zanardi said, "in my head, it's 'You've got to prove it now."'

He's had less than a month to prepare. What's your excuse, bitch?

This Is How We Do It

Chelsea never makes anything easy. How do you blow a Premiership team out by six goals then come back and almost lose to a lower division team? Why can't they take my blood pressure under consideration? Me and my peoples already have enough going against us. Sickle cell, genetic predisposition to chicken, high blood pressure, crazy white boys, etc.

Chelsea's just piling on.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Site Redesign Coming

The Deuce will be changing soon. No more dog poo background, its time for something new. We might even have ourselves a nifty logo at the top instead of the text we have now. Things are a changin.

We are going to try to keep the color scheme the same and we're going to have 3 columns instead of the 2 we currently have in an effort to clean up the page a bit. Does anyone have any suggestions, comments, wishes, or hate they want to get off their chest before the redesign is complete? Leave a comment, let the Deuce know what's on your mind.

Road to Over 40 wins BEGINS

The over/under on total wins for the Washington Wizards is 40 games. FOURTY GAMES?? You kidding me? How is a team that finished 42-40 in the 2005-06 season and 41-41 last season (with a TON of injuries) predicted to win less than 40 games? Gilbert, Caron and Antawn must be licking their chops if they know about this...and if I had access to an online gambling site I would be too. While we're here, here is one homer's look at the Wizards roster for the year. I dont see how this team doesnt win 41 games...maybe because its all offense and no defense, i dunno.

G. Arenas - Easily one of the top 5 scorers in the league
A. Blatche - Finally figuring it all out, very talented all around player
C. Butler - Easily one of the top 40 players in the league
A. Daniels - Quality veteran bench player
B. Haywood - Needs to produce more with Etan out
A. Jamison - Getting old, but just shoots more and more from outside
R. Mason - Young bench scoring, not much else
D. McGuire - Rookie unknown, could be an great defender
O. Pecherov - Essentially a rookie, can score and rebound off bench
D.Songaila - Experienced scorer, good size and outside shot
D. Stevenson - Experienced defender, can score when he gets the chance
E.Thomas - Done for the year with bad heart
N. Young - Rookie, but can score in bunches, will be big off bench

New Way to Cheat Just Around The Corner

Scientists at SUNY Stony Brook have found that by putting mice on a platform that buzzes at a low frequency for 15 minutes a day, five days a week, for 15 weeks, they have 27 percent less fat than mice that did not stand on the platform — and correspondingly more bone.

“Bone is notorious for ‘use it or lose it,’” Dr. Rubin said. “Astronauts lose 2 percent of their bone a month. People lose 2 percent a decade after age 35. Then you look at the other side of the equation. Professional tennis players have 35 percent more bone in their playing arm. What is it about mechanical signals that makes Roger Federer’s arm so big?”
Apparently this vibration triggers those mechanical signals to grow more bone instead of storing fat in the marrow. The caution is that they don't know if it works in humans yet and maybe it will work to well and cause too much bone growth.

Some answers may come from the federal clinical trial, which will include 200 elderly people in assisted living.

...and maybe Barry Bonds.

Which NFL or MLB team will be the first to invest in this so that their players never break their bones again? Patriots with their mad genius coach, Redskins with their bottomless money pit owner? Sure, we're about 10 steps away from players becoming Wolverine with bones laced in metal, but super boned athletes would be one hell of a way to never see players get hurt because of a broken bone. Sign Ken Griffey up right away.

From NY Times

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Can Boston Fans Really Be This Dumb?

Yes...yes they can.

I'm John Cheney And I Approved This Message

Kobe Better Stock Up On Khakis

If blog hater Sam Smith is right, Kobe Bryant might need to load up on Dockers and start wearing his work ID around his neck even when he's not at work.

Smith reports that Kobe Bryant could move to the Washington Wizards with Agent Zero moving the other way. Most seem to think that a move to the Bulls is inevitable but an unnamed GM familiar with the Bryant talks thinks a Lakers-Wizards trade could happen.

This seems like a long shot as a one for one trade would be highly unlikely. Smith notes that the Lakers would also want a power forward which the Wizards don't have. Bryant also has a no-trade clause and hasn't expressed any interest in going to DC.

Arenas is talking about opting out of his contract after this season. He's from Los Angeles and has become a star, one of the league's highest-scoring players and an engaging personality who would embrace the Hollywood scene. He would meet the Lakers' demands for an All-Star player if they trade Bryant.
On the other hand, Bryant would find it hard to go from hanging at Teddy's to kicking it with the douchebags at Lauriol Plaza. I just don't see Kobe dropping $21,000 on jello shots at Millie and Al's. However the upside for Vanessa Bryant would be the less rapetastic nature of the city. No worries about Kobe getting into trouble for that anymore.

Miami Said Knock You Out

Little did the Rappin' Phins know they were talking about Trent "Scrambled Eggs" Green.

They also didn't realize that the 2007 Dolphins would have something in common with Hammer when he went bankrupt.

Somewhere Too Big MC and Angie B are rolling over in their graves.

Monday, October 29, 2007

What Do You Get When You Cross Renée Zellweger And A Gator

The only fraud that was committed was me thinking that I knew what it was like... that I really understood what it was like to be married, and I really didn't.
The assclown says not so fast my friend. The other fraud was fronting like you were a Tenneesee fan when you are really a Florida fan.

The only thing worse than being a loser is being a two time loser. We're not ones to make fun of family strife ... unless sports are involved. Kenny Chesney bought into the Renee Zellweger hype and lost. Instead of learning his lesson, he decided to double up and go all in on Tim Tebow. The Georgia Bulldogs would like to thank Chesney for his interest in the Florida Gators and wish him the best of luck in his future endeavors. The Tennessee Vols wish he was never born.
Such talk began in March after Chesney performed in Gainesville, Fla., the home of the University of Florida Gators, one of the University of Tennessee's fiercest Southeastern Conference rivals. At a concert there, Gator football fans came up on stage and put their team's helmet on Chesney's head.

With the helmet firmly in place, Chesney continued to entertain the crowd, who loved the sight of seeing their favorite country music star wearing the symbol of their pride.

Local fan anger was raised again in September when Chesney attended this year's Vols-Gator game in Gainesville, which the Vols lost, 59-20. There, he was spotted mingling with Florida supporters and seen posing for photographs with cheerleaders and the mascot for the Gators.
Chesney's lifetime loyalty to the Vols is being questioned by Tenneesee fans who are furious about his fraternization with other SEC past and present greats like the ol' ballcoach Steve Spurrier.
"He's been to a lot of shows," Chesney said. "So if anybody sees me and Steve down on the sidelines, me saying 'hi' (to him), don't ask for my head on Monday morning on WIVK."
At least he's not rubbing shoulders with original Judas Nick Saban.

A True American Hero

Joey Chestnut is on a mission this year, his mission is to bring all the competitive eating trophies back to the good ole US of A. In July, Chestnut won the Nathan's Hot Dog eating contest, crushing his wounded opponent Takeru Kobayashi. On Sunday, Chestnut did it again. Joey Chestnut ate 103 sliders in 8 minutes at the Krystal Burgers Square Off, beating Kobayashi's previous record of 97 set last year and pocketing a cool $10,000.

Unfortunately, Kobayashi was unable to attend this year's competition due to lingering pain in his jaw. Sucker.

Lets take a look at ALL of Chestnut's gastronomical (ouch i know) records:

8.6 pounds Tempura Deep Fried Aspargus Spears in 10 min
7.5 lbs Buffalo Chicken Wings in 12 min
182 chicken wings in 30 min
47 grilled cheese sandwiches in 10 min
212 chicken and vegetable gyoza in 10 min
6 lbs, 5 oz horseshoe sandwiches in 12 min
66 Nathan's Famous Hot Dogs and Buns in 12 min
118 Jalapeno Poppers in 10 min
4.82 lbs Pizza Hut P'Zones in 6 min
8.4 pounds pork rib meat in 12 min
9 Pounds, 6 Ounces Smoked, Pulled Pork in 10 min
45 pulled pork sandwiches in 10 min
22.5 Waffle House Waffles (8 oz.) in 10 min
...and now this. Way to go Joey Chestnut. You are a true American hero. USA! USA! USA!

This is Talent


What the Patriots did to the Washington Redskins last night was the worst loss I have ever seen in all my years of Redskins fandom. Think thats a stretch? The last time they lost near that bad was in 1961 when the Giants beat them 53-0.

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