Saturday, August 11, 2007

Give It Up For Chocolate Milk

Tyrone Willingham is unwilling to let physical fatigue take away the Huskies' dignity. The Washington Huskies have added chocolate milk to their practice regimen as a way of replenishing carbs after practice.

"We've always used Gatorade," [Huskies athletic trainer Rob] Scheidegger said. "But we're always trying to find ways to get natural foods into people. So if we can find a natural product at the end of practice that aids with recovery, keeps them hydrated and gives them the energy that they need we're going to go with something like that."
Players are now required to drink a carton of chocolate milk in addition to Gatorade after practice. Oh Nelly, Keith Jackson's gonna be pissed.

Players who are lactose intolerant are required to drink Malk instead of chocolate milk. Upon hearing this news, Notre Dame head coach Charlie Weis required himself to drink a jug of buttermilk after each practice as a way of replenishing his gunt.

They play so fine. Don't you agree?

Keeping It Real Barca

Link: Courtesy of my Detroit/Paris connection Glendon @ Football Roundtable

Friday, August 10, 2007

Who's Dead Sexy?

Who knew a question could make an athlete come close to hyperventilation?

I bet Kordell Stewart would have no problem answering this question. There we go contributing to the problem.

Bonds Has 1 More Person To Catch

Sure, Bonds hit another home run Wednesday night to give him 757 for the year...he is still 111 home runs behind the TRUE home run champ, Sadaharu Oh. Oh is the world wide leader of home runs with 868 career homers. Thats more home runs than anyone has ever hit, anywhere on the planet (at least on record). He played in the Japanese leagues for 22 years (1959-1980) with the Yomiuri Giants and finished with a .301 batting average for his career, proving he was not just a slugger, but an amazing, overall hitter.

The truly admirable thing about Oh is that he did not need steroids or supplements or a multitude of trainers and therapists to jack those long balls. Oh used samurai physical training techniques, aikido for body balance and trained using sword slices to perfect his swing. If only Bonds worked harder, instead of finding every technological edge (ie: cheating) possible, maybe he could've achieved the feats that Sadaharu Oh did naturally. I guess he'll just have to be happy with still being second best to somebody.

Source: Time Magazine

Andray Blatche Shoulda Dialed A Ho

He said he didn't do it. Sure Andray, we know the truth. Really though, he coulda avoided this whole mess if he just used John Tricky's "Ho's 4 Happiness", sure its normally for politicians, but c'mon, you will filalbustanut! Whomever made this...I thank you.

Thursday, August 9, 2007

Random Video of Horrific Violence: Couch Racing

This is why mom always said "No racing couches down a hill!" when I was a little boy. Be careful watching it...people look like they got hurt REAL bad on this one. Not sure if this is a sport, its just a couch flying downhill real fast...but hey, if cars flying around a circle real fast is a sport, then SO IS THIS! Seriously, people look like they got ruined on this...I am almost sorry I posted it but hey, that is what Random Video of Horrific Violence Thursdays are for. Watch:

From Gorillamask via EvilChili

The Perfect Kick

This guy kicks 3 boards at once, doing a 5400 in the and your puny 1 board kick can SUCK IT!

540 Kick - The best bloopers are here

ESPN Iz In Ur Komputr, Takin Ova Ur Gamez

This may or may not actually be ESPN owned, but there is a website out there called ESPN Bar Sports, run by 15 Letters Inc. I cannot find a link of this on ESPN's actual site, but here, you can, from the comfort of your own home, play Air Hockey, Bar Curling and Coin Toss all from what appears to be a reasonable facsimile of your local ESPNZone. Here's a screengrab in 3 parts of the main room, where you click on the sign for the game to play and my review below:

I played the coin toss and the bar curling, the curling is fantastic, held my attention for quite a bit. Strange that ESPN would actually make something kinda fun, and offer it for free...but even more strange is that the people of ESPN do not have this on their webpage at all...anywhere, and yet it supposedly won a 2007 webby award? I choose not to dwell on these questions and just play though. If only they had the pop & shot basketball and the football throw game...then we'd be set.

Link for ESPN Bar Sports here

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Steelers Have A New Mascot

The Deuce is proud to introduce you to, Steely McBeam! Wait...Steely McBeam? That is bad, it sounds like the Simpsons made a joke of a mascot of them?! This is the worst name of a mascot I've heard since the Nationals used a character from Saved By The Bell as their mascot. I mean, not to pull a Seinfeld, but "who are the marketing geniuses who thought of this?" Oh, it was a fan contest, Diane Roles of Valencia, PA was a lady with an idea that captured the minds and hearts of the entire Steeler franchise...I could think of a few that might've worked a bit better and that might be more representative of the team & town:

Shirtless McDrunk (oh wait that's already Casey Hampton )Tubby McFat

Welfare McPoor

Tatty McInk

Dumbass McDumb

From Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

X-treme Chess Picture-taking

Ever wanted to make chess more exciting? Ever wanted to make rollercoaters look more lame? How 'bout if you played chess on a rollercoaster, while taking a picture looking deep in contemplative thought would that work? I love how these people can actually sit and play chess...without actually looking scared out of their mind from the impending drop. Impressive. Extreme indeed. Slow news day indeed.

For more pics, click here at

A Message To The PhDs

I hate having to write about Barry Bonds the day after he broke Hank Aaron's home run record. Enough will be said about it and the cloud over him. Most of it will be half-ass and redundant. However something else related to the Bonds story has come to my attention thanks to the words and actions of Bud Selig and Dale Murphy.

Michael Wilbon's August 7th column mirrors my position on the recent words and actions of Bud Selig.

What Selig is doing, by just sitting there in some sky suite, is taking the easy non-confrontational way out. Implicitly, he's blaming Bonds specifically and exclusively for baseball's larger problem of steroid use, even though it's a generational problem of which Bonds is a symptom but hardly the cause. Of course, there's great irony in the fact that the pitcher who gave up the record-tying home run has tested positive for steroid use in the minor leagues. In this regard, the chickens have come home to roost; baseball is getting exactly what it deserves.
Selig is nothing but a fool and a coward. For too long, baseball treated steroids the way China treats the Darfur issue. They talked around the issue as though the problem was non-existent until it got out and then they acted surprised. It's shocking baseball is doing as well as it is considering Selig's ham-handed reign of idiocy and that's an insult to sweet, delicious ham.

Selig's feigned disgust as Bonds approached 756 was pathetic and hypocritical at best. This is a situation he helped to create. Wilbon describes him as a "paralyzed commissioner, one whose inability to be decisive in this situation is making him and the game look bad". This has been the case too often when it comes to Selig and big decisions. One only need look at the way he bent over for the owners during the Montreal Expos/Washington Nationals saga or his conflict of interest due to his long-time family ownership of the Milwaukee Brewers several years ago to see a pattern of incompetence and an inability to step up to the plate when it comes time to make important decisions.

On the opposite end of the spectrum we have people like Dale Murphy.
"Barry's a great player, there's no question about it, but he put an asterisk by his name on his own. He's deserved all the negative publicity that he's getting. I mean, people are calling up and complaining, I've heard the last few weeks, that that he's being treated unfairly. You know, life just usually isn't like that. You don't usually get treated unfairly. You usually get what you deserve. This is what Barry deserves. He's a hard guy to like. He's a hard teammate to have and, you know, he's set a terrible example for our kids."
Let me get this straight. He's guilty because he's an asshole? It's interesting that so many people are willing to crucify Bonds even though he has never tested positive. I am of the opinion that for many (not all), Bonds is guilty because he is an unlikable personality. Contrast him with Lance Armstrong. Speak on it, Wilbon.
"Contrast that with iconic cyclist Lance Armstrong, who whenever he is accused of using some kind of performance enhancer, goes on 'Larry King Live' or 'SportsCenter' and eloquently faces his critics. There is only circumstantial evidence against Armstrong, too, as he's never tested positive for a banned substance. But Armstrong, who has beaten cancer and is eminently cheery and welcoming, receives every benefit of the doubt even though so many people have accused him of cheating it's impossible to keep track. The sport of cycling is a mess because of cheating, but Armstrong is seen as being separate and apart, even above, his sport's mess."
We all have our opinions on whether Bonds used performance-enhancing drugs just as we all have our opinion on Lance Armstrong. I wonder how many people believe that Bonds is guilty while also believing that Armstrong is innocent. Bonds, for whatever reason, has chosen to tell the world that he doesn't care about their opinion and of course that makes people furious especially self-righteous baseball writers and players like Curt Schilling and Murphy.
"Even in a court of law you can have ... a preponderance of circumstantial evidence to convict somebody ... Now, maybe I'm wrong, but when you get enough stuff on a guy, you can make a decision and it's just really a no-brainer. The guy would have become one of the great ones, anyway. ... But now, he sucked the fun and the life right out of it. I mean, there is enough evidence to me to say without a doubt he used performance-enhancing drugs. He hit 73 home runs when he was 37. I mean, Hank would have hit 855 if he had the same advantage."
Dale Murphy's a regular Perry Mason. He'd do well on the bench at a Guantanamo military tribunal. I'm a fool for going over $100k in loans to get a law degree.

Bottom line: There's way too much hypocrisy and bullshit flying around the steroids controversy from all sides. I'm not here to defend Bonds and say definitively that he did not use performance-enhancing drugs. People like Selig and Murphy make it that much harder to deal with the issue. I hate saying this but I do think that if Bonds were more of a "people-person", less people would be so vehement in their anger over his accomplishments. This is not to say that many would not suspect him.

For the record, Dale Murphy was a favorite of mine growing up. At the risk of sounding hypocritical, I do suspect that Bonds used performance-enhancing drugs. I suspect he did along with numerous others. However, he's never tested positive. Suspicion does not equal guilt. The same goes for Armstrong. If we're going to asterisk Bonds, we better asterisk a bunch of players and their records but that's not going to happen. Baseball needs to admit it dropped the ball and move on with a stronger performance-enhancing drug policy in place. Writers need to accept that fact that the game is not pure and hasn't been for a long time. Stop trying to act as though it is, Bonds is the first one to stain the game and that the damage is irreparable. Records are meant to be broken and someone will pass his final home run number too. Hank Aaron may not have been there but he still gave a video tribute to Bonds last night. That should be good enough for you in the absence of a positive drug test or admission of guilt. If you want someone or something to blame, blame baseball as a whole for ignoring the problem. Give Bonds his due because whether you like it or not, he's one of the best to play the game with or without the drugs.

BFF Time At The U

"The U" Hurricanes coach Randy Shannon wasn't playing when he said he was going to change the atmosphere in the locker room. His stated goal was to make them a team instead of a grouping of individuals. No more names on the jerseys. Butt Buddies. Wha wha wha?

Manny Navarro blogs on all things Hurricane over at the Miami Herald. He was lucky enough to be around when Coach Shannon discussed Graig Cooper and Jarrvis James.

"When asked about Cooper in the spring, Shannon said: 'I think Coop did a great job. He brought some some excitement to the team. And he's a calm guy. He's not an arrogant or flamboyant guy.' It was going well, then coach goofed. 'Belive it or not, he and Javarris James are kind of like butt buddies.'
There's only one place to go at a time like this. Are you thinking what we're thinking?

You might want ... No, you better turn the the volume down if you're at work unless you want to be a lady or gentleman of leisure.

What were you thinking, you homophobic bastard? It's so good to have Luke back at the U. Don't stop, git it, git it indeed.

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Ramming Speed, Mate

Jose Canseco is willing to stoop pretty low to keep his name in the limelight. Steroids couldn't help him become the best at baseball and they're certainly not going to help him become a bigger douchebag than Warwick Capper.

Capper appears to be Australia's version of Jose Canseco, Pete Rose and Paul Gascoigne combined. Desperation extraordinaire if you will. He was once the highest paid player in the AFL as well as two-time Coleman Medal runner-up and master of the short shorts. Since then he has experienced a swift downfall and it appears that he's done it without the aid of drugs or alcohol รก la Gazza.

Since leaving the game, he's been a stripper, meter maid, "lollipop man" (school crossing guard) and "he was beaten up and left with a bloody nose by a Russian film-maker on the Coober Pedy set of the road movie Yobbo Up The Guts". Now he's made a porno with his girlfriend and allegedly sold it for a six figure sum to an porn distributor. puts "six-figure sum" in quotes and we're inclined to go along with them. Why? Let Capper explain.

"I've had a lot of practice being a sex symbol so if you've got it, flaunt it. It's every man's fantasy. I think I'm Australia's answer to Paris Hilton. Someone also said I am like David Beckham. I'm a good-looking footballer with the same quick wit."

Australia's answer to Paris Hilton, eh? Guess he's carrying herpes around like luggage and he's been run through more times than the Lincoln Tunnel. Yahoo Serious better watch out next time he's out on the town.

The porn distributor thinks he can get $1 million for the movie. "He's got a remote control, zooming in and zooming out."

Zooming in and out? Sweet baby Jesus. What will they think of next? Wait until they find out about closed captioning and picture-in-picture.

Next March, Capper's going to enter the Gold Coast mayoral race. Mr. Capper, we at the Deuce salute your vigor.

Oh if you want to purchase some memorabilia from his playing days, you can do so at Yeah ... Warrick. He's so good he doesn't have to spell his name right. Eat that, Jose.