Saturday, May 3, 2008

We Don't Need Another Hero

Thank you, Jose Offerman. Your services are no longer needed. Like his hero Offerman, pitcher Olivio Astacio brings new meaning to the phrase "batshit crazy".

Astacio was released from the Pirates organization yesterday after attacking a teammate with a bat during an argument at extended spring training.

Astacio and the other player were having an argument, the sources said, and Astacio struck the player's leg with a swing of his bat. He swung again and missed before the incident was broken up.

The other player -- who was not identified -- is not seriously injured, and no charges have been filed. But Pirates management, already wary of Astacio's troubled past throughout his professional career, promptly released him Thursday.
Astacio is the Ryan Perrilloux of the minors. He has also been benched for a whole season by the Red Sox for disciplinary reasons and broken his hand in a fight after pitching one game in 2006. No word on whether the Bengals will try to convert him to a football player.

Since we stretched for the post title, we might as well give it to you here and below:

Thanks to Nyjer Please for the tip.

Friday, May 2, 2008

Guess who wants to be the Nate Newton of track and field.

It's Good To Be The King

Make the Champions League final and party until 4 AM the next day. Cool. Party with a porn star like the Sixers? Hell yea...wait, which one?

Chelsea captain John Terry and several players partied until 7 AM at Chinawhite in London. They were joined by ex-porn star Jenna Jameson who recently seems to be doing everything she can to stop being attractive.

Reportedly, adult film star Jenna moved her table right next to the Chelsea stars and wowed them with her raunchy dancing, as they continued to rack up their hefty bar bill, which ended up at an estimated £10,000.
Unfortunately for one, two or all of them, she was tossed for trying to do drugs in the bathroom so no bukakke or happy endings for anyone. Bugger!

The Cincinnati Bengals Are Like School On A Saturday

As the sun rises and sets so continues the commitment to criminal excellence by the Cincinnati Bengals.

LB Ahmad Brooks has been accused of punching a woman in the face last month. According to the victim, Brooks and a neighbor got into an argument. She attempted to play peacemaker and was about as successful as George Clooney's movie of the same name. She ended up unconscious with a black eye.

Brooks told the neighbor that he was going to “split his head open,” Rosich wrote in her statement.

That when she “nicely approached” Brooks and asked him to stop and “take it somewhere else,” according to the statement.

“He then pulled back his fist and struck (punched) me in the left eye,” Rosich wrote. “I then fell and blacked out.”

When Rosich gained consciousness, she grabbed her children, ran inside her home, called 911 and was taken to an area emergency room.
I imagine it went down something like this:

Brooks is scheduled to appear in court on June 6th to answer the assault charges. Keep in mind that he was dismissed from the UVA football team and cost the Bengals a draft pick when he was drafted last year.

It's rare to find such draft consistency from a team's manangement. We should salute the Bengals' vigor.

I Think They Like Celtic Because They Like The Color Green

Here's some video of Newcastle's Damien Duff and Spurs striker Robbie Keane celebrating Celtic's win over Rangers on Sunday.

Keane's teammate Alan Hutton must be thrilled with Keane as he stands to receive a winner's share and medal if Rangers win the SPL. They're five points behind Celtic but have three games in hand. How the hell does that even happen?? The words of the immortal Barry Glendenning come to mind but I don't need to start a sectarian battle. They do that just fine on their own.

This Is Not Cougar Country

Finally. It took Dwyane Wade long enough but he finally came out and spoke about the nature of his association with Star Jones. Leave it to Kenny Smith and Charles Barkley to ask the important questions. Hopefully George Stephanopoulos was taking notes.

Wade claimed that he and Jones are just "good friends"

“Star is an unbelievable woman. We have a great, great relationship. As friends.”

Sir Charles also referred to Jones as a cougar who is "praying on a young Dwayne Wade". Sir I know cougars and Star Jones is no cougar.

Wade needs to put an end to this. Charles needs to take him out of his Fave 5 until he gets his head straight. Would this have happened if Shaq were still on the Heat? Probably not because he would have been rightly shamed into submission. Wait until Star starts demanding front row, all you can eat seats during Heat games next season. She'll scream for Hebrew National and Sbarro sponsorships, a staple will pop and game over. They'll be wheeling her out in Dwyane's wheelchair.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

NFL Rookie Prop Bets Are Out

Now that the NFL draft is over, the odds makers have spoken with what they think about this years draft class. The leading candidate for Offensive Rookie of the Year is Darren McFadden currently at 3-1 odds. The surprise 2nd choice is Jacksonville's Jonathan Stewart at 6-1 odds, followed by Matt Ryan at 8-1, Kevin Smith at 9-1, Rashard Mendenhall at 10-1 and Felix Jones at 12-1 odds. Anyone that wants to make some long-shot bets can look at #1 draft choice Jake Long who is at 30-1 odds or Earl Bennett at 100-1 odds.

No surprise that running backs are the top choices here because since 1997, 7 out of 11 times a running back has won the award with WR and QB's winning the award twice each. I am surprised that Joe Flacco has just 18-1 odds at winning the award, behind even 2nd round draft choice Devin Thomas who is at 16-1. I guess they are expecting a Boller-type effort from the Baltimore rookie. Also interesting is that Mendenhall is ahead of Felix Jones in the lines, even though Jones went before him in the draft. Both will be on running back by committee teams, but apparently the odds makers like the chances that Mendenhall will overtake or steal carries from Willie Parker more than Jones doing the same with Marion Barber.

The biggest shocker is that Kevin Smith in Detroit, a 3rd round pick and #64 overall is at 9-1 odds, the 4th most favorite person to win the rookie of the year! 7 running backs were chosen before Smith but he is the 3rd favorite running back to win the award. Do they know something we don't? Sure he's probably going to start, but that certainly does not guarantee success in Detroit, i mean have they had a good running back there since Barry Sanders? Also surprising is that Matt Forte, the 44th pick in the draft is at 13-1 odds to win, ahead of Chris Johnson, the 24th pick, who is at 18-1. They must not think highly of the RB situation in Tennessee.

At Defensive Rookie of the Year the odds makers are liking Chris Long at 4-1 odds. Long is followed by Vernon Gholston at 5-1, Derrick Harvey at 7-1, Keith Rivers at 10-1, and Jerod Mayo and Glen Dorsey at 12-1 odds.

I find these odds interesting because looking at who the odds makers like for the rookies of the year might be an early indicator of how well a team did in drafting its players. Dorsey was drafted before Gholston but the odds makers think Gholston has a better chance of being the best rookie defender in 2008. Sedrick Ellis who was taken just after Gholston has 16-1 odds of winning the title while Derrick Harvey who was taken after Ellis is 7-1. This might lead one to believe that some of those later picks might have been better picks.

I'm going to discount that theory right now just for the defensive rookie of the year selection because I think the odds distribution probably has to do more with Long, Gholston and Harvey playing DE as opposed to DT, a more "glamorous" line position. However, since 1997 a linebacker has won the award 8 out of the last 11 years with a defensive end winning just twice and a corner (Charles Woodson) winning once. This might lead one to believe there is some value in picking one of the linebackers if you were a gambling man since it appears like the odds makers are overvaluing the defensive ends and undervaluing the linebackers that were taken. The last time a defensive tackle has won the award was 1994, I'd stay away.

Plenty more interesting bets to look at for sure including which Redskins rookie receiver will have the most yards (Devin Thomas is the favorite at -145), which Ravens QB will throw the most touchdowns (Flacco is at 21-20 odds there) and which rookie QB will start a game first between Brian Brohm (-110) and John David Booty (-130).

All of this is interesting to look at and helps to give another, possibly more unbiased, look at the NFL season ahead. Should be a fun year, is it training camp time already?

All odds from

Random Video of Horrific Violence: Owned By Soccer Goal

Not only did he miss the shot, but he didn't miss the pole. That is a lose lose situation there. As the kids say, dude was pwnd.

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Two Man Enter, One Man Leave

13:45 and counting. No more bullshit. Manchester United is through. One semifinal left. Chelsea vs. Liverpool. 2:45 EST. Only one genre has the words. Yacht Rock.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

What I Thought Was A B**ch Was Nuthin' But A Man

When will the bad times end for AC Milan and Brazil striker Ronaldo? Once he was almost the greatest soccer player in the history of the universe. Now he's fat, gimpy and getting rolled by trannies.

Ronaldo was questioned by police in Sao Paulo after being caught with transvestite hookers in a motel room. He claimed the bitches set him up (Marion Barry would be proud) and tried to extort money out of him. He was unaware that the hookers were trannies until they got to the hotel but he was aware that they were prostitutes.

[Police inspector Carlos Augusto] Nogueira said the altercation began when Ronaldo found out he was dealing with transvestites instead of women. The inspector said Ronaldo admitted he knew they were prostitutes when they met earlier Sunday night but did not realize they were transvestites until they got to the motel.

"He admitted to everything, he wanted to have fun," Nogueira said. "But he committed no crime at all, it was immoral at best."

...The AC Milan striker told police he offered to pay the transvestites anyway, but before he left one of them allegedly asked for $30,000 to hide the story from the media.
The prostitutes claimed Ronaldo also asked for drugs but he denied this in a statement to Globo TV.

Prostitution isn't a crime in Brazil so Ronaldo isn't in trouble with the law.He must be happy that he won't be going back to Milan in the near future. AC Milan owner, Italian prime minister and all-around buffoon Silvio Berlusconi probably ordered him to use hookers to keep his cardio up while rehabbing his knee.

Perhaps Madonna Hasn't Finished Off Guy Ritchie's Soul Yet

Here's a preview of Guy Ritchie's new Nike Football commercial which will be shown in its entirety during today's Champions League match between Manchester United and Barcelona. It features Wayne Rooney, Cristiano Ronaldo, Cesc Fabregas, William "Wah" Gallas, Marco Materazzi, and Arsene Wenger. Ronaldinho, Zlatan Ibrahimovic and Ruud Van Horseyface also appear in the ad.

Tigers Fans Start Drinking Young

You know your season is going bad when 7 year olds are drinking in the stands. 47 year old Tigers fan, Christopher Ratte lost custody of his son for a week because his 7 year old son was caught drinking a bottle of Mikes Hard Lemonade in the stands. Ratte's son was thirsty towards the end of a game and asked for a bottle of lemonade and Ratte obliged but he unknowingly purchased his son a bottle of "hard lemonade", not knowing that it contained any alcohol.

"I'd never drunk it, never purchased it, never heard of it," Ratte of Ann Arbor told [the reporter] sheepishly last week. "And it's certainly not what I expected when I ordered a lemonade for my 7-year-old."

A security guard saw the boy drinking it, took the bottle away from the kid, scolded the parent, called the police over and took Ratte in for questioning for an hour while his son was taken to a hospital for observation. The child was then kept from Ratte and his wife for two days in foster care, then once released, it was another week before Ratte could go back to his house and be around his son.

Bit of an overreaction sure, but, sadly, the officials all pretty much followed the law on this one. Still though, quite a mess. Poor kid probably had no idea what was going on...and not because he was hittin the bottle hard. Apparently the kid didn't even get drunk. All of that and he didn't even get sauced? Methinks that 7 year old already has a pretty solid tolerance...or Mike's is just a weak excuse for an alcoholic beverage. I want to believe the former is true, but the reality is the latter.

Of course, if i were a fan of the Tigers right now, I would be tipping back as many beers as I could to make it through a game...oh wait, i'm a Nationals fan...they're so sad I'm drunk right now and its an off game. Go Nats!

From Detroit Free Press

The guys at FanIQ are celebrating the 25th anniversary of Lee Elia's rant on Cubs fans. You have to click here to listen to the clip of the greatest sports tirade ever. EVER.

Barry Bonds Doesn't Need A Team To Win

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