Saturday, June 2, 2007

Much Man Love To You All

Just taking a moment out to give a big, man-love thank you to all the sites that link us regularly. Without your help, the Deuce could not exist. We've grown a lot since we first started and we're still getting bigger. Lets hope for bigger and better things to come in the next 6 months of the Deuce of Davenport and all you guys as well.

Thanks to SportsbyBrooks, The Big Lead, With Leather, Deadspin, Awful Announcing, 100 Percent Injury Rate, Hogs Haven, Real Sports Bloggers, DC Sports Bog, Fanhouse, Who Ate All The Pies, the Parlayer, and Ball Hype.

New Steroids & Baseball Site

No idea who Dr. Asterisk is, but he's started a pretty interesting read on his site Needed Asterisks On Baseball Stats. I just read through his timeline on the "Steroid Era" in baseball and its an excellent read. Lets hope he can keep up the good work.

Chad Johnson To Race A Horse

Chad Johnson is tired of the Michael Vick, Pac Man Jones, and Randy Moss dominating the offseason headlines and is doing something about it! Chad Johnson is going to race a horse. is reporting that Ocho Cinco himself is going to race a 4-year-old colt named Restore at Cincinnati's River Downs on June 9th. Restore will run 1/8th of a mile and Johnson will run half that. Chad says:

'I'm ready,' he said. 'He has two extra legs, so I will get a two-extra-leg lead. It's all for fun. The important thing is raising money to help those in need.'
The good thing is that this is all for charity, with the proceeds going to his coach's foundation and Feed The Children. The Deuce hopes that this is the beginning of many human vs animal events we have to look forward to. Next, i want to see Michael Vick vs. One of his Rottweilers or Mike Tyson vs. A Kangaroo. Anyone else have any dream Athlete vs. Animal events?

Link to Story from

Carlito's Way

Happy birthday, Carlos! Seven runs on 13 hits by the end of the fifth and a dugout brawl. I wonder what he's going to do for Venezuelan Independence Day.

Here's the video including the leadup to the fight.

Barrett and Zambrano decided to settle it in the clubhouse like Apollo and Rocky at the end of Rocky III. Barrett ended up in the hospital with two black eyes, a busted lip and a couple stitches. Pain!

I wonder if Lou wishes he stayed in Tampa. He could be chillin' on a fishing boat or managing the D-Rays. The Cubs may be full of it but them fish ain't even bullshittin', dawg.

Friday, June 1, 2007

Sucker Born Every Minute

An enterprising Ebayer from Delaware is selling their empty (ie: used, drank from, no alcohol inside) aluminum Bud and Bud Lite beer bottles from a Washington Nationals game. These bottles retail for $6.50 while full and at the ballpark. I would know, I drank a couple of them on Wednesday at the Nats/Dodgers game. Muskyfisher is selling these empty aluminum bottles for a starting bid of $7.99 for the pair, plus $5.50 shipping and handling. $13.49 minimum price for empty beer bottles...that he paid $13.00 for and enjoyed while watching a game.

Have ye no shame man????

As an aside...this below will set you back $10.98 and costs no more than a few cents to make. There is no way this is an officially licensed Washington Nationals' product...

What the hell does this even mean? Nationals University?? Doctorate Degree of Nationals Baseball? WHAT???

Link for cans you have no business buying here

Link for paper you have no business buying here

Thursday, May 31, 2007

Japanese Baseball Is Turned Up To Eleven

I cannot even describe how unfathomably violent this Japanese baseball commercial is...

I mean, what is the best part of this heavenly bit of digital awesomeness? I gotta believe the part where the pitchers finger tips rip right off is about the greatest thing i've seen on a screen. Can you imagine how many complaints the FCC would get on this amazing commercial if it were shown here in the states? Oh, right, we here don't care about violence, just don't show nipple.

Update: WithLeather has informed me this was on Deadspin a year ago and i missed it! How i have no idea...but i am keeping it here b/c it is so utterly brilliant

Update 2: Here's Deadspin's link. It only had 39 comments and 172 views? Whats up with that, how did everyone sleep on this video?

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Fastest Knockout I've Seen

I feel like we've been going a little knockout crazy here on the Deuce, but I also feel like this one is just begging to be posted. You see my dilemma. This might just be the standard for which knockouts must attain to be posted...just insane.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

That's A Three Minute Personal

Ah the good old days of middle and high school lacrosse. I remember going to pick out equipment at Lax World in Kenilworth Plaza like it was yesterday. Trying on new helmets. Trying on gloves and putting them through the paces by holding a stick, trying a few moves and "gloving" the stock boy. I miss the good old days.

Players at Dublin Coffman High School in Dublin, OH are very familiar with the persuasive and quite effective gloving technique. Ex-assistant coaches Greg Simpson and Dustin Pentz were charged with rape for an incident during a team trip in 2006.

Simpson allegedly held a player down while Pentz "inserted his gloved fingers into the athlete's rectum".

According to the players' statements, Greg Simpson told them that he had "invented" the glove and Pentz said that "he was a changed man after ... he had been gloved."
A lawsuit alleges that "Pentz, 26, and Greg Simpson, 28, participated in "glove" assaults as students at Dublin Scioto High School during the 1990s".
... Both [former head coach] Brian and [former volunteer coach] Frank Simpson testified that they did not know about the reported assault until school officials told them three weeks later.

But an 18-year-old who was on the team told police that Brian Simpson referred to the incident hours after it is said to have occurred. He said Simpson warned him that the student who said he had been assaulted would get "the glove again" if he did not return to his hotel room at curfew.

A 17-year-old teammate said he heard Pentz tell Brian Simpson, "Hey, B, I got three fingers in him" immediately after the incident.
Brian Simpson was acquitted of witness intimidation earlier this year while his father Frank Simpson, a volunteer coach, was "found guilty of the same charge for pressuring the player to recant his sexual-assault claim during a meeting with the team".

Oh it gets better.
And the day or evening after the incident, the players, including the one Pentz is accused of raping, broke into the coaches' hotel room and threatened to "glove" Pentz, according to the witness statements.

"There was a posse of the players that showed up with face paint and a glove of their own," Pentz's attorney, Karl Schneider said. "That's a bizarre response."

According to the statements, the players opened the coaches' hotel room with a key, but Greg Simpson blocked them from entering.
Did we mention that Greg Simpson is Brian Simpson's brother? Now that's one for all and all for one. Five personal fouls in one game means ejection. You gotta give one for each finger and the guilty conviction so they're playing with fire.

If Marvin Lewis wants to put an end to the Bengals' criminal ways, he might do himself a favor by dropping the claims of a c-o-n-spiracy and listening to the Simpsons.

*Pictured above: STX G-Force Glove. The choice of glovers worldwide.

**Congratulations to Johns Hopkins for beating Duke in the NCAA Men's Lacrosse National Championship Game and maintaining Bawlmer's honor as the capital of lacrosse.

I Missed The Bus

The Champions League final may be last week's news but one should never pass up an opportunity to mock Liverpool.

For those of you not in the know, AC Milan are the champions of Europe. Imagine the Bears putting "Miami Winners 2007, Chicago Bears Super Bowl Champions" on a bus.

The bus was probably stolen anyway.

Don't get mad at us, Scouser. Blame Tubby Benitez for fielding a crap team. A team full of donkeys won't beat AC Milan on any day. Switching Crouch out of the starting lineup fooled Ancelotti real good.

Monday, May 28, 2007

Punks Jump Up To Get Beat Down, Part Deux

It's never a good idea to go for the balls during a sporting event where hitting is encouraged and required.

Gold Coast center Brett Delaney found out the hard way after grabbing South Sidney's Jaiman Lowe's balls during a match last week. If you're gonna pull a move like that, you better make sure you keep a man down. If you don't, this could happen to you.

Of course, Delaney denied the ball massage.

"No way," he said. In a tackle you don't let go of someone when you grab them. I can't remember if I did have him [by the testicles], but it wasn't intentional."

"It might have been in that region, but I don't go out to try and rip blokes' balls off. I just can't really remember what happened, to be honest. I think I had him on the shorts, and then I got knocked out. It's all a bit of a blur."

"When I touched his balls, I was in ecstasy so you can imagine it's very hard to stay focused or know what you're doing."
Ok, maybe he didn't say that last part. The blur was from getting his arse handed to him in a sack by Lowe. Delaney said he was still suffering from headaches and the sweats. He also required 10 stitches to close a "gaping wound" above his lip. Good.
"It was one of those things. He probably thought something went on, but it was nothing intentional, I'll tell you that - especially at that time of the game. We were under the pump a bit. It was just a normal tackle, mate."
Ain't nuthin' normal about that tackle. Delaney was on that pump like a farmer on a milk cow. He's lucky he didn't get stomped but some men have honor unlike him and Bill Romanowski.

Genocide: Just Do It

Say it ain't so, Bron Bron. Who thought LeBron James would end up supporting Sudanese president al-Bashir and the evil Janjaweed?

James refused to sign an open letter to the Chinese government written by fellow Cav Ira Newble protesting China's role in the Darfur genocide. Damon Jones didn't sign it either because he said he didn't have enough information about the matter but James refused to comment. Guess the Sudanese buy shoes too.

Check this pic of Ira. I haven't had this feeling since I found out that Troy O'Leary is black and Khalil Green is white.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

You Want Some Of This, Lil' Baby?

In keeping with our Memorial Day theme and general apathy towards writing this weekend, here's a baby learning about Beat Street the hard way in Times Square.


You Got Knocked The F**K Out

Chimp Rage and I spent a devastating Saturday honoring our nation's heros at Local 138 on New York's Lower East Side. It's only fair that we allow you to celebrate Memorial Day with us. Salute and respect the red, white and blue like this female Tyson.

She hits like a fucking mule.

Speaking of getting knocked the fuck out, it looks like Johnny Drama should have taken up Chuck Liddell's challenge.

I'll take Miss Tyson over Chuck in the first round.