Friday, January 4, 2008

Beers Around The NFL Playoffs

The NFL playoffs start this weekend and we at the Deuce cannot be more excited. The playoffs are a time when we can actually watch every game on television and see the best of the best duke it out for a chance at the championship. The only beverage one should be consuming during this festive time is, of course, beer. So lets take a look at the 12 NFL playoff teams and the beer that best represents the cities/states/districts they are in. If you can actually find all 12 of these near you, get them, and drink them all this weekend with their corresponding games.

lets start out with the NFC...

Dallas Cowboys
Shiner Bock
A somewhat decent beer but a poor imitation of an actual German Boch beer. Sorta what you'd expect a Cowboys fan to drink since its from Texas and Texans love all things Texas and think that Texas is better than the rest of the union let alone the world...but we all know it isn't and neither are the Cowboys. It tries to be classier than most American macrobrews but in reality its not that much different than the rest. Easy to go down and more flavorful than most macrobrews but when compared to all beers out there, its not that special at all. Drink it cold from a tap and you probably will do fine for yourself.

Green Bay Packers
Miller Lite
Yes, we all know this beer. This is the beer you graduated to after you totally realized that Milwaukee's Best and PBR sucked high school. This is your college beer and hopefully you don't drink it anymore because once you left school you had money and could afford a real beer. But if you do drink it, you know what to expect. Virtually no flavor, goes down like water, takes a lot to get you drunk but allows you to do a nice slow burn to total unconsciousness with enough effort. You have to drink an equal amount of beers as years Brett Favre has played in the NFL to really get your evening going...and you will.

Seattle Seahawks
Red Hook ESB
Now this is a classier beer here. Not a major brewer, its made in Washington, which means they can actually take the time to make a more complex beer since its not in super mega ultra mass production. Has a sweet and hoppy flavor and pours a copper/orange color and will satisfy you for a nice long evening of drinking. Its a good beer, typical of the Pacific Northwest breweries and Seattle fans should be proud to drink this beer, but like the team, it beat out a weak field to get this distinction.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Bud Light
They dont really brew much beer in Florida. There is the Florida brew company but I cant say I've ever had their beers or heard of it. When I think of Tampa Bay I think of one thing, stripclubs. For my strip club dollar there is only one beer I drink. Bud Light. Nothing goes better with that strip club stank than a nice watery beer that won't get you so drunk that you'd do anything stupid in the club...and won't cost you an arm and a leg with the strip club's beer tax added on to it. Plus Jeff Garcia's wife is a former Playboy playmate which means she stripped naked on at least one occasion. So cheers Tampa fans, drink your Buds with shame heavy in your heart. You are a town of strip clubs and strippers and your beer reflects you.

New York Giants
Brooklyn Lager
The unofficial beer of NYC and for good reason, this beer is a little gem of the US microbrewery world and a pretty good lager. Great complex flavor, full body, its an excellent example of how a lager should be made but something is missing, its still not an amazing beer, just a good one. Add it all up and its above average, much like the Giants. Has all the pieces to be a very good beer, but something is still missing to make it stand out above the entire league. Sure it looks good in its division, even its conference, but its not about to win the championship anytime soon.

Washington Redskins
Dominion Ale
Washington DC doesn't really have a brewery to call its own, at least not an operating one, but due to its close proximity to Virginia and Maryland the city does have a few beers to choose from which it can adopt as its own. For this exercise I guess we'll choose the old standard, Dominion Ale brewed right near Redskins HQ in Ashburn, VA. Its another quality microbrew with all sorts of flavor that sits on your mouth for awhile. Like the Redskins you don't know exactly how good it is until its finished.

and now for the AFC...

New England Patriots
Sam Adams Boston Lager
I mean, can there be another beer to choose for this team? This beer was at one time critically acclaimed but has since kinda sold out to become quite corporate and mass produced which is quite obviously shown in its flavor. Like the Patriots, the beer's acclaim is a bit tainted with controversy, no it wasn't a videotape scandal, but a ballot stuffing scandal at the Great American Beerfest where it won best beer in America many times a bit suspiciously.

Indianapolis Colts
Three Floyds Dark Lord Russian Imperial Stout
Indiana also doesn't have a lot of breweries, but one of the beers this state produces is widely considered one of the best in the world. It is thick with what seems to be a thousand different flavors hitting the mouth at once. Coffee, molasses, malt, chocolate, fruits, wood, nuts, hops all come to tongue and mind when drinking this beverage. It is truly one of the best beers created anywhere at anytime. The Super Bowl champion Indianapolis Colts (for another month at least) should be watched and savored with this beer along side. Get it while you can though, its not around much and who knows when it'l be back.

San Diego Chargers
Arrogant Bastard Ale
This beer, like the Chargers, could be one of the best beers in its league but it isn't. Actually some of the other Bastard beers are actually far better, but this one just gets around a lot more. Anyway, its got quite a rich flavor and you wont be disappointed drinking it. The same can't be said for watching the Chargers, one week they look unstoppable, the next week they get stopped. If it weren't for their arrogant bastard GM switching coaches last year they might be taken a lot more seriously. Sure no one has won with Marty, but NO ONE wins with Norv.

Pittsburgh Steelers
Iron City Beer
Now this is a craptacular beer in the Milwaukee's Best vein of beers only somehow different and in my opinion worse. You know what you're getting with this beer though, its a working man's beer, nothing complex to think about with it as you just pound it and get it over with. There is no finesse here which is a perfect comparison to the Steelers game. They run it, they use play action, they have fundamentally solid defense. You know what you're getting and they give it to you. Sometimes, that's all a guy can want.

Jacksonville Jaguars
Natural Light
Again, the lack of Florida beers makes this difficult. So, because David Garrard might not be effective for the first round of the playoffs with his ankle and the crappy Steelers field might slow them down, I feel like this team is a bit watered down from what it could be. Jacksonville as a city is the most populated one in the state and one of the most populated cities in the country, but no one considers it a real city. All of that put together is like what I think of Natural Light. It sells a lot, but its not really a real beer, its quite watered down so it tastes like beer water. Its just pure nastiness and while it is technically beer, it really isnt. Its just suck in a can.

Tennessee Titans
Steel Reserve 211 High Gravity
Like a few other teams, this team's state has no beer to call it's own and since I've never been there, I'm just going to have to pick one so Steel Reserve it is. Why? Well because this beer is horrendous but it gets the job done. Luckily its sold in 40 ounces and once you get halfway through the bottle you cant even taste it anymore since your body's natural defense mechanisms kick in and save you from having to suffer through it anymore...but MAN will it get you shit-faced. What I am saying is, like the Titans, its shit, but it works.


dogeatery said...

Take my word for it, Orlando Brewing Company makes a VERY FINE beer. You never heard of 'em but you will someday, they're new and pretty tiny. Next time you're in Orlando, take a trip downtown and give any of their beers a try. They make a variety of styles and all are high quality, in ingredients (all organic) and flavor (they don't try to get crazy, they stick with the traditional styles and try to make beers with balance).

Chimpanzee Rage said...

Sounds tasty, next time I am down there i'll give it a shot.

Jason said...

I would have gone with Shiner Blonde for the cowboys. It is Shiner's best beer, and it has a blue label.

And yes, Texas is bigger and better than wherever you are from.

Jason said...

I would have gone with Shiner Blonde for the cowboys. It is Shiner's best beer, and it has a blue label.

And yes, Texas is bigger and better than wherever you are from.

Great Post.

Anonymous said...

JASON - you are a BIG douchebag which proves the maxim, crap is bigger in north mex...i mean , Tejas.

Anonymous said...

For the Titans, you should have gone with Yazoo Brew Pale Ale. Small-time Nashville brewer no one knows about (like the entire Titans team pretty much)& the Pale Ale isn't the best beer they've come up with over the years, but their future looks bright.

Anonymous said...

miller lite for the packers? have you been to a game in green bay? you've taken the most character-less beer and assigned it to one of the richest sports organizations in the country.

for crying out loud...

Adam said...

Shiner is better, as is the illegally annexed sovereign nation that is Texas.

Spoetzel all up in ya, word.

Cousins of Ron Mexico said...

The Iron City aluminum bottle is an experience unto itself.

Texas Adam said...

Being a Texan, I obviously love Shiner. But anyone who drinks Shiner over Lone Star while watching football is a damn prima donna. Shiner is for a classy night out with your lady, cow-tipping and whatnot. Lone Star is for brawling and, therefore, football.

Anonymous said...

If you ever crossed the bay from Tampa to Pinellas County you surely could of experienced some fine micro brewery beer from Dunedin Brewery

Anonymous said...

tampa is home to a yuengling brewery and used to have a budweiser brewery at busch gardens

twoeightnine said...

Shouldn't the Giants' beer be brewed in NJ?

blogoof said...

Not to sound like a dullard, but I don't understand this high-falutin' microbrewery phenomenon that compels people to treat beer like wine. It's nice to be able to just order "a beer."

Anonymous said...

Just like the above commenter said: Miller Lite for the Packers??? How are those two anything like each other? Why not go with some of the better Wisconsin Beers like Leinenkugel, or maybe even one of our microbreweries like New Glarus?

Chris D said...
This post has been removed by the author.
Rob Zepeda said...

pleasantly surprised with your San Diego choice of beer. Everyone loves Stone Brewing Company down here as well they should. Whenever a beer warns you that you aren't worthy of drinking it and probably wont even like it, you know its something special!

hell of a post son, hell of a post.

rob from

Brandon Hansen said...

I'm just wondering if Shaun Alexander would be a wine cooler or Boones. Defenses could drink him all day and still be sober.

Brandon Hansen from

Anonymous said...

First off: the Cowboys are waaaaaaaaaaay more of a Lone Star kind of team than they are Shiner. Shiner is Austin/San Antonio, Dallas is Lone Star/Miller Lite.

Secondly: Green Bay's beer should be Leinenkugel's, in all its myriad forms. They've got the gutrot American lagers froo-froo flavored stuff for the ladies, and some tasty darker brews for the more sophisticated Madison/Milwaukee crowd. And it's made in Chippewa Falls, WI, which is more small town than Miller Lite.

Anonymous said...

You people don't know SHIT. The Pacific Northwest and west coast in general, are THE BEST place to get good beer in this country. Portland has more breweries than any city in the world and Seattle isn't far behind. TEXAS BEER SUCKS, never had good beer from the "heartland"

Anonymous said...

Pyramid SNOW CAP is the best beer for the Seahawks. Full bodied winter warmer, best served with lots of BACON!!! Shiner is garbage, Blue moon is from Coors(and also garbage) attn: Miller, anhueser and Coors, YOU ALL SUCK VERY MUCH! Go craft breweries! Rogue!

Sonny_Amou said...

Cool website. But No one really drinks Red Hook in Rain Town anymore, although that is ttill popular there. Pyramid's downtown brewery is right across from the Qwest Nest. Also, there's Mac & Jacks. Really, there's a ton of breweries up north, many of which no one knows outside of the Pac NW.

Ah well. Funny post, thanks for creating this. I'll be back for sure.