Friday, January 11, 2008

Terrell Owens Only Wants To Talk To This Gal

Really, who wouldn't want to talk to Ines Sainz, a former Miss Spain? Watch the video here where TO is hiding behind a curtain, avoiding all reporters until he spots this Latin beauty, calls her over, and gives her an "interview". Hilarious. He seems in a good mood, i'm guessing he'll play this weekend.

And because she's hot, here's one more pic of her:

Thanks to Fox Dallas via MachoChip

Super Giant Russian Boxer Back In The Press

Do you remember Russian Heavyweight and former WBA Heavyweight title holder Nicolay Valuev? No? Maybe? Well think hard, you may remember Valuev as the 7'1" giant that beat John Ruiz for the Heavyweight boxing title back in 2005. He never actually made it big here in the states, but that's not stopping him from acting like American boxers do while over in his homeland.

Valuev was just ordered by St. Petersburg’s Kalininsky district civil court to pay 130,000 rubles ($5,320) in compensation to a security guard at the Spartak sports complex which for beating the 60 year old guard all upside his head over a dispute with Valuev's wife's car. Valuyev also has to pay 100,000 rubles in “moral damages” to the guard, Yury Sergeyev, and 30,000 rubles in fines.

The Beast from the East doesn't stop there though. He's gone Hollywood out in the former Eastern Bloc and has wrapped a yet to be released movie entitled "Stone Head" (Kamennaya Bashka) by director Fillipp Yankovsky. The director says he's a natural and that he showed range in playing an athlete and someone who struggles with being a giant. That had to be a HUGE stretch for Valuev for sure.

So lets see, 7'1" athletic freak, championship boxing title, assault, battery, making did this guy not make it in the states? Surely his stunning good looks and lumpy head had nothing to do with it? WWE needs a new Russian villain, they should look this guy up. He's a freakin natural

From St. Petersburg Times

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Pat Sajak Is Just A Squirrel Trying To Get A Nut

Too late. Chuck Woolery has the biggest ones of all. Not only did he host Love Connection, dance and kick ass on New Zoo Revue but he also fishes the fuck out of a pond.

Pat might as well form a support group with Magic Johnson and Chevy Chase. It's Chuck's world, bitches.

All of Tom Brady's TD Passes in 2007 Season

This might be the longest video we've ever posted here on the Deuce. At a whopping 25 minutes, here is every one of Tom Brady's 50 touchdown passes thrown this season. While the Deuce hates feeding the Tom Brady media machine, this is a pretty good, albeit long, video. Sit back and relax, enjoy the show...oh, and Tom Brady can go to hell. There, I feel better. Don't you?

UPDATE: Looks like someone took down that video, so here it is again, only broken up into 3 bite sized parts.

Who Shot Who In The What Now

Now I may not be some hotshot trial lawyer like Jackie Chiles but I do have the sense that I'd probably have a better strategy than telling my client to pretend he doesn't speak English. Then again that's probably why I'm not one.

Andy Pettitte was impressed enough with the strategy to hire Jay Reisinger. Reisinger represented Sammy Sosa during the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform hearings. If you remember, Sosa forgot that he spoke English. It was pretty damn funny but effective enough to stymie the hacks that inhabit the House of Representatives. Pettitte will probably have a harder time convincing the committee members that he doesn't speak English but perhaps we give them too much credit.

Chuck Knoblauch should have an easier time defending himself. Unless he was trying to peg Keith Olbermann's mother, he's proof that steroids don't necessarily make one a better player. He should get together with all the named Orioles and demand an apology.

The Constitutional Vol. "Linkage Extraordinaire"

And the links keep rolling...Welcome to the Constitutional.

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

New Jordan Shoes Just As Ugly As The Rest

The new Jordan XX3's are set to be released this month and what is going on with that pattern on these shoes? They look like they have one of those "3-D" image posters that you're supposed to stare at for an hour while somehow relaxing your eyes just to see a lame T-Rex jumping out at you on em. Truthfully, I don't know anyone who actually wears the Jordan brand of shoe anymore. Long gone are the days when kids were skipping school and lining up at the store to get the new Jordan's for the year. At this point, these shoes are for the collectors and completionists out there that have the other 22 Air Jordans that Michael Jordan and Nike have made over the years.

Who really wants to wear a sneaker of a recently divorced, womanizing, deadbeat father, front office mismanaging, shell of an athlete with a massive gambling addiction who hasn't played a game in 5 years where when he did play SUCKED HORRIBLY AND WAS RUN OUT OF TOWN? Anyone? Anyone? I don't see anyone lining up for the new Isiah Thomas' or the new Billy King's showing up at Foot Locker anywhere so why is there another Jordan shoe?

Also, who in their right mind would drop $230 dollars ($185 dollars for the national release edition) on a sneaker and then actually wear it anyway? I just dropped $65 bucks on an $85 running shoe at DSW and I am afraid to wear those outside because I cannot imagine the horror of running down their treads let alone a scuff or tear on those suckers.

Nike needs to stop, they've exploited Jordan's name long enough to finally make his 23rd edition of the shoe brand. Let's hope its the last...and someone bring back British Knights while we're at it, their commercials were dope.

China's Olympic Committee Has Thought of Everything

China believes it takes a highly trained individual to be an Olympic medal presenter for the Beijing Olympics. They take it so seriously that they have developed a program for young girls to train for this arduous task.

At these schools, young girls must wear high heeled shoes for hours at a time, smile pretty much all day and balance books on their heads to improve posture along with studying etiquette and English. Sounds tough huh? Well the competition is tougher, there are only 380 spots available for this coveted position and they only accept girls who are at least 5'4" and "not too heavy" so they could "fit into the uniforms provided".

"This is a huge opportunity for them. The Olympics will put them in front of the world's audience and lead to a life-time of fortune,"
The perfect smile consists of showing only the top 8 teeth and looks nothing like this...


From Yahoo Sports

The Constitutional Vol. "Back So Soon?"

People love links. Who are we to disappoint? How about that comeback by Hilary yesterday, huh? That was about as stunning as when Buffalo came back against the Oilers after being down 35-3. On that quick note...Welcome to the Constitutional.

  • Jorge Sedano has his own Politics and Sports Mash-up. Well done sir, we'll make a blogger out of you yet. Sedano Show

  • 100% Injury Rate is done and is going mainstream headed to FanIQ. The Deuce shall miss one of our favorite sites out there but we wish nothing but the best for WCK and shall keep reading his stuff on the new site. 100% Injury Rate now at FanIQ Blog

  • Just when you thought the "Leave ---- Alone" series had jumped the shark, here comes Roger Clemens. Part Mule

  • What Kelly Tilghman should've said instead of "lynching Tiger". Rumors and Rants

  • God I miss do some people in Dallas. Can't Stop The Bleeding

  • The Czech's were badass in Nintendo's "Ice Hockey". My Brain Says Rage

  • Just created...the Tony Allen Face. The Basketball Jones

  • Gary Payton rapping for Sega's ill fated Dreamcast. You Been Blinded

  • Finally, for you DC citizens, here's an update on the Poplar Point developments (including a DC United stadium). Bisnow

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Two Cents on Gibbs Resignation

Here at the Deuce we love the legend of Joe Gibbs, but as with most legends, the stories are better than the actual truth. The truth is, in Gibbs reincarnation as a head coach, he was largely unsuccessful. He was still a good motivator, he's made as many good personnel moves as he made atrocious ones, but he never figured out time management or the NFL's replay system and for a guy who was once considered one of those NFL offensive "geniuses", his system turned out to be dated and predictable in the modern NFL. His 4 year win/loss totals ended with an unimpressive 30-34 and two lackluster appearances in the playoffs as a wild card.

Joe Gibbs did give the Redskins a couple things they have not had for a long time though, consistency and leadership. Sure it was consistent mediocrity, but there was no massive shuffling of coaches or players in his 4 years here as head coach. The one big change was the implementation of Al Saunders offense, which possibly could be one of the best moves Joe made here in his time with the Redskins. The last four games of the season, the league saw that when their players are healthy, the offense can be effective and possibly still quite prolific.

As for leadership, I think its safe to say the Redskins players over the last four years have never had a coach that inspired them more than Joe Gibbs had. They played for him like they never wanted to let him down. They battled through injuries for him, they crawled into the playoffs twice for him, they learned from him what it takes to be a football player and what it means to be a Redskin. He instilled within them the organizational pride that had not existed since the 80s and one can only hope that will be his legacy here in his second term as head coach.

Joe Gibbs leaving it is a bit sad but he's left the team with a possible franchise quarterback and a solid defense for the next head coach to build from. Unfortunately he's also left them with an aging offensive line, salary cap issues, and wide receivers that scare no one. The best thing that Redskins fans can possibly hope from Gibbs' departure is that Dan Snyder will finally hire a general manager to pick the players and set a new organizational mission for the next head coach. No more of this Coach/gm/president business, the rest of the league realizes this rarely works, and hopefully Danno has figured it out as well (after much trial and error).

In all, Gibbs 2.0 was not a failure [but it wasn't a resounding success either]. While the Redskins didn't make the Super Bowl in his four seasons, Gibbs leadership formed a team identity that had not existed for a long time in Washington and taught his players how to play football the right way and the Redskins way...even if he didn't always make the right decisions himself.

My Prediction For The Election? Kane! Part II

Ah we meant to get the Democrats the day after we did the Republicans but a BBQ coma from Hill Country slowed me down like Mark Foley on Zing. In the meantime, several candidates on both sides have dropped out which makes part of what we were going to do moot. We'll do the most of the field from before the Iowa caucus anyway.

So if you remember Wonkette reported that WWE wrestler Kane endorsed Ron Paul for President. That got us wondering who the candidates would get to endorse them from the world of sports. You can find the Republicans here.

Dennis Kucinich - Spud Webb/Mugsey Bogues

There's a reason Tom Cruise demands small co-stars and elevator shoes. He doesn't want anyone else to steal the spotlight from him. The same goes for a political endorsement. Dennis Kucinich needs the endorsement of someone with similar stature. Spud Webb and Mugsey Bogues match up rather well. Webb and Bogues were able to overcome their height disadvantages to succeed in the NBA. Kucinich...well he didn't pull a MLK and overcome in the election but he definitely married out of his league so he's got that and only that going for him which is nice.

Bill Richardson - Isiah Thomas

Bill Richardson, Isiah Thomas and success go together like peanuts and gum. It's not clear how they continue to get so many chances when they fuck up as often as they do. No one understands fucking up golden opportunities like Isiah. He destroyed the CBA, failed with a solid Pacers team and made the Knicks an international laughingstock. The UN thinks they're beyond help and they're in Lebanon and Kosovo.

Bill's also a notorious assgrabber. If there's one thing Isiah's good at, it's grab ass. Just ask Anucha.

By the way, this should be his campaign song.

Joseph Biden - Ozzie Guillen

Talk about two people who most will agree actually have experience that doesn't include being married to someone with experience. They would probably get much further in life if they knew when to shut the fuck up.

Hillary Clinton - Brenda Warner

Conspiracy theorist? Check. Neurotic? Check. Sense of Entitlement? Check. All Hillary needs is a more butch haircut, a tacky blouse and she's good to go.

Hillary's panic attack campaigning over the past weeks reminds one of her conspiracy theory protestations during the Clinton I reign. If Bill played for the Skins, it would be easy to see her call up Sportstalk 980 to bitch out the Sports Reporters for calling out her man.

It's also rumored that Pokey Chatman is leaning her way but that's another story.

John Edwards - Scott Boras

Forget the stump speeches about poverty and his daddy working in some sort of mill. John Edwards will say whatever he has to win although he's an amateur compared to Mitt Romney who would probably sell his wife to an Albanian human trafficker if it meant New Hampshire.

While he was a trial lawyer, he had no hesitation about using his deceased son in a closing argument. He and his wife Elizabeth refer to his "electability. Read: I'm not black or a woman. He also has no time for gays.

Scott Boras will do anything for a buck including lie to his clients. They're a match made in heaven.

Barack Obama - Howard Cosell's Ghost/Jim Brown

No one supported a black frontrunner like Howard Cosell. Just ask Muhammad Ali. "Look at that little monkey run! For president!" Then again he might want to keep Cosell's ghost under wrap. He needs that African-American vote in South Carolina and Rev. Jesse's already stuck up for Edwards.

Obama needs to go for someone with undeniable street cred. Enter Jim Brown. He played lacrosse and football. He was in the Dirty Dozen and I'm Gonna Git You Sucka. He's got mass appeal. He even did one of the first interracial love scenes with Raquel Welch in 100 Rifles and got all Shawn Kempish with Michael Jackson's girlfriend from the Thriller video. Let's not even forget The Running Man.

Brown is the man that said "Make sure when anyone tackles you he remembers how much it hurts." Those are words to live and run by.

Chris Dodd - Eh.....