Monday, May 12, 2008

Is Dwyane Wade Turning Into Britney Spears

What the hell is going on with Dwyane Wade? His flight path seems to be taking a downward trajectory similar to Britney Spears. She had it all only to throw it away and turn into an unmitigated disaster. We’re not saying Wade is going to get knocked up by some Heat dancer but things aren’t looking too good for him these days. Only two years ago, he was on top of the world. NBA Champion, commercial darling, etc. Now is not good. Yes? The Heat? Fail. Star Jones? Fail. His new restaurant? Fail.

D. Wade’s Sports Grill in Boca Raton has closed after only two months. The Palm Beach Post reports that the restaurant opened to mixed reviews, little advertising and no D-Wade. He only showed up once since it opened.

“A note on the closed Boca restaurant's door tells fans to head to Fort Lauderdale, home of the only other D. Wade's. A third is in the works in Aventura.”
Hmm where have I heard of a similar situation? Oh that’s right. Britney’s restaurant.

Not only is another D. Wade’s in the works but he’s also looking to get into gourmet Chinese with Alonzo Mourning. Oh yeah I’m going to get Chinese from Zo and D-Wade. I’m also going to get sushi from Popeye Jones, Elijah Dukes and Raekwon while I’m at it. Rae’s a chef after all. You would have thought Star could have kept the restaurant going by herself. Don’t let that staple gun action fool you. She can still bring the ruckus.

Let’s run down the list. Britney cheated on Justin Timberlake and ended up with Kevin Federline. Wade’s marriage is falling apart and he’s seen hanging with Star Jones. Britney was on top of the charts and selling out shows before crashing and burning on the VMAs. Wade was an NBA championship team which has become a lottery team that can’t sell half their seats.** Her restaurant failed miserably and so did his. He hasn’t quite caught the crazy yet but hanging with Star Jones is definitely suspect.

Wade could use an intervention before it’s too late. We suggest Sir Charles and Montell Williams ambush him Cheaters style when he’s out with Star and break him down on camera. Fuck the whales. Save the Wade!

**We can’t put attendance on him. Sports have no business in Miami. They could be some of the worst fans in America.