Friday, April 11, 2008

What The Hell Is Going On At Liverfool

Far be for us to make fun of Liverpool and their fans but even we have to ask what the hell is going on at Anfield these days. You haven't heard? Liverpool's a clusterfuck these days. Allow us to catch you up. Watch your valuables.

Do You Know What Nemesis Means?

Nemesis is a hard word for Steven Gerrard but there's no way he'll ever forget what that word means for the rest of his life.

G's father, Paul informed a court by letter that Stevie was being blackmailed and harrassed by Liverpool gangster George "Psycho" Bromley. He was placed under police protection but Psycho was still able to ambush him outside his flat as well as vandalize his car and chase him home from practice. We forgot to mention that Psycho threatened to shoot Gerrard in his legs and cripple him.

Paul Gerrard decided to get some outside help and hired "underworld fixer" John Kinsella to sort out Psycho.

"We were at our wits' end when we were introduced by a family friend to John Kinsella. I told him about the ongoing threats and violence. John then reassured me and my family he would resolve our nightmare.
Kinsella testified that he simply "spoke" to Psycho and the harassment stopped after Psycho decided to "take his advice". Oh Kinsella was in court as he's accused of being a part of a gang that carried out a £41,000 robbery and led police on a 130 mph chase. He's claiming he was only in the area of the robbery "in his role as an underworld enforcer".

Liverpool Fans Are Learning What Texas Rangers Fans Already Know

Tom Hicks is a donkey. This is the same guy that signed A-Rod to a ridiculous contract that handicapped the team. He also signed Chan Ho Park. Now he's trying to destroy Liverpool and he's taking no prisoners.

A seemingly permanent rift has opened between Hicks and partner George Gillett over the sale and direction of the club. Tensions are enough where they asked to sit separately at the Liverpool's last Champions League match. He blocked the sale of Gillett's shares to a Dubai interest who were willing to buy.

Hicks unsettled the team but approaching Jurgen Klinsmann about taking over for manager Rafa Benitez. The team's fall from the title race seemed to start around that time. Rafa and the players haven't recovered from the turmoil. Hicks also did this without the knowledge of Gillett.

Now he's demanding that chief executive Rick Parry step down because he feels that he's in Gillett's camp. To his credit, Parry told Hicks to fuck off (at least he should have) and that he's not going anywhere.

As much as we (fine, I) like to rip Liverpool, this is a bit much. Hicks is slowly destroying a team with a long tradition and supporters with sticky fingers. Things won't get better until he is forced out.

Guess Who Thinks Liverpool Sucks As Much As He Does

Andrei Voronin, come on down! You're the next Liverpool player to get robbed!

Wait until Liverpool fans see what the "striker" had to say about their city of culture.

-- "Compared with Germany, England is far behind in terms of comfort and culture"

-- "Steve Gerrard was burgled recently so a police patrol car comes into our compound fairly often. We hear police sirens all the time. Leverkusen, by contrast, was so much quieter."

-- "The medical services here are poor. When I was in Germany, there were lots of good clinics and doctors. It is nothing like that here - when our child had a skin allergy we waited hours for the doctor to see him. When we finally got to see a doctor, he said he didn't know how to treat children and to try rubbing in this ointment. That was it. I was stunned. As a result my wife had to go back to Odessa with him and took a full set of tests there."

-- "But English isn't the main problem. The main thing is to learn to understand the local players like Gerrard and Carragher. They speak with some peculiar local accent and sometimes I have absolutely no clue what the guys are saying."

I'm sure Voronin will be pleased to know that Liverpool fans think he's just as useless. He's been nothing but a flop since arriving in Scouse Country. He should rest comfortably knowing that he'll be leaving as soon as the season is over.

What The Blood Clot?

The Roberto Flack Chronicles found this footage of Max Kellerman and his late brother Sam putting Young Black Teenagers to shame.

Say Good Day To The Gilbert Burger

Now Milwaukee arena football fans know how McRib fans feel every time McDonald's brings the glorious samich back then cruelly takes it away. Gilbert Brown has left the building.

Former Green Bay Packer Brown was coach of the Continental Indoor Football League's Milwaukee Bonecrushers until Tuesday when he resigned along with the rest of the coaching staff and the general manager. The reason was "'irreconcilable differences' between football operations and ownership on how best to run the program".

I remember feeling the McRib/Gilbert sense of loss when I went back to Wisconsin and discovered Burger King no longer made the Gilbert Burger. For those of you who didn't have the honor of living in Wisconsin during the Gilbert Burger era, the burger consisted of a "double whopper with double cheese, double lettuce, double tomato, double mayo, double onion, double ketchup and, as the manager of a Green Bay Burger King said in a telephone interview 'no pickle because Gilbert doesn't like pickles.'" I called 9-1 and waited for the impending heart attack the first time I tried the burger. They didn't call him The Gravedigger for nothing.

How depressing would it have been to kick it in a Madison Burger King because of a Gilbert Burger? Better there than Jocko's Rocket Ship or Stillwaters.

The IOC Does Not Feel Your Pain

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Words to live by if you're International Olympic Committee (IOC) President Jacques Rogge.

Athletes can be expelled from the Beijing Games if they display Tibetan flags at Olympic venues including their rooms. Rogge said that participants are free to express their political views but would face "sanctions" if they engage in propaganda. Whatever, dude.

The IOC can't define propaganda for the competitors so they won't have any idea if they are engaging in propaganda. The Chinese would consider almost any political view not in line with theirs propaganda. Consider their response to Rogge's request that they respect human rights.

Mr Rogge’s call for Beijing to abide by its promise to address human rights was given short shrift by Beijing, which bluntly told him to keep politics out of the Games.
How did we become China's bitches? Of course they already have America's monetary balls in a vice grip but it's like the rest of the world has lost its sack. Somehow the Chinese have got other countries including the US thwarting protesters and doing their dirty work. Are the Olympics so important that countries who claim to stand for human rights, sponsors and athletes are willing to stand by and act as though nothing is going on when people are being repressed? Of course, the answer is yes.

Be honest with yourself. If you're not participating in the Olympics or related to someone who is competing, the Games aren't that important. Maybe they are if you're from somewhere like the Central African Republic, Bangladesh or Zamunda. NBC and corporate sponsors may shove them down our throats and we may take it like champs but would you really miss them if they weren't around? Besides a few great moments, do you remember anything about past games? Do you reminisce and talk about how you can't wait until the next Winter or Summer Olympics? If you said yes, you're lying. The only time Carl Lewis comes up these days is when you're talking about this hotness or his acting chops (Foul language warning).

The Olympics do have some redeeming value but they don't rise above all other considerations. It may have seemed like a wise political move but the idea that giving in to the Chinese government would make them respect human rights was and is absurd. They don't roll like that.

Things will get worse (more annoying at the least) as we get closer to the opening ceremonies. The IOC and participating countries shouldn't feign shock and surprise when things blow up in their faces. This crisis was foreseeable. Maybe we can burn some more doves (start at 4:50) during the opening ceremonies. It'll be applicable this time.

Snap And The Gap Band Salute Your Vigor

How this rugby player lives let alone walks we'll never know.

It's not clear what hurts more. The landing or having to listen to those douchebag anchors. They'd do well on your local news with those assclowns Flip and Barb or whatever the fuck their names are.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

China Ruins Olympics' One Chance To Be Interesting

Chinese officials said today that they have uncovered and foiled a terrorist plot to kidnap athletes, foreign journalists and tourists at the Olympic games in Beijing. 35 people from a "vast terrorist gang" have been arrested in the past few weeks and officials are keeping on top of things to prevent anymore syndicates from popping up and succeeding.

Damn. Not that I really wish anyone to die or be harmed or anything but I know i'd be glued to my television and computer if i knew some sort of terrorist attack was going on. Leading up to the games right now, no one cares much about the athletes or events anyway. Everyone is just reporting on all the screw ups that China has had getting ready for the games. I read more stories like about how the air sucks and the toilets suck and the swimsuits suck than actual hype for the athletes that are in the games. Isn't that what the Olympics is supposed to be about, the athletes?

What I'm trying to say is, none of it is really all that interesting anymore. No one can write up an interesting enough story about any of the athletes that are participating in these events so everyone is just focusing on these softballs. I'm burned out on it and the games haven't even started yet. I don't care anymore about these jacked up games. Watching them now would only be for ironic reasons only. From now until the end of the summer, I don't want to hear anything more about the Olympics unless someone is kidnapped or something is bombed. Otherwise, it's just not at all interesting anymore.

From CNN

Bengals Fan Shows His Support On His Tags

This is the best vanity plate I think i've ever seen. I so hope its not photoshopped.

From Tings I See

This is Just Unfair

Jose Canseco playing in a Florida softball league is the definition of "RINGER". Watch here as the steroids poster-child himself bangs what is apparently his 2nd homer of the game. This is what its come to for Jose, how on earth can this even be fun for him? I had a friend who played football collegiately and he hated playing flag football because it just wasn't even close to the real thing. It bored him. Can he really be enjoying this?

Via NESW Sports

The New Worst Sportscenter Segment

I was watching Sportscenter tonight, enjoying a decent show until this came on. The Bud Light Freeze Frame. If you are unfamiliar with this segment, watch it below, but to sum it up. It has 4 pictures of sports events in the past week and it invites fans to vote on which one is the photo of the week. This, in and of itself, is not all that bad. What makes it really bad are the comments that were sent in by the viewers to explain their votes.

Its like ESPN is doing the work for Deadspin here with their ESPN Featured Comment of the Day series. Not a single one of these is funny on their own and the straight delivery by Chris McKendry doesn't help them one bit. This just might be the new, worst segment on Sportscenter. Agree?

Bethune-Cookman Player Wants To Join Vick's Prison Team

Bethune-Cookman backup quarterback Brandon Wright was arrested last night and charged with attempted murder after reportedly pulling a shotgun on a man who owed him money. That would have been the whole story except that young Mr. Wright was arrested in his dorm room where the cops found a ton of cocaine and marijuana as well. Thus, in addition to the attempted felony murder, home invasion robbery and false imprisonment (for breaking in and demanding his money) they added including trafficking cocaine within 1,000 feet of a school.

Wow...kid is in trouble. Here's what the Florida police chief had to say:

"He had no record." [Police Chief Mike]Chitwood said. "He was very honest and forthright. He came right out and said I did it." Police said Wright was dealing drugs to make ends meet.

Why else would you be dealing drugs? You dont deal drugs just for the adrenaline rush? Of course its to make ends meet! Not like a backup quarterback from Bethune-Cookman is getting some booster support there in school. Looks like Mike Vick might not have to be permanent QB of all the prison teams there in Leavenworth, he could have some company soon.

Via CBSSportsline and Florida Today

Blue Jays Fans Cannot Hold Their Liquor

The Toronto Blue Jays are thinking of scrapping their $2 upper deck seat promotion because too many fights occurred during the past couple $2 seat nights:

Nearly 100 fans were ejected from Rogers Centre in both the April 4 home opener against Boston and Tuesday's game against Oakland, mostly for "alcohol-related" incidents, Godfrey said.

A man and a woman, both shirtless, ran onto the field in the ninth inning of the home opener.

See, when you give away seats for that cheap the only thing to do with the extra money is to spend it on booze. Unfortunately, it appears a bunch of Canadians cannot hold their liquor (wonder what these guys think of this). In any event, because of all of this, no alcohol will be sold in the upper decks for the rest of the promotion days and there will be extra security to pad people down for smuggling in hard alcohol and beers.

Of course, this just means that people will go down to the lower levels and chug beers as fast as they can and either proceed to streak the field or walk back up to their cheap seats on the upper deck to get into some fights. Doesn't seem like much of a solution to the problem. More like using your finger to stop a leak and 2 more spring up.

With any luck though, we'll see more action like this


Kenny Mayne has a new book, "An Inaccurate and Incomplete History of Sport", and my review copy just came today. We'll see how fast I can burn through it for a review for you guys. If you want a preview, check the link

Quite Possibly The Most Bad Ass Go-Kart Ever

The Jet-Kart. Damn son!

From TechEblog