Friday, June 15, 2007

The Constitutional Vol. 2

Its Friday morning, I'm hungover, Mustafa has no internet currently due to some problems with his ISP and I have a meeting here at work in a little bit, so posting will be a tad bit sporadic today. So to keep you guys entertained with something...Welcome to the Constitutional

Thursday, June 14, 2007

The Constitutional - Vol. 1

We're going to try our hand at a link dump so we can feature a lot of the blogs that do a great job of making light of the day in sports. Mustafa and I are going to try to make this a daily thing...we'll see how that goes. Welcome to the Constitutional.

  • The Flyers don't have much to look forward to next year...except Orange Shirted Fat Guy. Barry Melrose Rocks

  • Dan Marino is making a movie about Sex Slaves in China. Sports By Brooks

  • Nationals "Racing Presidents" bobbleheads are coming and they look freaky. Nats 320

  • Never talk on your cell and weight lift at the same time - 100% Injury Rate

  • Patrick Kearny & Ron Mexico are not being treated the same. Double standard? The Starting Five

  • Flying dogs is a sport too...and not cruel. Fanhouse

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Greatest Punch-Out Video Ever

A lot of Nintendo's Punch-Out youtubes were on the sports blog-type-sites in the past weeks (Like Deadspin and Mr. Irrelevant with Jamie's minor obsession with it to name a couple) but this one, I believe, is the champion of Mike Tyson's Punch Out videos. Apparently Nintendo held a film competition that invited anyone with a camera to make a short film about Nintendo. This video below is "Team Awesome's" entry. I'm not even going to describe it further, just watch and enjoy. (Watch it all...its quite a trailer).

Thank you College Humor for this...

And You Thought Your Girlfriend's Gift Sucked

Talk to former St. George rugby player Meli Allen. He ended up in court pleading guilty to a charge of assault occasioning actual bodily harm (as opposed to theoretical).

Imagine you just lost your job. You're depressed so you go home to your girlfriend who buys you a present to make you feel better. Tickets to Vegas? Nah. Tickets to a football game? Nope. A purple cashmere sweater? Holla.

Allen admitted punching Ryan Phillpot, 19, once on the nose on November 25, 2006 in Bridge Street, Sydney.

In sentencing Allen in the Downing Centre Local Court today, Magistrate Julie Huber was told the victim's friends had yelled "You poof, you fucking fag," at Allen after seeing him in the jumper.

Allen approached the men, asking, "What's your problem?".

When they repeated their jibes, he threw a punch at Mr Phillpot.
In a move guaranteed to create harmony at home, Allen's lawyer claimed that he "reluctantly wore the sweater so as not to offend her".

Talk about going from bad to worse. No job. A pissed off, embarrassed girlfriend. Criminal charges. Who knew sweaters could cause so much trouble? Maybe it's not Cosby's fault he fed roofies to girls. Stupid sweater.

The situation probably makes Allen wish he lived in the township of Hinton. Isolated by floodwaters but supplied by beer.
SES Spokesman Phil Campbell says they are being re-supplied, and today there was a special beer run.

"When we had some room in the boat we could take a few kegs of beer across to the Hinton pub, because of course State of Origin is on tonight, and it's important that we let communities function as normally as possible."
Maybe he can paddle his way up the riveridoo and get away until the lady calms down...or buys him a sequin-covered ruffle shirt and indirectly causes a blood bath.

Snooker Is Gangsta

Photo by Keith Taylor

Snooker is not known to be the most violent of the billiards games, but here it proves that it can be just as rough as the $50 a ball game down at the pool hall on MLK Blvd. You know that pool hall, with the warped and stained tables from all the booze spilled on them, the smell of stale beer and cigarettes in the air, some old guy sitting in the corner, silent, but watching every move made and cackling like a hyena with a pack a day habit whenever you scratch a ball...yea, that's real pool. However, snooker is attempting to rival real billiards by having fights break out in charity exhibition matches! Thats hard-core man.

This snooker match broke into a fight due to a disputed call made by the referee. Alex "Hurricane" Higgins did not like a ball touching call made and landed a punch in the stomach of the man in the tux above, the ref, Terry Riley. Riley took exception to this, grabbed Higgins and pushed him backwards along the table until some of the crowd and his opponent stepped in.

From the story:
The event's promoter, Gary Astley, said Higgins later told him the referee had "over-reacted" on Monday night.

But Mr Riley, a class one international referee with 25 years' experience, said: "It was a punch and officials are not there to be punched."
I never thought I'd live to see the day where a snooker referee could be called "gangsta" but its time has come...and I've never felt so alive before.

Full Story from Daily Mail here

Life's A Sport. Drink It Up, Dawg.

Elijah Dukes could teach the Cavs about rebounding. He didn't waste any time getting over his last relationship. What better way to show the world that you're over the mother of your children than by having another child by a child?

Sports by Brooks reports via the St. Petersburg Times that the Devil Ray's Elijah Dukes impregnated a 17 year old foster child living with his step-grandmother. Police say no crime was committed as the sex was consensual but the foster home is under investigation for some reason.

The girl informed Dukes about the pregnancy along with another family member. He responded by getting mad and throwing a bottle of Gatorade at her.

Dukes' mother managed to keep the situation in perspective.

"He's doing well on the field," she said. "He's doing so good. It's just every time he turns around there's something coming at him."
While we'd like to congratulate him on his fielding percentage as calculated by his mom, bagging an underage girl doesn't count towards a Gold Glove.

Director Woody Allen was asked for comment. "I feel for Elijah. I also can't listen to too much Air Supply. I start getting the urge to conquer underage girls. I mean I hear the first lines of 'Every Woman in the World' and I end up with my foster kid. It happens. Mia knew how I felt about that."

Thanks to SportsbyBrooks and the St. Petersburg Times

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Basaball Has Been Berry Berry Good To . . . Posh???

Is it me, or does the ball in the last picture look like its about to get thrown all of 9 inches? Mr. Mia Hamm better watch out who he is caught associating with though. If he goes all A-rod cheatin on his wife, well, lets just say I can't imagine a worse pain than a swift kick in the groin by Mia...

Always Bet On The Ocho

Detroit Show Me Love Up In The Club

Detroit Lions DT Shaun Rogers doesn't have an invisible touch. He's all about taking control and slowly harassing the strippers.

A Detroit stripper accused Rogers of inappropriately touching her sometime last week at a strip club on Detroit's west side.

Note Rogers and his buddy showing off the shocker and the old, misused and teen-style single finger action used later at Polly Esther's and up in the strip club. Westside hittin' hairy cock all night long. Get ya club on!

This is just weak when compared to Joe Cullen's swagger.

*Chef Steff has a bunch of great celeb pictures including this one with Kid from Kid N' Play. Looks like he's getting a meal at the local soup kitchen. Not a house party anymore, is it Kid?

This Is How We Do

When we hit the Oneida casino up in Wisconsin. Ones and firewater in flasks set the night off right. No checks, straight cash homies.

If I had to guess, I'd say that Pretty Boy Mayweather is advising our friend, Off-Brand Fat Joe to invest half the stack in pork bellies and sin stocks while investing the other half on Savannah (well it's that, Crystal or Jenny) behind him. "Yo son, this is mad money like that guy from Seinfeld who talks about stocks and shit!"

*click the picture for the TMZ story

Monday, June 11, 2007

Manchester Is Full Of S**t

We're a couple weeks late on this but this is too good to pass up.

If this is the worst Pedro has seen, he certainly hasn't been to any Liverpool, La Liga or Serie A matches. Back to shoving your face full of prawn sandwiches in the press box.

Thanks to Soccernista for the link.

Here's another reason Fox Soccer Channel should spend more than $2.50 on Fox Soccer Report talent.

Thanks to With Leather and The Offside.

Open Wide For Some Soccer

This Gold Cup match determined once and for all which nation is the greatest on earth. Mexico or Honduras.

The Deuce bows in Honduras' general direction and we salute our new overlords.

Oh yeah and the US won too.

Mormons Hate Tibet

First Freddy Adu gets hit in the head with a golf ball and now Tibetan supporters are being oppressed Tiananmen-style.

Several fans were tossed from an exhibition match between China and Real Salt Lake last Thursday for waving a Tibetan flag.

Some of the Chinese players stepped off the field early in the second half and refused to play again until the flags were put away.

The fans put away the Tibetan flags, as well as flags of Taiwan and a sign referring to China's Tiananmen Square protest in 1989, but brought them out again later in the game.

Real Salt Lake spokesman Trey Fitz-Gerald said the fans were kicked out for being disruptive. He said they were more focused on harassing the Chinese players than making a political statement.

``This is a case where we invited this team here, and we were their host, and we needed to be diplomatic,'' Fitz-Gerald said.
It would be one thing if buddhist Richard Gere was thrown out with his gerbils. Utah hates your freedom.

If I Could Be Like Diego

Lionel Messi scored a goal against Getafe earlier this season which was reminiscent of Maradona's amazing goal against England in 1986 which is considered by many to be one of the greatest goals ever scored.

Looks like Messi took his hero worship to new heights over the weekend with a goal that resembled Maradona's Hand of God.

England fans must be having Vietnam-style flashbacks.