Friday, January 25, 2008

Funniest Beer Commercial Ever

Hands down, this commercial beats anything that you will see during the Super Bowl next Sunday. Enjoy the classic Adam Sandler and Chris Farley fake commercial for "Schmitts Gay"

DC Mayor Wants Redskins Back

Washington DC mayor Adrian Fenty wants the Washington Redskins to return to the nation's capital. Currently the Redskins play at the 11 year old Fed Ex Field, which is in Landover, Maryland. Former Redskins owner Jack Kent Cooke built the stadium with his own money on land given to him by Maryland officials. At the time, Washington DC did not want to give land to the Redskins to build their own stadium. Times have now changed.

Adrian Fenty said on Wednesday that he is going to present a proposal to Redskins owner Dan Snyder for a possible a 100,000-seat domed stadium that also could be used for Super Bowls and other major events. DC's Chief Financial Officer Natwar Gandhi has gotten involved and will do a financial analysis of the impact that building this stadium and the return of the Redskins to town will have on the city.

To this, I have two things to say 1) It better not cost the tax payers much if anything like the National's stadium and 2) THANK GOD! Going to FedEx Field is a miserable experience. There is no good way of getting there. If you drive, you're stuck in traffic, if you metro, you have to take it all the way out to Maryland, then choose to either walk a mile and a half or take a shuttlebus that may or may not leave you once the game is over, causing a crazed mad scramble to find your bus (an adventure unto itself) and get on it before it leaves you.

Once you're there, the stadium itself has as much character as an office building. There is nothing good to see when walking up to the stadium or when you are in your seat sitting down. If you're unfortunate enough to sit up in the "nose bleed" seats, you could actually get a nose bleed. You are eye level with helicopters that fly around the stadium and I have seen several cases of vertigo bring people down once getting up there.

I hate FedEx field and would love to see the Redskins back where they belong, in Washington DC. If these guys can figure out a way to do this that is beneficial to the city, its citizens and the Redskins organization (tall order I know) this might be one of the few bits of good news out of this team since the Dan took over.

From NBC 4

Just In Time For Wedding Season

Sports Garters! There is no way that these are officially licensed, but they are here and just in time for the spring wedding season. So now, for the ultimate theme wedding, your lovely bride can wear the team logo that you love near and dear to leg. Sexy ain't it?

They come in most NFL and NCAA team logos and colors, so if you're planning on getting married and are a couple that enjoys sports, uh, maybe think about it? Or not, really, you shouldn't, perhaps you should move on to another story.

From Unique Wedding Garters

Creepy Pedos Ruining Swim Meets

Three Newport Harbor, California boys were unknowingly photographed while at their water polo matches...and those photos have been posted all over the web on a bunch of different gay porn sites. The sites show several photos of non action shots of the boys in their speedo swimsuits, but no nude shots.

“The kids are being photographed for wearing normal water polo gear,” [coach Jason] Lynch said. “It’s not like they’re going out of their way to wear something racy. Water polo players wear Speedos.”

The sucky thing for the swimmers is that no one can do anything about it (note that pic isn't them, thats just for the ladies and gay men who read the site):

“Anybody can come to a public event and photograph it,” he said. “They’re public Web sites. They’re not making money off it.”

“It’s creepy,” [one of the players] said. “I guess there’s nothing you can do about it. I guess you should just keep your eye out to see if there’s a weird-looking guy or device taking your picture. If you see that, just report it.”

So yea, it is creepy, but how different is it than the people taking pictures of Allison Stokke? Is it just that much creepier because its a homosexual thing? Maybe because instead of their pictures being posted on a sports blog they are being posted on gay porn sites? I mean, either way its wrong and these high school students are being exploited for the sexual gratification of people who like to look at teenagers in skimpy athletic uniforms. Although that Allison Stokke is hot...wait, that is bad, I think, oh dear, time to go get another e-meter reading.

From Daily Pilot

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Amateur Hour's Almost Over

It's ok. We all make mistakes. The important thing is that we learn from our errors and grow as a result of them. It's not as bad as you think it is. Who remembers that Tom Brady used to mess with Tara Reid? As far as most are concerned, that's all Kyle Boller and that's pretty much what you would expect from him.

Tony Romo's about to blow the whistle on his relationship with Jessica Simpson. Ok Magazine reports that Romo's been trying to break up with Simpson because he's sick of her shit but like a snap and the Giants defense, it's a bit harder than expected.

On Jan. 17, Tony called Jessica at her L.A. home to try to break things off. "He said he thought it was better if they went back to being friends," a pal of the singer tells OK!. "'Just friends' is not in Jessica's vocabulary, and she is not a victim. She knows how bad this will look in the media."

But according to the pal, Jessica refused to give up, and so Tony invited her on what he thought would be the worst date of her life: a hunting trip! "It's Tony's way of punishing Jess," laughs her friend. "Jessica Simpson hunting — and without her entourage? Forget it!"

But according to an insider,"Tony has finally started to realize how high-maintenance Jessica is," says her friend. "We're talking diva status. She comes with an entourage, and that includes her dad, Joe Simpson. What's not to love?"

Too bad he didn't pull a Dick Cheney on the hunting trip. We're sure this has nothing to do with her effect on his play or the pure hatred of the fans.

Regardless, one can only hope that he's decided to step his game up and quit messing with chickenheads. Brady seamlessly stepped up his game to the professional level by pulling actresses and Victoria's Secret models while leaving the chickenhead hoes like Britney, Jessica and Tara to neophytes like Romo and Matt Leinart. You want to be big time, you gotta roll big time. You're the quarterback of the Dallas Cowboys. Leave Simpson for guys like Cleo Lemon or Philip Rivers. Rivers would probably be happier than a pig in shit to go to the preview of Blonde Ambition 3 at the corner Blockbuster.

Dan Marino Sells High Class Wine At Publix

Dan Marino is selling some "premium" chardonnay, merlot and cabernet sauvignon wines that are going for $13 at Publix, local wine shops and his Dan Marino's Fine Food & Spirits which has several locations in Florida. Its called Vintage 13, you see, Dan wore number 13, so that's why its called Vintage 13 and is sold for 13 bucks. That, my friends, is good marketing there.

This is only the start for Marino Estates' venture into wine however, later this year Marino plans to nationally distribute a line of reserve wines at a $25 price tag. Maybe then he can get that wine into other fine drugstores like CVS or Walgreens!

Marino of course isn't the first former quarterback to have his own wine label, Joe Montana has done it too, and we need to somehow procure a bottle of this wine so that we can sample it and give a review. Without having tasted a bottle, the Deuce will just assume that the wine will have a sort of nutty smugness, with hints of fruitiness and a bitter aftertaste from lingering around too long.

The good news is that for each bottle sold, $1.25 will go to the Dan Marino Foundation to help children with chronic disorders. I dunno what chronic disorders specifically, but if some kid has one, buying this wine will apparently go to help them. If anyone can get their hands on this and wants to send one our way, email us here at the Deuce. We like to get drunk.

Via Miami Herald

Rappers Makin' Movies About Sports

Oh dear, it seems that Fred Durst is going to be directing Ice Cube in a new, yet to be titled "inspirational" sports film about the first female quarterback in Pop Warner history, "who with her teammates draws support from her uncle (Ice Cube) and members of their Illinois town when the team plays in the Pop Warner Super Bowl." My dear God...what hell hath we wrought people?

As if any Ice Cube movie could be worse than any movie he's made since the original Friday, he's got the former king of all douchebags Fred Durst of Limp Bizkit directing him in this feature. This has the makings of being one of the worst sports movies of all time, and I'm not using hyperbole here, I really am saying this movie might just be the worst sports movie of all time.

We all know the film credits of Ice Cube lately (XXX State of the Union, Are We There Yet?, Are We Done Yet?, Torque to name a few) and Fred Durst's directing, well, lets just hope its better than his singing (oh yea he directed this video...Jebus save us):

What The Blood Clot?

Maybe we should be happy that the Japanese spend their time coming up with crap like this instead of trying to take over the Pacific Rim. Getting slapped in the balls or bitten by a komodo dragon has to be way better than a death march. Too soon?

US Sports Fans Want To Buy A Team

In an idea similar to the's successful effort to purchase a European football club, some guys here in the good ole US of A are trying to gather sports fans together to purchase a professional sports franchise of any type. Its called Project Franchise and it wants sports fans of all types to give $5 bucks for a share in a sports team yet to be purchased. They aren't trying to buy a MLB, NBA, NFL, or NHL team yet, we all know those cost hundreds of millions of dollars, but they are trying to buy into a minor league baseball or hockey team, NBDL franchise, or Arena League team.

With your 5 bucks, you get a vote in the running of a professional sports team ("team name, colors, coaches and lineups all the way down to condiments at the concession stand"), which is pretty much every fan's dream, right? Seems pretty cheap to me but also just a little bit dangerous if they aren't careful because the British version wanted a donation of 70 bucks for 1 share and each person could have just 1 share so that block voting did not occur. Lets hope this rule exists here.

Also, they'll have to get tens of thousands of donations to get enough to purchase a team. 50,000 people with 5 dollar donations means just $250,000 and I wouldn't think that'd be enough, but what do I know.

We'll see if these guys can figure out these kinks as it goes, but right now they just want people to sign up for their mailing list if they are interested in the idea or there is a facebook group you can sign up with.

Its an interesting idea and we encourage you to sign up and see what happens, I mean, the worst thing is you get your 5 bucks back and you don't own a team. Nothing wrong with that.

From Project Franchise

LT's Playoff Glory Captured In Action Figure

Yes, that's right, you too can own a piece of NFL playoff history, immortalized in plastic, with McFarlane Toys LaDanian Tomlinson "sittin on tha bench scowling cause I cant play" action figure! Look at the detail in that scowl, the slight pout in the lips, he just wants to get in the game so bad, but that knee just won't let him! Get yours today Chargers fans!

From Toys R Us via Kissing Suzy Kolber (saw they had this after we posted)

The Constitutional Vol. " "

Here's some news and posts to help you get you through your day and the scariest urinal on the face of the earth...Welcome to the Constitutional.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

OJ Mayo Just Ended His Collegiate Career

Apparently OJ Mayo might have violated NCAA policy by accepting "complimentary" tickets from Carmelo Anthony for Monday's Nuggets/Lakers game at the Staples Center. The LA Times reports that:

NCAA bylaw states that student-athletes may not receive "free or reduced-cost admission to professional athletics contests from professional sports organizations, unless such services also are available to the student body in general."
Whoops! OJ Mayo didn't do himself any good when asked for comment on his gratis $230 dollar seats,
Anthony made the offer of tickets at a party he hosted Sunday night, Mayo said.

"I was talking to him like, 'Man, you're out pretty late. You've got a game tomorrow against Kobe [Bryant],' " Mayo said. "He said, 'Nah it will be all right.' And then he asked, 'You want to come to the game?' And I was like, 'Sure.' "

Mayo said his seats for his first Lakers game were so good "I could talk to [television analyst] Reggie Miller and tease him about UCLA."

Well lets see, first Reggie Bush possibly could be ruining the football program's legacy after news he took improper benefits from prospective agents and now this happens to the USC basketball program, before they even get the chance to do anything of importance on the court.

Can USC keep its players from taking shit? How hard is it to tell these guys to "not take anything from anyone because you are being watched". I mean, its probably easy for some scrub on the offensive line or a 3rd string point guard to take something, but c'mon now, EVERYONE is watching OJ Mayo???

Granted, with all the hype that OJ Mayo has as a player his team is just 11-6 with a 2-3 conference record so far but at least he is averaging 19.7 points a game (with a team high 3.9 turnovers a game). So even with OJ performing as great as he can be, his teams stinks. Do they really need him messing up their tournament (NIT anyone?) & scholarship opportunities?

This season was just a way for him to jump to the pros without getting hurt anyway, so screw him. Kick his ass out and leave him to get drafted by the Timberwolves, that'l show his pampered ass somethin and maybe he'll start following the rules.

From LA Times

You Know How I Know The Patriots Are Gay?

I watched this video