Saturday, September 22, 2007

I Am The Lion

Goldie says "Rawr!". While Oscar was off being dominated and working the hell out of some fishnets (I'll never look at them the same again), Floyd Mayweather Jr. was trying to man up in England. He was probably worried about how he'd look dancing in seaquins on Dancing with the Stars. He's definitely in the clear now.

Mayweather was given a big "Who Are Ya?" in Manchester while promoting his upcoming fight with Ricky Hatton. He wore a Manchester United jersey in order to piss off Hatton's fans. Hatton is a declared Manchester City supporter. Not quite as good as wearing the sombrero while entering the ring against de la Hoya but strong nonetheless. It's the attention to detail.

Sky Sports News was there to cover the hero's welcome.

I don't know about you but I can't wait until the press conference of the Mayweather-de la Hoya rematch. It's hard to believe that Mayweather hasn't been all over Goldiegate.

Photo: Courtesy of SportsByBrooks and X17.

Friday, September 21, 2007

100% Injury Rate's and Deuce's Straight Up NFL Weekly Beatdown Contest

Its on like Donkey Kong bitches. 100% Injury Rate's WCK and I, Chimpanzee Rage, are battling it out in the field of football prognosticating excellence. In other words, we're going head to head in picking NFL games straight up, no spread. That's right, its "100% Injury Rate's and Deuce of Davenport's Straight Up NFL Weekly Beatdown Contest".

Every Friday, 100% Injury Rate and your favorite douchebag bloggers, Deuce of Davenport, will have our picks available for all you degenerates gambleholics to discuss, dissect and disseminate while we will go mano a mano in a fight to the death...every week. Well ok, not really death.

What are we playing for you ask? Simple. The loser each week will have to do something he certainly does not want to do, unless we tie, then we both do it because neither one of us want to kiss our sisters.

This week, since its just the beginning, we'll start off easy...the loser of the NFL pick'em must defend the below image in a blog post on their site:

Ok...we'll that won't be fun. Look down for THIS WEEK'S PICKS..and let the beatdown commence!!

Week 3 Picks: 100% Injury Rate's and Deuce's Straight Up NFL Weekly Beatdown Contest

Here's the picks folks. The battle begins, in Week 3. Do let me know how wrong or right you think I am. Favorites are named first:

Indy @ Hou - No Andre Johnson = Loss - COLTS
NE v. Buffalo - The Bills are teh suxxor - PATRIOTS
NYJ v. Miami - I'll go with Trent Green on this one - DOLPHINS
Philly v Detroit - I smell 0-3 coming!!! - LIONS
Pitts v. San Fran - Big Ben keeps on ticking - STEELERS
TB v. STL - Rams finally get right - RAMS
SD @ GB - Pack's luck finally runs out - CHARGERS
Balt. v. Ariz - Leinart actually dies in this game - RAVENS
KC v. Minn - Um..wait...who is the Vikings qb now? - CHIEFS
OAK v. Cle. - This is not game of the week material - RAIDERS
Sea v. Cinci - Palmer is gonna light up the 'hawks - BENGALS
Den. v. Jax - Cutler wont do so well against this D - JAGUARS
Car @ ATL - Panthers roll easy on this one - PANTHERS
Wash v. NYG - Area 51 will injure everyone - REDSKINS
Chi v. Dal - Daaaa Bears shut down Romo & Co. - BEARS
N.O. v. Tenn - And the Saints...lose again - TITANS

Check out 100%'s picks here and compare. God, they are going DOWN!

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Bill Belichick 's Got Ruthless Aura

Rose Rosetree proclaims to be able to read people's aura just by looking at a picture of them. Recently, she took a look at maligned New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick during his "apology" he made for video-taping the Jets sidelines. Here's what she has to say:

Verbal integrity (at the throat chakra): Speaking, Belicheck scores 10 out of 10 for integrity. He’s clearly a warmhearted guy, larger than life, very enthusiastic and an expressive individual who can’t help letting his passions show.

Power integrity (at the solar plexus chakra): Well, here’s where the coach scores a 7 out of 10. What really stands out is the man’s craftiness. In contrast to his personality, where he seems hale and hearty, intellectually how the man can scheme! His thinking is highly analytical. Besides being an absolutely cunning problem solver, there’s a ruthlessness that must serve him well in his sport. Normally, he would be very careful not to cross the line into anything outright wrong, but watch him put his toe right up to that line.

Spiritual integrity (at the third eye chakra): No, this isn’t just about church attendance. Spiritual integrity is a really important component to read in a person. George W. Bush, for instance, has his very worst integrity score in this department, which is saying something (and I DID, long before he first began to occupy the White House). How does Belicheck connect to his personal source of inspiration? Give him another 10 out of 10. Think all the best qualities of big, bouncy puppy. The man doesn’t have a hypocritical bone in his body. No wonder he had the grace to mouth more than the current cliché “I accept responsibility” and use the big A word, “apologize.”

She claims to not know anything about football, nor who Belichick really is other than the Patriots head coach who made a statement that she read and is a bit of controversy, so take that for what its worth. I do like that she calls him a big bouncy puppy. I mean, that really is the first thing I think of when I see him on the sidelines looking like someone just took a dump on his hot new wife.

The telling part is that in the "Power Integrity" section she says he is an "absolutely cunning problem solver, there’s a ruthlessness that must serve him well" and "he would be very careful not to cross the line into anything outright wrong, but watch him put his toe right up to that line". Maybe this aura thing is worth looking into.

If you're interested in more, check out her site, she does OJ Simpson as well.

From Rose Rosetree
Image not of Rose

We Are In Favor of This

There is nothing like two women fighting in a ring, especially when one of them has GIGANTIC breasts. I am not sure if this is MMA or wrestling or what, and I dont care. The only way this could be better is if Jeanne beat the hell out of Ninja with just her breasts...ahh a man can dream, can't he?

Kenny Bell Needs Your Help

We've all seen or played Madden '08 and marveled at the life-like moves of Reggie Bush and Chad Johnson in fully rendered CGI glory. A lot of those moves we watch and are astounded by were all provided by one man, Kenny Bell...and believe it or not, he has never even been invited to an NFL training camp.

Kenny Bell is a 5'9 wide receiver who can run a 4.33/40 with a 39 inch vertical and played collegiate football at Hofstra (where Wayne Chebret is from) after the University of Washington went under NCAA sanctions and his scholarship was revoked, but he has yet to get a shot at the big-time. The closest Kenny's gotten to the pro's is 989 Sports' football video games and the Madden series.

The OC register interviewed the poor guy and he had this to say:

"I kept on thinking, 'Any day now, I'll get a chance to prove what I know I can do,'"

Kenny Bell graduated in 2002, has made a DVD of himself catching passes from Josh Booty and has a letter of recommendation from Jeff Garcia that states "He has shown me the talent and the skill to play on the professional level." The horrible thing is this poor guy still carries around both wherever he goes, just on the off chance that someone...anyone...will give him a shot with a professional football team. Just a tryout, a practice, something to show a professional scout what he can do.

Its really kinda sad. There's gotta be some team out there that can give this kid a tryout. He's got the speed and the vertical, someone could see something in him, or at least tell him what he doesn't have to make it into the pros. The guy is stuck in limbo, wondering if he'll ever just get one chance to prove he can or cannot make it as a professional football player.

I wonder, if anyone give this guy a chance or has time, bad-timing, and extraordinarily bad luck has conspired to ruin all of Kenny Bell's dreams. One thing is for sure, he will be immortalized forever in those Madden games. Every time i see a receiver stretch to grab a ball or get the hell knocked out of him so bad that he goes down in one of those helicopter blade spinning hits...I will remember that the guy that took that hit was Kenny Bell.

From The OC Register

OJ's Attorney Has A Big Fan

I love these clips of OJ Simpson's attorney just constantly getting interrupted by the toothless guy to his left. His facial expressions and interruptions are priceless. He acts like he must be the president of the OJ Simpson fan club. Just hilarious. Fan IQ has the dirt on him "The man standing behind Yale Galanter, O.J. Simpson's lawyer, is Jake Byrd, a comedian who can sometimes be seen on Bill Simmons' friend Jimmy's television show (that would be Jimmy Kimmel Live)." Fantastic!

Hat tip FanIQ

The Constitutional Vol. 19

We're back again with the best link dump that we have to offer, which really aint much. But here's a bunch of shit that we found that we loved, found interesting, thought was hilarious, or just couldn't be stolen and made into a blog post of our own. Thats right, I said it...Welcome to the Constitutional.

  • Donovan McNabb responds to criticism from his HBO appearance. Yardbarker Blogs

  • Houston Texans' Longsnapper Bryan Pittman is a pretty interesting guy. Houstoned Ballz

  • Here is everything you've ever wanted to know about every Texas football stadium...all of em.

  • Hines Ward might just be an evil criminal mastermind. Epic Carnival

  • Oliver Miller is my new favorite Redskins fan. Hogs Haven

  • This video gave me cancer just watching it. More Credible

  • 100% Injury Rate brings you...The Panty Shot show. Wait...this isn't sports? 100% Injury Rate

  • Pay your respects to the Washington Generals dammit! Scott Van Pelt Style

  • Campus life for Michelle Wie ain't so bad. Golf Talk

  • This is a pretty badass t-shirt for Chris Cooley. I might need to get one. Mr. Irrelevant

Eagles Fans Take Their Losses Badly

This guy is the Hater and he is most upset about the Eagles 0-2 start to the season. From the video, this is a high quality production by The Hater kinda runs out of steam in the middle of this, it must be tough to yell for nearly 3 minutes straight, but I'm most impressed that he can read his script with just one eye. The glorious moment in this video is when he literally switches paper bags at around the 3:45 mark and is now a screaming Phillies fan screaming for them to "MAKE THE PLAYOFFS!!!!!". Philadelphia sports fans have some passion for their losers I tells ya.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Fantasy Football Drinking Game!!

We at the Deuce are big fans of drinking . We are also playing a bit of the fantasy football this year. I figured, the time has come to marry the two into a perfect union of football and alcoholism and create, the fantasy football drinking game. This game is sure to get you drunk as a skunk, so long as your team is actually good. If your team sucks, not only will you lose your fantasy game...but you'll lose and still be sober, maintaining your normal sad outlook on this shitty world we live in. Its quite easy to pick up, and live scoring is a must here's the rules:

  • Every 10 yds RB/WR/TE = 1 shot/drink of beer

  • TD scored = 1 pint/can chugged

  • Every 20 yds QB = 1 shot/drink of beer

  • INT/Fumble lost = 1 shot of liquor of choice

  • X-point = SOCIAL! Everyone take 1 shot/drink of beer

  • FG = 1 pint/can chugged (you shoulda scored a TD you pussy)

  • Sack = 1 shot of liquor of choice

  • Safety scored = 1 pint/can chugged

  • Player ends game with a yardage amount ending in 9 (meaning you were 1 yard away from 1 more point) = 1 shot of liquor of your choice

  • Player out of game due to injury/ejection = 1 shot of liquor of your choice

  • Starting a player on a bye week = 1 pint/can chugged immediately, dumbass

  • Start Rex Grossman = 1 shot of liquor of your choice (you will need it)

  • Complain about not starting someone lighting up the scoreboard on your bench = 1 pint/can chugged...and quit your whining bitch!

  • Rooting for a team going against your favorite team so you can score more fantasy points = 1 pint/can chugged (you don't EVER root against your team)
Addendum: Game can be reversed if actual fantasy football opponent is in the room drinking with you. All team scoring actions are then switched to drinking when the other team scores points. That way if you lose at football, you will so drunk that you won't remember your sad defeat...until the next morning when you're hungover.

Got any more suggestions?

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Piecurious: Ray Lewis' Full Moon BBQ

Professional athletes often have no idea what to do with their money. Some invest wisely like Robbie Fowler or Magic Johnson. Others blow their money on child support like Travis Hen....never mind. There are those who invest in clubs like Cliff Levingston and Dennis Rodman. I suppose there's also dogfighting, drug rings and NASCAR. A large percentage of past and present athletes such as Chris Chelios and Michael Vick decide to invest in bars and restaurants.

From time to time, the Deuce will take one for the team and review these athlete-owned or sponsored establishments. First up is Ray Lewis' Full Moon BBQ in Baltimore.

I'm available to take wedding and funeral pictures with my cell phone.

You can always tell that a restaurant is popular with the local gentry when you walk in on a Saturday night and see only two tables taken and no one at the bar. Unfortunately, we got to the Canton restaurant around 9:30-10:00 at night so we had to get carry-out. Well that's not exactly the reason why we didn't stay. Redonkulous 1.0 and I would have stayed except we noticed a sign stating that an 18% gratuity would be added to all bills after 9:00. Fuck that. I already heard stories and there was no way I was gonna put 18% down if said rumors were true. Maybe my tip would be to tell the waitress not to stand up in a canoe or look into the sun.

I ordered the chicken and rib combo along with mac and cheese and greens. Redonkulous 1.0 ordered the BBQ chicken with greens and mashed potatoes. After arriving back at the lair, we proceeded to dig into our meals. I was disappointed as soon as I opened the box. The chicken portion was fine in terms of size but the rib portion looked as though it came off a Darfurian pig. My disappointment was soon confirmed when I took a bite and the meat slid off the bone. Usually this is a good thing but it's not when the meat is dry and the sauce is flavorless. Hickory slow cooked my ass. There was definitely no reason to stab and twist the meat off the bone Buckhead style.

The same applied to the chicken. While the portion was ample, the sauce had little flavor and was somewhat reminiscent of the BBQ they used to serve in my college dining hall. Devoid of flavor. If I had to guess, I would bet they used Hunt's or Aldi-brand BBQ sauce. I wouldn't be surprised if it was mostly ketchup.

The sides were possibly the only thing that saved the meal besides the Ray Lewis bobble head. The greens were flavorful and had the requisite chunks of chicken (rice and stuffing macaroni and cheese and Santa put gifts under Christmas trees). The mashed ppotatoes were light and fluffy. The mac and cheese was a bit chalky but tasty. Adding leftover BBQ sauce was improved it slightly. I was looking for any positive I could find. The chow-chow portions should be larger as this was the best part of the meal.

While we didn't have time to sample the other entrees on the menu, I don't see myself going back to do any followup. While it isn't the worst BBQ I've ever had, its bland, corporate nature puts it on the level of Applebee's and Chili's.

Rating: 1 Getaway Limo

* The shirt says "What time is it? GAME TIME!! Any ribs in the house??". I may go back just to buy one of these.

You Can Enter Area 51, But You May Never Leave

Everyone might be talking about Jason Campbell's "coming of age" performance last night in the Redskins 20-12 win over the Eagles, but I think it was really LaRon Landry's coming out party. The rookie nearly ended the game on a missed, diving, interception late in the fourth quarter. That was upsetting to LaRon one must figure, so he did the only thing he could do, he later absolutely unloaded on Philly wide receiver Kevin Curtis, forcing him to drop a perfect McNabb pass, preventing a 1st down and guaranteeing the Redskins victory. Landry was also 2nd on the team in tackles with 7 (6 solo) and even got a 1/2 a sack as a bonus. Sean Taylor was 4th in tackles with 5, including a couple devastating blows to the Iggles receivers. They got the message, if you go into Area 51, you will be killed.

Other bright points for the Redskins win were the play of 2nd year LB, Rocky McIntosh who lead the team in tackles and had a sack, Jason Campbell's entirely capable performance which was marred only by one truly bad interception, and Shaun Suisham is still perfect on the season kicking field goals.

The bad for the 'Skins, no Redskins running back has topped 100 yards in a game, Betts was outrushed by Campbell on the same number of carries, the offensive line's depth is being tested, 2 games, 2 starters down.

All together, the offense and defense weren't always pretty, but both were effective. The Defense was in total "bend but don't break" mode for most the 4th quarter, allowing McNabb to hit his checkdowns and drive the ball up the field. The offense needs Campbell to be more accurate on his throws, sailing balls over peoples heads on short and long throws alike (he missed a wide open Moss on what woulda been a 64 yarder). Effective wins in the NFL, so long as the other team makes more mistakes than you.

As for the Eagles, what can you say, McNabb didn't look right all game, the Eagles receivers suck, their defense has no playmakers in the backfield other than Dawkins and their blitzing schemes are not working at all (1 sack). Westbrook is the only standout on this time right now and they have to figure out whatever magic they had the last year when they started 0-2 if they want to get back to the playoffs again.

This homer of a Redskins fan is one happy guy...AREA 51 FOREVER!!!!!!