Friday, July 6, 2007

Drinks That Should Be Named After Athletes

When you walk into a fancy bar, you ask for fancy drinks, stuff like "I'll take a Midori Colada" or "Caramel Apple Martini" or something classy like that. When you go into a sports bar to watch your daily dose of athleticism you should be able to ask for a drink with a sports themed name. We here at the Deuce love drinking and sports, so we're happy to provide you with a guide. Here's a dozen to get you started. (I double dog dare anyone to do this entire list...if you do, I want pictures and lots of them.)

Snotty Bitch = "A Terrell Owens"
Directions: Prepare a tall glass full of ice then add 1 part Vermouth, 1 1/2 parts Vodka, 2 parts Sour mix, then 1 1/2 parts Club soda. Shake, strain, and finish off with a splash of lemon juice. Prance around like the bitch you are for the rest of the night.

Mind Eraser = "A Troy Aikman"
Directions: Pour 2 parts of coffee liqueur, add ice, float 2 shots of vodka, and two parts (or so) of lemon-lime soda, club soda or tonic water (your preference). Remember nothing for the days.

White Russian = "A Kirilenko"
Directions: Prepare a tall glass full of ice then add 2 parts Vodka, then 1 part Coffee liqueur, finally add 1 1/2 parts Cream. Stay white homey.

Liquid Cocaine = "A Doc Gooden"
Directions: A double-shot. Get a mixing cup ready with ice. Pour in 2 parts each of Vodka, Peach flavored Bourbon, Amaretto and Orange liqueur. Splash pineapple juice, then shake. Pour into double-shot fucked up for life.

Incredible Hulk = "A Barry Bonds"
Directions: Add 3 parts Hypnotiq to a chilled cocktail glass. Then add two parts Hennessy Cognac. The result is a mean green drink with a sweet but killer bite.

Blue Mother Fucker = "An Eli"
Directions: Pour 1/2 parts each of Curacao (Blue), Gin, Rum (light), Tequila (clear), Vodka into a glass of ice, add 1 splash each of 7-up and Sour Mix. Shake, drink and get sacked.

Veritas Asshat = "A Kobe"
Directions: Fill glass with ice, add 2 shots of 151 (rum) then 2 shots of Midori (melon liqueur)then 2 splashes of sour mix and then fill to top of glass with sprite. Stir with straw and ASSHAT!

Dirty Butt Whore = "An Amaechi"
Directions: Prepare a highball glass full of ice. Add 1 part Bourbon, 1 part Jagermeister, and 2 parts Orange juice. Fill the glass with Cola. Insert your own joke here.

Brain Damage = "An Elijah Dukes"
Directions: 3 Parts Gin, 4 Parts Jagermeister, 2 parts Vodka. Build in a rocks glass with a single ice cube. Go fucking nuts immediately after...dawg.

B-52 = "A Heath Shuler"
Directions: Layer 1 part Kahlua, 1 part Bailey's and then 1 part Grand Marnier in a shot glass. Prepare to be finished quickly.

Sexy Gator = "A Tebow" (for the ladies)
Directions: Put melon liqueur and sour into a mixing tin, and spindle-mix for two seconds. Pour contents into martini glass. Slowly pour Jagermeister down the side of the glass (it will sink to bottom). Carefully float raspberry liqueur on top of the melon-sour layer. If successful you should have a 3 layered drink! Upon finishing, you have had sex with a gator.

Suicide Pact = "A Benoit"
Directions: Grab 2 shot glasses and a friend. Each fill your shot glass halfway with tequila and top off with vodka. Prepare to die. (Too soon?)

Recipies from Extratasty & Drink Nation
Photo of Drunk Random Dude in DC By
SexyFitsum on Flickr
Photo of Tebow from Barstool Sports


Rupert Entwistle said...

Very nicely done.

Anonymous said...

Available in Portland bars: The Sam Bowie. Part Sambuca, part Drambuie. Believe me, you'll wish you'd had a Michael Jordan instead.

James said...

Tim Tebow's life is better than mine.

Doberman on the Diamond said...

My Pepsi almost came out of my nose when I read the Amechi one. Fabulous.

Anonymous said...

You forgot the Larry Bird

2 parts Gin 2 parts Skim Milk...

More Credible said...

This shit is prime. Although Tebow's preferred drink is straight tequila shots (let's say I've hung out with him once or twice), how would you put together a Reggie Bush? Or Percy Harvin? Or a Matt Leinart (which you know that drink is guaranteed some ass).

Which gives me a joke.

What do you get when you go up to a bar and ask for "a Brady Quinn"?

A Zima.

Prime said...

Actually, A 'Brady Quinn' is a green wine cooler. And thats not a joke, that is verified I-saw-his-ass-with-a-green-wine-cooler.

Anonymous said...

A Long Island will always cause me to make inappropriate gestures towards my female coworkers...

rename it the Harold Reynolds.