Friday, August 24, 2007

MLB Supports Gangs

Major League Baseball is actually licensing New Era ballcaps that feature not just gang colors but reproduces gang symbols as well! The hat above features colors and patterns used by the Bloods gang, but there are others that use colors and symbols for the Crips (blue and gray) and for the Latin Kings (a gold crown).

MyfoxNY reported on some outrage and protests on the hats after the jump:

"Companies involved should not profit from the promotion of gang affiliation, which leads only to gang violence," the activists, who call themselves the Coalition to Protect Our Children, said in a statement. The coalition is concerned that unsuspecting kids could buy one of the hats, wear it in the wrong turf and then be targeted for attack.

The group marched in East Harlem Thursday and pressured local shops to pull the caps from their shelves. One store operator agreed to do so.

I went on New Era's website to try to find these hats and I couldn't. I wonder if they've been taken off the site already? The Deuce applauds Major League Baseball however, talk about a shrewd marketing move to actually attempt to go for a market that hasn't been exploited since the early 90s with the black and white White Sox, Kings and Raiders apparel. Gangsta rap might not be popular anymore, but real muthafukkin G's still live on. HOLLA BUD SELIG!

eXtreme Sports Get Dumber and Weirder

The wonderful thing about Extreme Sports is that you are only limited by your imagination...and these guys are either some of the most creative people you've ever met or the dumbest. Its Underwater Ice Hockey. Don't confuse this with the pansy-ass game played in on the bottom of a pool while hitting a puck with a tiny stick, this is a game of hockey played not on top of a frozen body of water, no that would be too easy, it is played on the ice UNDER the frozen body of water.

In February 2007, Austria, the Czech Republic, Finland, Germany, the Netherlands, Poland, Slovakia and Slovenia even played for the 2007 Underwater Ice Hockey Championship, with Finland beating Austria 7 to 4 for the title of World Champion. Here's a video (not in English) of how its set up and how people actually play this insane "sport".

Fantasy Football Domination: Statistics Say RB's Are Overrated

The Deuce has tried to stay away from offering up fantasy football advice to the masses...mostly because we do not want to help out or tip our hand to our fellow fantasy leaguers we're drafting against. In this case, we must share. University of Cincinnati professor Michael Fry (in the center of the picture) along with his students have studied and analyzed fantasy football drafts so much, they wrote a paper on it that was published in the Journal of Quantitative Analysis in Sports. What they found might change the way you look at the draft forever.

Fry Says:

1. A traditional maxim in fantasy football is to draft two running backs in the first two rounds because RBs are seen as being the most valuable. However, this year our model generally recommends against this strategy. There are only a few (really two) sure-fire RBs and then a deep crop of 2nd-tier RBs. Thus, our model often recommends taking a RB first, then taking a top QB or WR next and coming back for your 2nd RB later.

2. It can often be a good decision to draft one of the top defenses (generally the Chicago Bears or Baltimore Ravens) earlier than most people would suggest. If you miss out on these top defenses, then you might as well wait until the very end of the draft as there is too much uncertainty in how other defenses will perform. The same is often true for kickers.

3. But the main point is that if you feed garbage into the model, you get garbage out. If you are convinced, for whatever misguided reason, that the Cleveland Browns QB (whoever that turns out to be) is going to be a star and you rank him first, then guess what, the model is going to tell you to draft him very high.

So there you have it, don't do what everyone else is doing by drafing all RBs...go against the grain and get your top QB and WR picking up your 2nd RB later. Then, shoot for a defense earlier than everyone else and lock down one of the top two. Seems so easy doesn't it? You only have yourself to blame now if you lose you dumb bastards.

The best line I've saved for last. Fry goes on:

“It amounts to this: you have a set of choices that people can make. They all want the best player available and sometimes people just go for that player, regardless of what they really need. All you really want to know — in fantasy and in real drafts — is what set of players is not going to be available when your turn comes up.”
That is some deep shit right there. My pants are getting tight from the excitement. Sunday, I am dominating my draft. Mr. Fry could be a true American hero...unless I finish dead last again. Then I'm coming after this braniac bitch.

From Univ. of Cincinnati News

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Justin Timberlake...A Professional Hockey Player?

At least he's going to play one in the movies. Justin Timberlake has signed on with Mike Myers and Jessica Alba and Verne "Mini Me" Troyer to star in "The Love Guru" where Timberlake plays a hockey player that is dating the ex-wife of another teammate with Mike Myers there to fix the rift that this caused, allowing them to win the Stanley Cup. Here's the full synopsis for you from after the jump:

In the film, Pitka (Myers) is an American who was left at the gates of an ashram in India as a child and raised by gurus. He moves back to the US to seek fame and fortune in the world of self-help and spirituality. His unorthodox methods are put to the test when he must settle a rift between Toronto Maple Leafs star hockey player Darren Roanoke (Malco) and his estranged wife. After the split, Roanoke's wife starts dating LA Kings star Jacques Grande (Timberlake) out of revenge, sending her husband into a major professional skid — to the horror of the teams’ owner Jane Bullard (Alba) and Coach Cherkov (Troyer). Pitka must return the couple to marital nirvana and get Roanoke back on his game so the team can break the 40-year-old “Bullard Curse" and win the Stanley Cup.

Seems like a sure-fire winner to me. Ok, well not really. This cast blows, what is Mike Myers thinking? Has he made a good flick since the first Austin Powers? And what the hell is Justin Timberlake doing in an NHL uniform? There is no way that skinny bitch can even attempt to look like a professional hockey player. His bony ass would get checked into infinity. I'd love to see him play one game in the NHL just to see if its possible for a single check to break every bone in a human's body. I guess the NHL needs to do anything to get its name back out there...even if its attached to one sorry ass comedy...but hey, its got Ms. Herpes herself Jessica Alba, so it can't be that bad. Can it?

Its set to come out next summer, June 20th...mark your calendars.


Must Whore, Will Travel

Are you a money-grubbing, golddigging**, shallow chickenhead with chav tendencies? Do you like to follow your boyfriend/husband on business trips just so you can be seen and do some shopping on his dime? Do you like to starve yourself and think you can sing? Well we have the travel agency for you. Traveling Whores Ltd. will make sure you arrive in the country you can't find on a map and make sure you get back home with all your schwag.

Spurs/England striker Jermaine Defoe's fiancee Charlotte Meares has somehow been employed by the UK''s Commonwealth and Foreign Office to advise WAGs (Footballers' wives and Girlfriends) and wannabe WAGs about foreign travel.

Here are some of her money shot tips after the jump:

Charlotte’s Top Travel Tips:

Know Before You Go!

- It might sound trivial but you never know when you might break a nail or your extensions turn green in the pool. To stay looking your best even if you are not taking a personal stylist with you, get a number of good local beauticians or check if the hotel has one before you go!

- Other useful numbers to take with you are that of the local consul or embassy - it could be invaluable if you lose a passport, or if a bit of wild partying gets you into trouble with the local law! Also take the number and details of your insurance company - it will save you loads of time and hassle if your luggage full of designer gear goes missing at the airport!

Insure Those Choos:

- An absolute must is travel insurance - one tumble off a bar table in your Jimmy Choos without insurance could cost you £20,000 worth of shopping money on your hospital bill! And whether you’ve got five Louis Vuitton cases full of designer gear or a beaten up bag full of Primark, you’ll want to know that if anything gets lost or stolen you will be covered.

Go Native:

- If you research your destination in a guide book or on the web before you go, then you arrive knowing all the best places and where you should (and shouldn’t) be seen!

- Another WAG technique for looking cool and ‘in the know’ is to arrive at your destination wearing something the locals would but with a unique twist - think Henna’d hands in India.

- Check out for travel advice and more information about your destination and you’ll also be able to find out about local laws and customs - you don’t want to get arrested in the Caribbean for wearing a camouflage bikini (camouflage clothing is illegal!) or get arrested in Florence for drinking too close to a church.

Come Fly With Me:

- Luggage restrictions are different all the time now and change from airport to airport and carrier to carrier - research what the requirements are and plan carefully what you are taking on the plane and what is going in the hold. (Frank Lampard’s fiancée Elen Rives delayed a flight because of a dispute over the amount of hand luggage she had!)

- Remember your ‘must-have’ cosmetics for the plane (eight hour cream, lip balm, serum etc) will have to go in a clear plastic bag through security now.

Get Your Jabs - and not just the botox!

- Check out medical requirements for your destination, as you may need vaccinations to protect you from prevalent diseases.

Copy That:

- I take all my documents in a stylish travel wallet so everything important is all in one place, but other tips include photocopying your passport, your credit card and insurance details in case you lose them.

Safety - Take No Chances:

- When you’re out partying and having fun, try and follow some of my safety tips:.

- It’s fun having a few drinks but watch out for any of your mates that are too drunk. Lots of girls end up in hospital after falling over and breaking something. The consequences could be even worse with guys taking advantage of women in that state.

- Try and stay in pairs or 3’s at the end of the night, even if your mate meets a hunk and yours looks like a skunk, stay together and say you’ve got a headache.

More Tips

- When I went away with the girls I was so excited, I tried to cram everything in the first day, make sure you don’t ruin the rest of your holiday by staying out in the sun too much or drinking excessively in the first day or two.
Brought to you by the British government with British citizen tax pounds. Feel the Mensa.

** What? You thought we were going with Kanye? Negro please.

January 13, 1990: The Day That Our Innocence Was Lost

This was the fateful Sunday when Bo Jackson's hip was forever destroyed, effectively ending both his stunning baseball and football careers while simultaneously setting in motion the demise of an entire decade. This moment was captured quite well by the guys at Team Tiger Awesome along with a whole bunch of 90s pop culture hell that somehow was caused by followed the injury. Bo ruined the 90s for us all...but at least he did leave us with some amazing Tecmo Bowl memories. (some NSFW language)

The Suck Heard Round The World

I've heard about dialing it in after getting a new contract or moving from temp to perm but this is ridiculous.

The Baltimore Orioles apparently decided that they've locked up 4th place so there's no need to try anymore. Earlier yesterday, manager Dave Trembley had the interim tag removed from his title in recognition of his good work after Sam Perlozzo's firing. Trembley must have celebrated by giving the team the night off. I can't think of any other reason why the Orioles would give up 30 fucking runs in one game to the Texas Rangers.

The last time this happened? The fucking 1800s to a team that no longer exists. Oh, the Orioles were up 3-0 so that makes 30 unanswered runs.

The beatdown was felt all over the world. Papers as far away as Australia reported on baseball's equivalent of Krakatoa.

Trembley probably felt as helpless as Rocky in Rocky IV when Drago killed Apollo. I know I haven't felt this good about the O's since 1988. Wild Bill Hagy would be proud.

Something magic happens, every time you go
You make the magic happen, the magic of Orioles’ Baseball!

When the game is close, and the O’s are hot
There’s a thundering roar from 34 to give it all they’ve got

And you never know who’s gonna hear the call
Every game there’s a different star
That’s the magic of Orioles’ Baseball!

Orioles Magic! Feel it happen!
Orioles Magic! Feel it happen!

O - R - I - O - L - E - S !

Magic! Magic! Magic! Magic!

More McGruff: McGruff Speaks Out On Vick

You know you're in trouble when McGruff is coming after you. This McGruff The Crime Dog PSA has been adapted to speak out against Michael Vick and his murderous ways. Kick him in the nuts! TITTIES!!!

UPDATE: Sons of Sam Malone posted this on the 9th...apparently we should read their blog more. WHO KNEW?

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

This Just In

Nothing happened today.

Last night? Well let's see ... Knitting Factory, Riverboat Gamblers, Andrew WK, Reno, tall boys, The Big Hunt, wings, Strongbow, handlebar moustaches, midgets, donkey show.

The Deuce will return tomorrow.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

There's A Little Donaghy In Everyone

Controversy exploded like a president on a prime minister's lap this past Sunday during the Liverpool-Chelsea match when Chelsea was awarded a penalty by referee Rob Styles for what later turned out to be a dive by Florent Malouda. Chelsea was able to equalize from the spot and go on to draw the match. Tubby Benitez was quite furious and Styles later apologized and was suspended.

The plot thickened when it was revealed the Styles is on the board of a construction company called Oakwood Groundworks Ltd. What's so odd about that? It turns out Oakwood did work on Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich's driveway last summer.

The referees association vouched for him and said that it was aware of the job and it saw no conflict of interest. However it would have been simple enough to schedule him for another game to take away the impression of a conflict.

Styles ran into controversy last year after a public spat with Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho after denying Chelsea penalties on several occasions. The row was resolved after Styles called Mourinho to apologize.

Nobody fucks with the Roman.

Terror Alert Level Raised To Metrosexual

Malcolm X was right. The chickens are coming home to roost. I have a gut feeling that the terror alert level will be raised to Metrosexual in the next day or two. That's fuchsia on the color scale for all you non-DHSheads.

Al-Qaeda and its sympathizers have had enough of footballers like David Beckham, Thierry Henry and Shrek (sorry, Wayne Rooney) prancing around the soccer field looking like hunky pieces of meat and playing dead sexy football.

A Scotland-based website and YouTube video condemns Muslims who admire and support celebrities and athletes and calls for their assassination. The News of the World (a reputable source like The Star or Media Takeout) reports that the site has pictures of the three footballers asking why Muslims support them.

A caption across the screen threatens: "Every soul shall taste death." Much of the soundtrack is a sermon given in London recently by a young militant cleric linked to radical Omar Bakri Mohammed, barred from Britain after praising the 7/7 bombings.

His rant declares that Muslims who are passionate about sport or music are hellbound like the "disbelievers" they admire. Other celebrities rubbished on the video include P Diddy and Justin Timberlake. It ends with the rousing message: "Rise up, oh youth!"
Now if the video just threatened P Diddy and footballers such as Robbie Savage, Craig Bellamy or Lee Bowyer, the threat level would stay the same and possibly drop to off-white.

We fight them over there so they don't come over here and now we bring one of their main targets here to show off like King Kong in New York? By the way we act, we even lost our minds.

It's clear what we have to do. Give them to the bad guys. Time to take one for the team. Maybe we could try to slip them Eli Manning while we're at it. "This one's on the house."

You Must Have The Wrong Address

This is definitely not Beat Street. That's about 3000 miles from here. You're in England where crap form extends off the pitch and into the kitchens and clubs.

First, we have terrible video of a plowed Wayne Rooney dancing to Michael Jackson.


David Bentley and David Dunn of Blackburn dancing to the Sugarhill Gang

Turbo vs. Ozone this ain't. It's so hard to decide which is worse. It's almost as hard as trying to decide who's better: Don Johnson or Philip Michael Thomas. It's awesome vs. phenomenal. Everyone's a winner. Winner winner chicken dinner indeed.