Friday, October 5, 2007

What The Blood Clot?

Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas has been all over the airwaves hawking his new book, "My Grandfather's Son". The Washington Post was present at his book release party at Armstrong Williams' house (paid for by the Department of Education) on Capitol Hill. Thomas was rubbing shoulders with dignitaries such as the Cheneys, NAACP President Julian Bond, Chief Justice John Roberts (shake it), Justice Anton Scalia and ... Stephen A. Smith.

Stephen A. Smith? Wow. This is a stretch if Thomas is looking for some street cred. I can see it now. Smith hanging out drunk in the corner yelling at Ruth Bader Ginsburg as she cowers and looks for security. "I'm tellin' you Ruth! Isiah Thomas is innocent! A bitch is a bitch! Black or white! The Knicks are terrible HOWEVA Isiah knows what he got to do! Let the man do his thing!"

Thomas' interaction with Smith consisted of him grilling the Quite Frankly host with basketball trivia.

"Who was the Black Jesus?" Thomas asked.

Before Smith could answer, Thomas said, "Earl Monroe."

After Thomas grilled Smith on more old-school trivia, Smith finally said, "You're trying to show me that you know more about sports than I do."

Everyone knows more about sports than Stephen A. Smith.

Nice move keeping him off balance. They say the best defense is a good offense. That's why he's a Supreme Court Justice.

Famous Last Words?

"For me personally, I don't think we should show [Fiji] any respect. We've never lost against them and I don't think it's going to happen. We just have to force our game plan down on them and be ruthless. We've got to show no respect for them. They're going to have no respect for us, like all the island teams."

-- South Africa Center Jaque Fourie referring to the Springboks' upcoming Rugby World Cup match vs. Fiji

Ricardo Clark Has Lost His Damn Mind

The MLS has suspended Clark for nine games and fined him $10,000 for kicking Carlos Ruiz. Everyone knows the MLS doesn't pay its players besides Goldenballs and Landycakes. He might have to go on food stamps.

Sexual Innuendo Caption No. 48204: MLB Playoffs Edition

Sometimes its too easy.

"Indians Hammer Wang"

Courtesy of the New York Daily News

The Browns Have No Hope Now

Thats right, as if the 17 1/2 point spread that Vegas laid down against them wasn't enough of a harbinger that the Browns were going to lose to the Patriots this week, Browns offensive guard Eric Steinbach pretty much nailed their coffin shut a couple days ago. Steinbach was pretty dumb before this statement, he did once get arrested for "boating under the influence" but this is kind of a new level of dumb. He was interviewed the other day about the Browns upcoming game against the 4-0 New England Patriots and had this to say:

"They're beatable," Steinbach declared Wednesday. "That's why they have this league. It can be done."

Yes, while it is true that the Patriots can be beaten, it is not true that the Cleveland Browns can beat them this weekend. No way, no how. You don't even need to have some sort of in depth, statistical argument here. The Patriots are way, wayyyyyyyyyy better than the Browns. I am, however, looking forward to when my Washington Redskins take it to the Pats like they did last year. GO SKINS! Fuck the Patriots!

Its Friday Lets All Do Drugs!

Man, what a day for druggies huh? Shall we do a quick round-up?

1) Travis Henry reportedly has tested positive for marijuana. Seriously, is this a surprise? Sure he's the leading rusher in the league right now, but he has been traveling the Ricky Williams path to smokin' your way out of the league for awhile. It was only a matter of time that Mike Shanahan found a way to kick him aside for Selvin Young anyway (with his gaudy 9.2 ypc average) he has a reason.

2) Marion Jones admits to using steroids in letter to friends and family. She says she used the drug while she prepared for the 2000 Summer Games in Sydney and is now going to plead guilty New York to two counts of lying to federal agents about using the "cream" and the "clear". This is about the definition of anticlimax really, we all figured she did it, the evidence was kinda stacked against her. At least its out now and her medals will probably be stripped. Sucks to be a cheating drug user, huh?

3) Tim Couch suspended for drug use and he isn't even in the league! Ok...this came out Wednesday, but we didn't post about it. Look what drugs can do to you kids! DON'T BE TIM COUCH! DON'T DO DRUGS! Wait...drugs can give you millions of dollars and a smoking hot wife. DO DRUGS! DO THEM!!!!

4) Cubs lost again and are now down 2-0! Everyone in Chi-town was drinkin the magic kool-aide, thinking maybe, just maybe THIS COULD BE THE YEAR! I mean the Bosox did it, the Chisox did it, surely they could do it. Nope, that is wearing off. Your team sucks and always has. Instead of moping around, how about you do some drugs like the above people? I mean, it made them happy for awhile at least.

5) Just to make this list an even five (which doesn't exist but 5 is a good list ending point)...Lorena Ochoa is trying to become the first golfer in LPGA Tour history to surpass the $3 million mark in earnings in a single season. Ochoa is #1 on the LPGA money list with $2,966,454 and she is currently playing at the $1.1 million Longs Drugs Challenge. Drugs see? Get the connection? LONGS DRUGS!

Thursday, October 4, 2007

The Touch Of Death

Somewhere Bud Selig is Smiling Big

Bud Selig must be smiling like a Cheshire cat right now. For the first time in MLB television history, 5 of the top 7 media markets have teams playing in the World Series.

With New York, Chicago, Los Angeles, Philadelphia and Boston taking part along with Cleveland (the 14th largest U.S. market), Phoenix (16) and Denver (18), the outlook is bright for television networks.

With this in mind, no wonder ESPN has been so stingy with the TBS name dropping this past week. Sure we know they're pissed they didn't get the rights and couldn't get in on the all-star game, but they had no idea that they would be getting no slice of this possibly monumentally gigantic pie. That's gotta burn them twice as much.

"This postseason, with the teams involved we have, is an absolute dream for a network."
Turner Sports President David Levy told USA Today.

Damn right it is a dream...except for ESPN. The worst thing that can happen now for everyone not the WWL is that the Rockies play the Indians for the championship...and hell hasn't frozen over yet so I think they're pretty safe. Is it cold in here?

From Conde Nast
Thanks to our friends at Awful Announcing for the hella good blogging

That's One Bitter Gimp

Just Kill Yourself Already

When life deals you a shitty hand, do you fold? Do you just lay it down and accept the cards you were passed? No fucking sue the hell outta somebody and fuck if it actually hurts way more people than you. That must be the mindset of this quadraplegic guy who went to see his nephew's birthday party at a local basketball gym and left suing them for holding the party on the 2nd floor which he couldn't access without just being carried up.

(CBS13) RANCHO CORDOVA Amid tears and fond memories, Basketball Town in Rancho Cordova has officially closed after moving out last night.

The company says it can no longer operate because of the high cost of fighting a costly lawsuit brought against the court.

Owners say their financial troubles started when a man claiming to be disabled was at the court to attend his nephew's birthday party being held is an area on the second floor with extra seating. He was reportedly unable to access the area. The employees offered to take him up the stairs or bring the party downstairs. The party was eventually held downstairs at the pizza parlor, but the man decided to sue the court for damages.

The cost of fighting the lawsuit is $100,000.

The company hopes to continue its program at community centers and schools.

I guess it is tough to give a hand-out to someone who can't lift theirs but come on, this is not the way to make up for your many shortcomings. Think of the kids, man!!

From CBS13 - Sacramento

Real Coach of Genius

Our friends at Burly Sports have mashed this classic Bud Lite ad with OSU head coach Mike Gundy. I just really cant get enough of those real man of genius commercials. For some reason, every single one of them makes me happy in places I shall not talk about here. Wait...wait...does that make me gay? Crap...I should stick some gratuitous hot large breasted women pictures up just to re-enforce my masculinity. Ah fuck that.

Check out other burly sports videos here...there are some good ones.

Welcome Back

Well the names have all changed since you hung around
But those dreams have remained and they turned around
Who'd have thought they'd lead ya here where we need ya?

Welcome back Gus. Watch those walls at the Ed Jones Dome. They too tall.

To welcome Gus back, lets take a look at career of getting the shit knocked out of him as provided by Woodcabinet Films.

Pacman Says Don't Do What I Does

Making it rain leaves bouncers paralyzed and strippers with headaches. That's why Pacman Jones say don't make it rain, kids and that's one to grow on.

Tim Hardaway's in gayhab. Ron Mexico's taking anger management classes from PETA. Pacman Jones ... Pacman ... well he's not much on self-improvement. He's more about leading by example.

Pacman bought 1500 tickets for a TNA pay-per-view event in Duluth, GA. He intends to give the tickets away to Fulton County students as a reward for academic achievement and good behavior.

Pacman was an honor roll student himself so he knows all about academic achievement and pounding someone's head on the canvas or stage. See kids, if you study hard, you can do whatever you want and not go to jail. All you Baby-Pacs study hard and one day you too can beat the shit out of some stripper like the Pacman. Wooooo!!!!!

Dancing With The Hulk

This is a bit old but it's the first time we've seen it. We're still trying to find the one where Cristiano Ronaldo is dancing to this. Yeaah!

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Don't Double Cross Ray Lewis

"Hey Trent Dilfer, you just won the Super Bowl! What are you going to do now?"
"I'm a stab that muthafucka..."
"What's that, Ray?"
"Nuthin', man. Good job on the MVP...bitch."

I'll be eternally grateful to Trent Dilfer for leading the Ravens to the Super Bowl but you don't take a man's MVP award like that. Especially a man who's good with butterfly knives and getaway vehicles.

One would think that would be enough to solidify one's position as QB but one would be wrong. Dilfer was bounced out of town in favor of Elvis Grbac. We all know how that went.

It's been six years and Dilfer's still a little pissed.

"I have absolutely zero desire to talk to Brian Billick ... "Those guys will go to their graves swearing to God that we would have won two, three Super Bowls if they would have kept me. I'm not going to say that; I have no idea. But I sure would have liked the chance to face the challenge. I would have loved that opportunity."

"[Billick] grossly misunderstood the talent of that football team, myself specifically."
At least he's not bitter.

Offensive genius Brian Billick responded,
"I have huge respect for Trent," Billick said. "I can understand why this is something that he doesn't want to let go. I don't know if there is anything that I'm ever going to be able to say or do to rectify it."
Replacing Dilfer with Grbac was wrong. Billick might as well have told Dilfer to shit on his hand and slap himself in the face. He finally got it right after subjecting Charm City to assclowns such as Stoney Case and Scott Mitchell and of course he had to mess it up. He doesn't deserve it but it looks like he's struck gold again with Kyle Boller. Oh wait...

Maybe Dilfer's pissed at the wrong person. I think Dilfer's ouster was really a Machiavellian master stroke by Ray Lewis who was pissed that he didn't get Super Bowl MVP. Yeah that's it.