Tuesday, October 9, 2007

What is in a Name?

The NFL is a man's game. To play it you need to be tough, and it doesn't hurt to have a tough-ass name to go with it. The Deuce has compiled a list of some of the toughest names out there, organized by type of innate toughness in the name.

The Rocks -
Call your kid rocky or some derivation of the name and he stands a good chance to be in the NFL and tough as hell

Roc Alexander - hou cb (IR knee)
Rocky Bernard - sea dt
Rocky Boiman - ind lb
Rock Cartwright - was rb
Rocky Mcintosh - was lb
The Baileys -
Both the Bailey boys have great tough-guy football names. One is a champion, the other is your fucking boss! Sit on it!
Boss Bailey - det lb
Champ Bailey - den cb
The Weapons of Mass Destruction -
These guys are so tough their names are fucking weapons. Can you get tougher than that?
H. B. Blades - was lb
Melvin Bullitt - ind s
Anthony Cannon - det lb
John Browning - den DT (cut)
Corey Mace - buf de (prac sqd.)
Marcus Spears - dal de
Takeo Spikes - phi lb
The Slice and Dice Guys -
These tough-men prefer to let the blade do their work, and their name shows their prowess with the knife's edge.
Jay Cutler - den qb
DJ Hackett - sea wr
The Serial Killers -
These men are so tough, their names tell you what they are going to do. They will gore you, thump you, battle you, burn you, savage you, kill you and slaughter you. They warn you before you even step on the field with them.
Arnaz Battle - sf wr
Thump Belton - det rb (cut)
Curry Burns - no s (cut)
Frank Gore - sf rb
Cedric Killings - hou dt (ir)
Josh Savage - no de (prac sqd)
Chad Slaughter - oak t (cut)
The Sexual Predators -
Stay away from these tough-guy sexual deviants...
Jermon Bushrod - no T
Madison Hedgecock - nyg rb
The Sexual Predator Police -
...or he might ask you questions on national television. This guy is just plain scary.
Chris Hanson - ne p
The Carpenters -
These tough guys will take their hammers and nail you to the ground, just ask them what their names are.
Na'il Diggs - car lb
Tom Nalen - den c
The All-Round Toughguys -
These guys names are just badass in their own, unclassifiable ways. How can you label a D'brickashaw?
Bam Childress - ne wr (prac. sqd.)
D'brickashaw Ferguson - nyj OT
Tuff Harris - mia cb - (prac. sqd.)
AJ Hawk - gb lb
Atlas Herrion - hou g (cut)
Turk McBride - kc dt
The Arctic Death -
These guys are so coldblooded their tough names will freeze you in fear.
Bobby Blizzard - cin te (cut)
Derek Frost - was p
The Tanks -
One of these guys had an arsenal in his own house...that is tough as shit.
Tank Johnson - dal dt (suspended)
Tank Williams - min s
The Video Gamers -
A man's man plays video games, and a mans man remembers the joys of the atari and playing with different colored blocks against other different colored blocks...a man's man also plays Madden.
Atari Bigbie - gb s
Patrick Chukwurah - tb lb - kinda sounds like the madden 98 tackle sound *CHUKWURAH*!
The Lynchers -
Their names pretty much speak for themselves. Lynching is a pretty fucking horrid way to die, just ask Saddam.
John Lynch - den s
Marshawn Lynch - buf rb
The Mans Men -
These guys are such manly, tough guy men, that they let you know they are manly in their own names.
Nick Mangold - nyj c
Logan Mankins - ne g
The Mass Murderers -
Hannibal Naives - sf lb:
Hannibal was the leader of some of the bloodiest battles on this planet and fictional serial killer.

Igor Olshansky - sd de:
Igor The Assassin former KGB agent believe to be the murderer of Alexander Litvinenko and who knows whom else.


Adam G said...

No Mack Strong? Best. Fullback. Ever.

Chimpanzee Rage said...

Ahem...Mike Sellers would like to have a word with you

Jordan said...

I don't think you know what D'Brickashaw means. It comes from Father Ralph de Bricassart, who was the priest in The Thorn Birds, which was a novel by Colleen McCullough from 1977 that became a TV mini-series in 1983. Not as badass as it sounds.

Chimpanzee Rage said...

Interesting factoid Jordan. I would agree with you that its not as badass if he was named De Bricassart Ferguson, thankfully, he's not and his toughness reigns!! Strong like brick!!!

Chase said...
This post has been removed by the author.
Chase said...

how about Troy Aikman?

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

you forgot rocky calmus lb

Jarrett Carter said...

1.Charles Dutton, who played Roc Emerson in the hit early 90's Fox series 'Roc' is not amused.

2. And Plaxico is plenty tough. Plexiglass holds a pretty well, even to the strongest of storms.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, you probably left Mack Strong out cuz he would be the only one who could occupy two different categories...

DaMan said...

Don't forget about the FB named Joey Goodspeed! A fullback named Goodspeed...kills me every time...

Butch said...

No Junior "Say Ow"?

Anonymous said...

Tank Tyler, D-tackle for the Chiefs

Anonymous said...

What about Boomer Grigsby.

Chimpanzee Rage said...

These are good, might have to make a follow-up post with em in it. Keep em coming in!

JJ said...

Booger McFarland FTW.

Anonymous said...

Natrone Means

Anonymous said...

tank tyler tank johnson are heavier (literally and figuratively) than all of those other weapons