Showing posts with label Boxing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Boxing. Show all posts

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

This Is How We Do

When we hit the Oneida casino up in Wisconsin. Ones and firewater in flasks set the night off right. No checks, straight cash homies.

If I had to guess, I'd say that Pretty Boy Mayweather is advising our friend, Off-Brand Fat Joe to invest half the stack in pork bellies and sin stocks while investing the other half on Savannah (well it's that, Crystal or Jenny) behind him. "Yo son, this is mad money like that guy from Seinfeld who talks about stocks and shit!"

*click the picture for the TMZ story

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Monsoon Wedding 2: The Donkey Punches Back

Watch out India. If Robin Given's new book is anything to go by, India should hide its actresses in a cave near the Himalayan border. Mike Tyson's coming to Bollywood. You think they got mad at Richard Gere? Wait until they see how Iron Mike treats women.

Tyson wants to star in Bollywood movies after having a great experience filming a Bollywood music video. The Times of India reports "the energy on the sets of a music video he recently shot for a new comedy got him thinking about trying to do more Bollywood work".

Iron Mike danced in a music video which will promote the upcoming movie "Fool n' Final". Reportedly his style was impetuous and his defense was impregnable.

Firoz Nadiadwala, producer of "Fool n Final" presented Tyson with a script. Tyson said that they "intended to work towards it" and possibly eat some children along the way.

If this video from the Jimmy Kimmel show is anything to go by, Tyson should be a hit.

I just feel for the person who has to let him know that they have to put a midget in his belly so he can hit those high notes during his solo.

P.S. Nice to see Bobby Brown working. Here's some bonus Bobby for you.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Opened Punching Bag Reveals Dirty Laundry

No, not the soul of black country, ACTUAL dirty laundry! A man and his son were moving their heavy bag downstairs and they wanted to see what was inside it in case the bag was going to somehow leak in this process . Much to their surprise they found this:

The entire heavy bag was filled with dirty, Cincinnati is on the case talking to the victim, Joe Heckel:

(There were) bras, thongs and bathing suits. We could not believe there were clothes inside instead of sand," he said. Heckel said the smell was "bad, real bad."
Since this is in Cincinnati, one must automatically think that a Bengal is at fault here. But which one??? Thank GOD our best friend Najeh Davenport is nowhere near the Cincinnati area. If he had anything to do with this laundry fiasco...things coulda smelled even worse.

More pictures of the mess below:

Photos by Joe Heckel, story from WLWT

You know you got hit hard...

...when you are still boxing after getting knocked the F&#% out! Holy shit he got hit hard, this is definitely keeping up with our Thursday "Random Video of Horrific Violence" theme day. If i am hearing it correctly, Simon Brown is playing the role of "Unconscious, Yet Still Creepily Punching The Air Around Him, Boxer No.1" in this video.

Ghost Fighting - Funny blooper videos are here

As always the video's comments section is full of nuggets to share:
"Its sport, wonderful spirit of sportsmen"
"Brain damage? What brain damage?"
"30 years he'll be standing on a street corner performing that same routine..."
"Looks like he's in heaven"
"how can you tell a real fighter? he fights even in his sleep! nighty night!"
"At least he went down swinging!!!"

Saturday, April 7, 2007

Grease Me Up Woman, I'm Going In

Zeferino Jackson of Black Sports Online had the opportunity to travel to Puerto Rico to observe Oscar de la Hoya in training for his May fight with Floyd Mayweather Jr. Let's just say that while his training methods are old school, they're also a bit...well, interesting.

Here are some of the highlights:

5 AM - 5 mile run that often ends up in de la Hoya running in a Mets baseball hat, speedos and running shoes with no socks

7:00-8:30 AM - Chase chickens

3:00-4:00 PM - "Family time with wife Millie Corretjer. According to one of Oscar’s entourage, Oscar enjoys non-ejaculatory sex with wife (rejuvenates the spirit). Freddie Roach does not discourage sexual contact during training as long as the fighter does not climax or reach orgasm. Roach declined to comment on exactly what Oscar does from 3:00pm to 4:00pm but he did share this: 'Let’s just say, when a fighter is pent up from having sex with no release, this increases his aggression and ferocity in the ring. This is why Manny is champ right now and this is why Floyd Mayweather’s getting knocked out on Cinco de Mayo..'"

8:00-9:00 PM - "Freddie Roach performs the full nude body greasedown massage technique on Oscar de la Hoya while fight strategy is discussed ... In my opinion, Freddie Roach is the least adept as his Parkinson’s affected hands don’t seem to allow him to perform the gentlest massage. For those not familiar with the deeper fundamentals of boxing training, the full nude body greasedown consists of the trainer rubbing a combination of oil, vinegar, and sometimes salt over the completely nude body of a boxer. This seems to increase concentration and cause a bond between the fighter and the trainer."

9:00-10:00 PM - "Freddie Roach has Oscar de la Hoya and the sparring partners go for a swim in a special thermal pool designed to relax the muscles and allow them to recuperate faster from the day’s training. Only fighters and trainers are allowed in the pool and no clothing or any type of swimwear is allowed while swimming. Freddie Roach supervises the swimming and I am informed that he also serves as a lifeguard during this. The environment is completely professional and not paramount to 'skinny dipping' as some in Floyd Mayweather’s camp have alluded to."

I don't even know where to start with this but I'll go with non-ejaculatory sex for $800, Alex.

"Hey, Millie. Hey, Millie! Listen here. Since your old man ain't got no heart, maybe you like to see a real man. I bet you stay up late every night dreamin' you had a real man, don't ya? I'll tell you what. Bring your pretty little self over to my apartment tonight, and I'll show you a real man."

If de la Hoya doesn't win this fight (which he has no chance of doing), he should just end himself. Getting greased up by a guy with Parkinson's and giving yourself blue balls every day is no way to go through life.

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Jose Mourinho Says Johnny Tapia Is A Lucky Filho Da Puta

Either that or he's ever-living like Mumm-Ra.

Johnny Tapia died and came back to life again. Yeah, that's right. Again. For the seventh time.

Seriously what the fuck? This guy has done everything to kill himself and still can't die. Maybe he sold his soul in order to continue his boxing career. It seems cool right now but you saw that knight at the end of the Last Crusade. Homeboy just wanted to die.

Maybe there can only be one.

Whatever he is, it may be time to call in the closer Boom Boom Mancini to finish this once and for all. No way a guy should get this many close calls.

Saturday, March 10, 2007

OJ and Evander To Open Detective Agency

Opening still available for white helicopter pilot who is comfortable wearing neckerchiefs and mesh shirts while maintaining his heterosexuality. Inquiries: [email protected]

While the search for Nicole's killer is a long-term project, the search to find out who set up Evander is a much shorter undertaking. Evander has decided to take it on himself to find out who linked his name with Applied Pharmacy in Alabama. Applied Pharmacy is part of a larger investigation into an internet steroid distribution ring.

“While I'm fairly certain I know how my name came up, I don't want to say anything more until I have all the facts, which I hope is just a matter of a few weeks,” Holyfield said in a statement. “At that time I'll release everything I know, no holds barred, and will be more than happy to respond to questions.”
Evander intends to conduct an inquiry to get all the facts so that means we'll have a bit of detective work combined with a Congressional-style hearing. The hearing should be fanfuckintastic if it mirrors the Sports Illustrated investigation.
...A patient by the name of "Evan Fields" caught investigators' attention. "Fields" shares the same birth date as Holyfield -- Oct. 19, 1962. The listed address for "Fields" was 794 Evander, Fairfield, Ga. 30213. Holyfield has a very similar address. When we called the phone number that, according to the documents, was associated with the "Fields" prescription, Holyfield answered.
We can't wait until he calls himself as a witness.

Evander: Please state yo' name for the record.
Evander: Evanda...I mean, wait, no Evanda...hol' up...Evan Fields.
Evander: When were you born?
Evander: October 19, 1962
Evander: That's when I was born too!
Evander: What's your address?
Evander: 794 Evander, Fairfield, Ga. 30213.
Evander: That's mah address too! I knew I seen you before! I seen you when I wake up and go to tha bafroom!"

Hopefully Evander will call a press conference to announce his findings.

"After lookin' into stuff and things, I found out that I didn't do nuthin'. Evan Fields proves that Evanda Holyfield is innocent. Now if you'll excuse me, I gots to go back to training myself for more brain damage...Waffles please."

Saturday, February 24, 2007

The Coward Of The County Returns

Now that Lennox Lewis wants to come back and finally take up that rematch against Vitali Klitschko, he'll have to pick up that English accent again. Maybe he can take lessons from Madonna, Gwenyth Paltrow and whatever other ex-pat, wannabe douchebags live in London. "I don't know what a chav is but it sounds so much more refined than anything America has".

Klitschko was in Miami on February 4th where Lewis has a home. It's rumored that the two met there. There have also been sightings of Lewis looking in better shape.

The Daily Mail notes that he might need the money to pay for his properties in Miami, Jamaica, London and America Jr. He's not in Tyson or Pippen trouble but he could use the extra income. He entered the World Poker Championships but lost on the first day. That seems about right.

Funny how the British papers say Lewis defeated Klitschko as if he won outright. If you remember, the fight was stopped after a huge gash opened up on Klitschko's eye. He was winning and probably would have won the fight if he had been allowed to continue. Lewis retired immediately and acted as though he won in convincing fashion and there was no one left to fight. Never mind being down on all the scorecards. He knew he'd get his ass handed to him in the rematch.

Lewis, who had slumped on to his stool at the end of the sixth like a sack of coal falling off the back of a truck, had just about enough strength to rise and celebrate his retention of the world heavyweight championship, but more than 15,000 fight fans knew how close Britain’s holder of the WBC and IBO titles had come to blowing his exalted place in boxing history.
He'd do well to listen to Sir Charles talking about Scottie Pippen.
"I don't know what he's thinking. It's not a good idea...He retired cause he couldn't play. He hasn't gotten better in the past couple years. You don't get better when you retire. You retire cause you can't play anymore. You don't get better sitting at home. You might feel better but you don't get better."
Hell he's 1-2 against Hasim Rahman. How? 1-1 in the ring and 0-1 on the set.

UPDATE: Lennox says he's not coming back. We see the bitch in you.