Monday, April 28, 2008

Karl Malone: Father of the Year

Karl Malone's powerful man juice has now spread beyond the world of professional basketball and into the world of professional football. It's widely known that one of former NBA great Karl Malone's bastard children is budding WNBA superstar Cheryl Ford (who was born the same year as his daughter with his current wife), but now the world will get to know another creation of Karl Malone's super DNA, new Buffalo Bills offensive lineman Demetrius Bell.

Unfortunately for Bell, he didn't get the chance to reconnect with his dead-beat father like Ford did. While Ford currently enjoys a dad-daughter relationship with Malone, Bell tried to connect with Karl and got this response:

"It was too late for him to be his father and that Bell would 'earn his money on his own,'"

Damn Karl, that's cold. Besides playing football at a reasonably high level, Demetrius was a decent ballplayer too, taking Northwestern State to the NCAA tournament in 2006 and beating Iowa. He also shares his father's proclivity for finely trimmed beards. I guess Karl didn't think he was was enough of a prospect to earn his attention or something?

Maybe he should have tried to contact him before he was 18 like Ford did so he could get some child support money...or maybe he had the mistake of being conceived while Karl Malone was actually married to his current wife? Oops, tough luck kid...don't try to take no money from the Mailman now. You earn that on your own since you're an adult, no child support for you son. Good thing you got into the NFL, boy.

Either way, Karl Malone, for your promiscuity and your blatant disregard for the holy sacrament of marriage, the use of birth control, and the responsibility for the care of all of your children (even the ones you want to forget about) you sir, deserve to be nominated for father of the year. The Deuce's hat is off to you Karl, but really, true congratulations goes out to Demetrius Bell for making it to the pros without any of that asshat's help.



dxj said...

cheryl ford was born in 1981. karl's oldest daughter with his wife was a baby when the dream team went to barcelona. so they are at least ten years apart. cheryl was born when karl was still in college. check your sources man.

Chimpanzee Rage said...

DXJ, nothing you wrote there refutes anything I said. If you want to try to correct me, try to correct something I actually wrote instead of spouting off some random ass facts that don't mean shit about what I was talkin about. Capiche?

dxj said...

i DID correct something you actually wrote. you claimed that cheryl ford "was born the same year as his daughter with his current wife," which is untrue. you obviously wanted to make the situation/malone's character sound worse by claiming that.

you also said "maybe [bell] had the mistake of being conceived while Karl Malone was actually married to his current wife?"

bell was born in 84. malone and his wife married in 1990.

to sum it up for you, cheryl and demetrius were both conceived when malone was a teenager. so much for his "blatant disregard for the holy sacrament of marriage." i'm not disputing anything you wrote about the deadbeat dad claims. but you should get ALL your facts straight before publishing your post. Capiche?

Chimpanzee Rage said...

How 'bout you suck my dick. Cheryl ford was born the same year as his daughter with his current wife. Bell was not concieved when Malone was a fucking teenager unless he has some sorta magical DNA that lives in hibernation for a few fucking years. He was a deadbeat dad to bell since he never paid any child support or even contacted him until Bell did 18 years after he existed you fucking Malone apologist. Get your fucking facts straight. Did Malone pay you to put this shit up here? Stop fucking wasting my time.