Wednesday, July 9, 2008

The Oklahoma City Thundercats Are Loose

Fans of the team formerly known as the Seattle Supersonics must be going through the different stages of grief. All other NBA fans are going to wet themselves if the rumors about the Oklahoma City team are true.

Monica Guzman of the Seattle Post-Intelligencer reports (via Yahoo Answers) that the Oklahoma City team might be named the Thundercats. Oh sweet baby Jesus, let this be true. Screw my previous loyalties. There's no way I can't back a team named after the Thundercats. Of course, the mascot will end up being a giant Snarf. If they're smart and mean business, the mascot will be PummRa. He should have run the show instead of MummRa. They would have conquered Third Earth in a week. You can't have a boss who spends most of his time in a mummy case and occasionally pops out to order people around while getting his ass handed to him Monday through Friday.

The Thundercats sent Chimp and I off on a tangent about 80s cartoons. We both spent way too much time watching cartoons during the 80s. This is also the dead period before training camp and everyone's fighting for blogging scraps so we decided to take a trip down memory lane and look back at some of the best and worst the decade had to offer in cartoon theme songs.

1. Thundercats

You can't tell me this didn't hype you up as a kid and make you wish you were Lion-O. For such a sweet opening, Lion-O was kind of a bitch. How many times did the other Thundercats have to save him? Can you really respect yourself if you have to rely on Snarf to get your ass out of a jam? I think not. Panthro (clearly the black Thundercat) would have wrecked shop. Apparently Third Earth wasn't ready to say "Yes We Can".

2. Silverhawks

I think this was made by the creators of the Thundercats. Great cartoon but wack theme song. They must have blown their load the first time around because this intro is garbage. "Silverhawks are rainbows in the night"? Really, dude? I always had a funny feeling when I watched the Silverhawks. I didn't know why until now. I became hot for guitarists who fly through rainbows. That crap belongs on a cartoon like Jem.

3. Jem

Of course we didn't watch Jem. Not that there's anything wrong...Yes there is. What's truly outrageous is the fact that I know this damn theme song because it was on when I was watching other cartoons and I couldn't turn away from her sweet ass. Is it wrong to admit that I thought Jem was hot? I'd still hit that. Bet she's a MILF now. I bet I could get with all the Misfits at the same time. They definitely have some freak nasty about them with all that tribal shit on their faces. One of them would definitely let me put it in...

4. Voltron

No. I don't want to put it in a robot. It might be tougher to get with the princess because of all the security and the other douches on the Voltron Force would probably cockblock with Voltron. This theme song isn't noteworthy on its own but it's here because Voltron was the shit. We're talking lions here. Fuck the off-brand Car Voltron.

5. GI Joe

This theme song is straight up awful. It sounds like it was written and sung by some West Point glee club. What's up with no one ever dying on the show. They had to make a movie just to kill Duke? Screw those parachuting cobra agents. Boo.

6. Mr. T

This could be one of my all-time favorites. You even had the smooth 80s sax used on 80s live action tv shows. Maybe I wouldn't feel the same if it was called Mr. Keaton but I don't have to worry about that. What the hell did Mr. T know about gymnastics? I'm guessing nothing but that's cool. I'd let him run a nuclear sub.

7. Captain Planet

Fuck Captain Planet. I hated this theme song and this cartoon. Trying to force multiculturalism and environmentalism on me when I just want to be entertained. Of course the Asian controls the water. How come they never had a seal clubbing or whale harpooning episode? You know she was all about that. I always wanted to punch Captain Planet. Chimp polluted more and lit Smokey the Bear on fire because of him. I would have punched that crying Indian if I had the chance.

8. Alvin and the Chipmunks

I'm going to go ahead and punch myself in the balls for admitting I watched the Chipmunks. I couldn't get enough of this theme song and the cartoon. I blame my parents for letting me watch it unsupervised.

9. The Snorks

"If you had friends underwater, who would you know?" What the hell does even mean? I could only hang with the Snorks for so long past the theme song. Watching All-Star hang around that hot Snork piece Casey and not snork her was way too snorkin' frustrating.

10. M.A.S.K.

Not the kid who looked better than Cher in Mask. The cartoon. Matt Trakker. The two KK's meant he was bad ass or they stood for the Kollege Klub in Madison, WI which might as well have added the last K unless you played football. This was probably in my top three cartoon theme songs during the 80s. I actually had most of these toys but of course they ended up breaking. I blamed Bruce Sato. Sato, you are not covered.

11. Pole Position

You have to give Atari credit for this cheap marketing ploy. Average cartoon. Solid theme song. Hell yeah I wanted to play me some Pole Position after this. I made a point of letting my parents know by singing this catchy song in their face. They finally broke and bought us a Sega Master System years later. Who else had that? That's right. No one.


Steve (Jacksonville, FL) said...

How in the hell can you have a list of top 80's cartoons that goes to 11 and not have Transformers on the list? For shame.

Chimpanzee Rage said...

Transformers was a good one, we thought about adding it on the list, but with the recent movie and all, we figured everyone would remember the catchiness of it before they even looked at the list. That and we needed to save some space, we couldn't have them all.

I mean, I wanted Monchichi's on there, that annoying piece of crap is still stuck in my head. Maybe we should have a part II of this with all the other ones we had to omit for saving some space.

sentences in english said...

I kind of thought the Oklahoma City Jems would have been kind of neat, but that's just me.

Dan said...

Would it be safe to say the "Oklahoma City Bombers" is out?