Ravens Win Super Bowl XLVII

FlaccoRayIn a Super Bowl that was wayyyyy closer than it should’ve been, the Baltimore Ravens defeated the San Francisco 49ers by the score of 34-31.  This game really had everything one would want in a solid Super Bowl match-up.  It had a bizzare 30 minute blackout in the middle of the 3rd quarter.  It had the 49ers making a furious 2nd half comeback only to fall short with under two minutes to go in the game.  It had special teams touchdowns, a random fakes field goal and it even a safety.  This game was one defensive touchdown away from having every type of exciting play a football game should have.

And now, sadly, the season is over and we must wait until next autumn before football season comes around again.  We’ll have the next 6 months to talk about if Joe Flacco is “elite”, if Ray Ray actually did murder someone, if Alex Smith will attempt to murder Jim Harbaugh only to fall short because he is not an elite enough murderer.  Sigh…i’m going to miss football.




I drove by this Christmas display featuring the Ravens logo a week or two ago and had to pull over to take a picture. I have it on dubious authority that it’s still up. It’s been this ridiculous in Baltimore since they beat Denver. Flags everywhere, purple Zubaz, Giant Food requiring employees to wear Ravens gear, and 300+ lb men rocking Baltimore Fucking Maryland belly shirts. It wasn’t cool on football players at the U or Oklahoma in the 80s and it certainly ain’t cool now.

I’ve been Baltimore through and through since the day I came out my purents (I just kept it Murland) so there was no question about who I’m supporting on Sunday until I came across this video called All The Ravens Ladies on the Baltimore Sun’s website.

Let me get this straight. The Sun wants me to pay for digital access so I can watch off-brand Beyonce videos filmed on Federal Hill and Ed Reed sing Christmas carols? The fuck out of here. I can spend all day on YouTube watching south of the Mason-Dixon line assclowns make no budget videos for free. Now you want to show me Brett Favre and Mark Chmura dancing? You have my attention.

It gets better. Check out the dancer names.

The dancers are Crystal “Wannabeyonce” T., Dena “Hey Diddle Diddle” M., Katie “Is it Seriously 16 Degrees?” D., Lauren “So Hot in Here” M., and Priya “Move Dem Chains” S.

Oh and here’s T-Sizzle singing Celine Dion. This is why Baltimore can’t have nice things and why I’m also wearing Ravens gear today. Go Ravens!

Even Waldo made it to the Super Bowl

Sure this is a little late, but we took a hiatus and some things just got left on the back burner for a bit.  JUST ENJOY THE FUNNY!

From Blame it on the Voices via Sports Illustrated’s Gigapan

The Ballad of the Banditos Makes Everything Better

If you’re a Redskins fan, like myself, you cannot be happy with six losses in a row. If you’re not, WELL PISS OFF!  Your team likely hasn’t lost 6 GAMES IN A ROW this season (apologies to Colts, Dolphins & Rams fans, you know the pain)! Ahem, excuse me, where was I?  Ah yes, well at least you can remember the good ole days when your team beat the team featured below in the Ballad of the Touchdown Banditos. This pure video gold is from the 87-88 Denver Broncos and features their “Three Amigos” (Vance Johnson, Mark Jackson and Ricky Nattiel) takin’ out all sorts of bad guys and varmits and doing all sorts of other cowboy like things.

I find it disturbing that this trend of making horrible music videos died at some point in the late 90s and 2000s.  I feel like a piece of me died with that trend.  Watch and enjoy ya hear?

From Everything is Terrible! via SBNation

The Fridge Got His Super Bowl Ring Back

This is the feel good story of the week right here.  After reading this article a couple months ago about the rise and fall of William “The Refrigerator” Perry, I was saddened to see what had become of such a bright athlete and person that provided such joy to all for a couple years.  (By the by, if you have not read this, please do, Tom Friend really wrote a great story here and it might be one of the best things ESPN has on it’s site all year.) Anyway, fast forward a couple months and suddenly, there is a little bit of a reason to let out a big gap-toothed smile for the ‘Fridge again.

The ‘Fridge finally got his Super Bowl ring back thanks to young Cliff Forrest who might be one of the nicest humans on the planet.  This 10 year old kid dropped like $8500 from his college money on the ‘Fridge’s ring, looked Perry up on the internet, saw that he was sick and said to himself “This man needs this ring more than I do”.

“He said Perry lost the ring through hard times, and that he only had one ring. He said, ‘I want him to have the ring back.’ That’s pretty special for a 10-year-old to want to do that.”

Special? Its downright awesome!  I mean, its also borderline insane as well.  I dont normally give away $8,500 gifts and, unlike young Cliffy here, I could even use that as a possible tax write-off.   This kid did it for nothing!  I mean he got two autographed Bears jerseys and some playing cards, but that is in no way close to recouping the $8,500 he spent from his college fund on that ring.

Oh and let me say this a third time, he spent $8,500 from his college fund on the ring!  By just giving this ring away, he essentially gave one year of state college away to the William Perry.  HE TRADED COLLEGE FOR MAKING THE FRIDGE HAPPY!

Granted, going to college these days won’t get you as far as it used to.  It can be said that you’d probably be better off learning a trade and learning it well.  You certainly could have a better shot at owning your own business if you do it right.  But still, college can be pretty damn important if you do it right and he gave away at least a year of it, for a football player that he didn’t ever watch play.

He never got a chance to watch that fat bastard run the ball in from the one yard line.  Never got to see him dance in the end zone.  He never even got the chance to play with the G.I. Joe action figure that came with a giant cinder block on chain instead of a gun (I guess the ‘Fridge didn’t need a gun). He pretty much knew nothing about the guy until he googled him and saw that he wasn’t a well or happy man and thought that this ring would make more of a difference for Perry rather than himself.

Pretty awesome. The video story of it is after the jump

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