I drove by this Christmas display featuring the Ravens logo a week or two ago and had to pull over to take a picture. I have it on dubious authority that it’s still up. It’s been this ridiculous in Baltimore since they beat Denver. Flags everywhere, purple Zubaz, Giant Food requiring employees to wear Ravens gear, and 300+ lb men rocking Baltimore Fucking Maryland belly shirts. It wasn’t cool on football players at the U or Oklahoma in the 80s and it certainly ain’t cool now.

I’ve been Baltimore through and through since the day I came out my purents (I just kept it Murland) so there was no question about who I’m supporting on Sunday until I came across this video called All The Ravens Ladies on the Baltimore Sun’s website.

Let me get this straight. The Sun wants me to pay for digital access so I can watch off-brand Beyonce videos filmed on Federal Hill and Ed Reed sing Christmas carols? The fuck out of here. I can spend all day on YouTube watching south of the Mason-Dixon line assclowns make no budget videos for free. Now you want to show me Brett Favre and Mark Chmura dancing? You have my attention.

It gets better. Check out the dancer names.

The dancers are Crystal “Wannabeyonce” T., Dena “Hey Diddle Diddle” M., Katie “Is it Seriously 16 Degrees?” D., Lauren “So Hot in Here” M., and Priya “Move Dem Chains” S.

Oh and here’s T-Sizzle singing Celine Dion. This is why Baltimore can’t have nice things and why I’m also wearing Ravens gear today. Go Ravens!

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