It was only last month when many of you were crying about the Mayan apocalypse. You should have seen people chilling in Australia. They’ve been in training for the inevitable all their lives. Don’t believe me? Watch the Mad Max documentary series. It’s as if David Attenborough decided to focus on humans for a change.

There are basic survival rules every Australian learns from childhood. Rule #3: Always keep your head on a swivel. You never know when danger will come or where it’ll come from. ACT Brumbies scrumhalf Nic White learned his lesson when he was “king-hit” at a music festival.

ACT Brumbies scrumhalf Nic White needed surgery on a fractured jaw after he was king-hit at the Foreshore music festival on November 24.

The Brumbies have cleared the 22-year-old of any wrongdoing and claimed he was struck once from behind.

Brumbies chief executive Andrew Fagan said the Super Rugby club investigated the incident soon after it happened and that White didn’t press charges with police because he didn’t see who his attacker was.

”Nic was the victim of an unprovoked assault in which he was king-hit when struck once at Foreshore through no fault of his own,” Fagan said.

King-hit is Australian for getting knocked the fuck out. An example.


White wasn’t the only one getting into it at the music festival. The Canberra Raiders’ Blake Ferguson was spotted spitting on concert goers and had to be “escorted” out of the VIP area by security.

Say what you will but news of these incidents is encouraging. Australian rugby has come along way in the past couple years. I’ll take spitting on people and getting knocked out at music festivals over rugby players getting blowjobs from dogs any day.

This clip is a couple years old but it’s new to us. This player didn’t take too kindly to being fouled. If you’re going to do it, you better make sure he stays down. If you don’t, you’re gonna end up in a body bag.

This guy may not have struck first but he struck hard. There’s all kinds of pain in this dojo. Now we know where Evo Morales gets it from.

Dokken Gives Goldy Gopher A Karmic Beatdown

Who says hair metal is dead? Ronnie James Dio may have holy dived his way into the grave but Dokken is going strong. First they became the face of a Norton Anti-Virus ad campaign and now they’re avenging mascots who have been wronged. The University of Minnesota’s Goldy Gopher probably thought he was getting away with kicking another mascot in the ass. He was wrong.

Dokken…Wait. It’s not the band Dokken? Whatever. 60 year-old Douglas Dokken has been banned from several Minnesota sports facilities after punching Goldy in the face during a gymnastics meet.

During the meet, the University of Minnesota mascot sat behind Douglas Dokken, 60, and started “messing with him,” witness Barry Colthorpe said. Goldy tapped Dokken on the shoulder and ruffled his hair.

Colthorpe said Dokken was ignoring Goldy’s antics, but within a couple of minutes, he snapped, turned around and punched Goldy in the face.

Goldy froze, but within moments of the first punch, Dokken wailed another, forcing Goldy to leave the area.

First the Cincinnati Bearcat gets arrested and now this. Is there a c-o-n-spiracy against college mascots?

Dokken was cited with disorderly conduct and barred from the Sports Pavilion and Williams Arena for a year. Goldy can breathe easy for 365 days. All bets are off after that. Better call Jerome or Kevin Love for protection.

The dirt has barely settled on the grave of the infamous #0 jersey yet Boo-ray has raised its ugly head in an attempt to bring down another team. Well we are talking ’bout the Grizzle. They can’t get much lower. They get free passage from Charon when crossing the Mississippi and Cerberus guards the locker room door at the FedEx Forum.

A fight broke out between the Grizzlies’ OJ Mayo and Tony Allen during a team charter flight on Monday night. The dispute was over money owed from a game of Boo-ray. Yes, that would be the same game that caused the “drama” between Gilbert Arenas and Javaris Crittenton. That minor altercation destroyed the Wizards and earned Hibachi a season-long cooldown.

Mayo owed Allen money from a card game, “Boo-Ray” and sources said Mayo became increasingly belligerent and antagonistic toward Allen when asked to settle the debt. Sources said Allen walked away from Mayo to go the restroom and returned to find Mayo continuing to berate him. Eventually, Mayo inched close to Allen, and sources said Allen hit Mayo.

“Tony warned [Mayo] to watch his mouth, and [Mayo] wouldn’t do it and just kept going off on him,” a source with knowledge of the incident told Yahoo! Sports.

Teammates separated the two and the team considers the matter closed. Gilbert won’t be impressed unless Allen brings guns into the locker room so they can settle it like fools.

Note: I meant buck buck like a gun, not the Bill Cosby/Fat Albert game. Apologies if you were expecting the latter. If you were, I hope this makes up for it.

You Can’t Take The Queens Out Of The US Open

Watch this clown get jumped by an old man after an apparent argument over the use of profanity.

That showing only deserves half a fist pump. Stay classy, New York.