H/T to Paddy Power


If you’re pissed at the NFL and NBA for using acts such as the Black Eyed Peas or Faith Hill for their theme music, blame the NRL. Australian rugby league has been using mediocre music since the late 80s to promote their brand. Several months ago, we brought you the homoerotic Tina Turner joint that introduced the 1989 NRL season. Bear down even.

Since that debacle, the NRL hasn’t been able to pump anyone up for what is legitimately one of the toughest sports in the world. The league has used artists such as Tom Jones, Frankie Goes To Hollywood, Hoodoo Gurus, Chumbawumba and “racing car noises” in the past. 2011 is no different. Enter Bon Jovi with “This Is Our House”.

That’s one step above Tracie Spencer’s “This House“. That song doesn’t make you think bonecrushing tackles and concussions being handed out like food at a soup kitchen. It makes you think of, well American sports. Let’s find the most non-threatening, milquetoast music that will make people who aren’t watching or interested tune in. “I always hated football but now that Faith Hill is singing the theme song to Sunday Night Football, I’ll tune in. That Joan Jett original was too controversial and she’s a lesbian anyway.” The PR and marketing people for Aussie Rules must be chuckling as they seek out Megadeath and DMX.

I was going to stick to Bon Jovi but I decided to actually look up NRL theme songs from the artists I mentioned. Check them out after the jump but I warn you they aren’t much better.

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In Belinda Heggen’s defense, sports anchor Mark Aiston set it up. She just brought it home.

This kangaroo doesn’t think much of Aiston either. That’s just rubbing it in… or out if you will.

Rugby in Australia has everything from bestiality to quokka chucking. Let’s not forget punching people at Korn concerts and pissing people like R Kelly on a 15 year old girl. Add rampaging through Hong Kong like Godzilla drunk on Four Loko to the list of favorite Rugby League pastimes.

Several players from the Western Bulldogs are having their arses handed to them in a sack after being filmed on a drunken rampage in Hong Kong last November. As the late, great George Michael would say, let’s go to the tape.

Let’s see Turbo and Ozone bust the worm over a taxi. The flashing pink bunny ears are a sweet touch.

Past Bulldogs players called the incident a case of boys being boys but the team isn’t having it. It’s “[working] with the individuals who are probably most prominent in it”. Whatever that means.

Notice the lack of dogs in the area. They learned their lesson from Joel Monaghan. He’s just one guy. Imagine a whole crowd of drunken Australian rugby players….

The video above doesn’t do the scene any justice. Here’s the full length video. Break out a case of XXXX and enjoy!

I just realized the Black Eyed Peas are playing in the background. So that’s what caused the players to lash out. No one can stand being forced to listen to the Black Eyed Peas. Anyone who says they can needs to be renditioned to Egypt so our new boy Suleiman can sort them out. I would have given anything to be Helen Keller during the Super Bowl halftime show. She didn’t know how good she had it. The only mistake these guys made was not getting into the cabs and leaving the scene before they were driven to madness. “Riot in the middle of the street“.