Say what you will about The Special One but he’s always into something. Language NSFW. When he’s not poking opposing coaches in the eye or calling out managers, he’s letting you know he won’t stand anyone calling out Ronaldo for diving. Good thing there are some things he kicks better than soccer balls.

Mourinho could be in trouble with the law after he and his bodyguard got into a confrontation with a fan. It is alleged that the bodyguard smashed the man’s cell phone and Jose literally kicked the guy in his ass. One can only hope he did it while the guy was bending down to pick up the phone and Yakety Sax was playing. Let this be a lesson to all. This is why you bend at the knees instead of the waist.

It just warms my heart when a rapper christens some part-time sucka’s head with a champagne bottle as if it was a new ocean liner. Puff Dad…Puffy…P. Didd..whatever he calls himself these days would be thrilled with Iowa’s Graham Valdes.

Valdes, a member of the track team, was arrested and charged with assault causing bodily injury after cracking a man in the head with a champagne bottle as if his name was Steve Stoute.

According to a criminal complaint, Iowa City police were called to Sauce, a liquor store at 108 E. College St., at 1:53 a.m. Saturday for a report of a man hit with a bottle. Upon arrival, officers found a man “bleeding profusely” from the top of his head and a shattered champagne bottle at his feet. The victim had a large cut on the top of his head and nose which required stitches and further medical attention, the complaint said.

The victim told police a tall, red-headed man hit him with a bottle as he was trying to leave the store after his friend had urinated in the store. The alleged attacker was still on scene and matched the description from the victim, police said.

Valdes alleged the man was “pushing past people to exit the store and he felt threatened”. He was scared because the guy wanted to leave the store? Why not get out of his way and let him go? Oh I’m sorry. No real G would move out of someone’s way. You think Da Brat or Juvenile would have avoided confrontation? Move, bitch! Get out the way! Come get some Moet upside that beady ass head, nucka!

A liquor store called Sauce? Pure genius. At this rate, Iowa may move to the SEC. They can definitely compete with Florida and Tennessee when it comes to crime.

Remember the time when you could kill two people and get away with it? O.J. Simpson probably wonders what happened to the good old days. People celebrated like they won something. Hell, we threw a “The Juice is Loose” party. (Mostly because we wanted a reason to throw a party and drink an absurd number of screwdrivers.) Now he can’t even talk about getting laid without having his ass handed to him.

The National Enquirer is reporting that a white supremacist jumped OJ in the prison yard and beat him to “a bloody pulp”. Apparently he was bragging that he banged more white women than Bryant Gumbel and Quincy Jones combined. Bad move, Nordberg.

Unknown to the former NFL star, The Juice has been a marked man behind bars ever since white supremacists overheard him brag about his sexual conquests of beautiful white women.

“Unfortunately for O.J., a group of young skinhead punks were within earshot - and they were enraged,” Simpson’s former business partner Bruce Fromong told The ENQUIRER in an exclusive blockbuster interview.

Inmates cheered as a muscular young skinhead knocked him to the ground, punching and kicking him to a bloody pulp and inflicting injuries so severe he secretly spent nearly three weeks in the infirmary before he recovered.

The humiliating beating left 63-year-old Simpson in agony - and threw him into a spiral of depression so deep that he’s now afraid to venture out of his cell, divulge sources.

You know you’re the most popular guy on the yard when everyone gets behind a skinhead beating up a black guy. Too bad Al Cowlings wasn’t there to take the beating for him. “Nooo! Hit me instead!”

OJ should have taken a cue from Julio Iglesias and Willie Nelson.

Now that’s as smooth as a warm jug of Carlo Rossi. Even skinheads can get with that. Well maybe not Julio but definitely Willie. Can’t we all just get along, guy with the swastika carved in your forehead?

Legedu Naanee asks the Patriots why they're being such (expletive) and not letting Vincent Jackson catch the ball.

“Do you know who I am?” Anyone who’s a regular listener of Tony Kornheiser’s radio show** knows his signature line when they hear it. He gets away with the running joke. Chargers wide receiver Legedu Naanee does not.

Naanee was arrested and charged with public intoxication and resisting arrest after refusing to leave an active crime scene.

According to police, Naanee came across an active crime scene at about 3:20 a.m. and was told he would have to turn around or go in another direction. Naanee, who according to police had a “strong odor of an alcoholic beverage on or about his breath or person,” asked the officer why he was being “such an (expletive).”

The police officer said after several attempts to get Naanee to leave the scene failed, he told Naanee he was under arrest. Naanee “actively began to pull away” and the officer used pepper spray but Naanee continued to resist.

Eventually he was handcuffed and as he was being walked to the police car, Naanee said, according to police, “Do you know who I am? I am an NFL player and I’m going to sue your ass.”

Quoting Kornheiser didn’t work for Naanee. Maybe he should have channeled Joe Namath and said, “I want to kiss you”.

Naanee’s agent, Buddy Baker, waited until Naanee resisted and was handcuffed before he intervened. He told the cop that he “was going to ruin [Naanee's] career”. That’s a bit of an overreaction. Marvin Lewis is still a head coach. There’s always a place for an oft-injured, average to mediocre player on the Bengals.

Why wouldn’t a police officer in Indianapolis should know about the legend they call Naanee, the twin brother of Nanu and son of Mork from Ork? Shazbot! What’s going on there anyway? Football players have been getting wrecked in that city ever since Mike Vanderjagt became the “idiot kicker who got liquored up and ran his mouth”. Now it’s contagious. Imagine what’s going to happen when the Super Bowl comes to town next season. Somebody take the keys away from Leonard Little and Donte Stallworth!

It was only late last year when Naanee was accused of putting someone in the hospital with “internal head injuries and a broken nose”. He was later cleared of any involvement.

…Naanee, 27, was asked if it was a relief that police concluded he was not involved in the fight. Naanee said, “Not for me. I mean, I never really was a suspect in the first place, but I’m grateful that the police came out and said that.”

When he was asked about the lessons learned from the incident, he said, “You’ve just got to remind yourself that you can go out as much as you want but you’ve got to remind yourself about the things that can happen, and that’s really all I can say about it.”

Chargers head coach Norv Turner said he spoke to Naanee about late-night partying, which he said isn’t a good idea when there is an important practice the next day.

Well there we are. Everyone knows no one listens to Norv Turner. He should have told Naanee to party his ass off. He would have stayed dry or continually dropped his drinks before accomplishing his mission. It would have been just like the Chargers in the playoffs. One big fail after another. The Super Bowl was only a week ago. It’s way too soon for anything Chargers related to succeed.

I can’t believe I dropped references from Mork and Mindy in this post. I’m not far away from dropping some Small Wonder and Vic Tayback on your ass.

** The show isn’t as good as it was when it consisted of Kornheiser, Andy Polin and Nigel but what are you going to do? Listen to Mike Wise? Try to tolerate Colin Cowherd? Focus on work?

Let us be the first to say that Brandi Favre should be congratulated. The name Brandi condemns the name’s owner to a life on the pole. Actually Brandy does too. Too bad someone didn’t tell her that not shaking her ass for yahoos who make it rain with quarters doesn’t mean she has to work in a meth lab.

Favre, Brett’s sister, was arrested along with four others after being found in a condo with a working meth lab.

Brandi Favre, 34, Urban Favre Road, Pass Christian, was charged with manufacturing of methamphetamine and generation of hazardous waste, both felonies, said Sgt. Abe Long.

It was surprising when two Georgetown University students were caught running a meth lab in their dorm room. This arrest? Not so much. Hopefully Brett didn’t text her pictures of his dick instead of a message of support. “Aw damn, Brandi. My bad. Just thought, you know, you might be alright with that.”