The Jets Are Interested In The Honey Badger


“I haven’t scripted any answers to any questions. This is the real Tyrann right now.” The New York Post neglected to add, “…as he hit the jumbo slow so it sizzled. Smoke filled the air around the reporters as he coughed and offered it up. ‘Yo somebody hit this. I gotta go cover some outs and slants.’”

Of course the Jets are interested in Lue. Why not? It makes sense. Antonio Cromartie lining up across the field from the Honey Badger. Tim Tebow sulking in his Soul headphones. Hopefully they can’t move Gator Jesus and Rex gets a tattoo of a honey badger defiling his wife on his other arm.

“[NFL scouts] are definitely going to be concerned about my off-the-field habits,” Mathieu said. “But it’s definitely something I’ve cleaned up. I’m molding into a smart young man now.”

For example, I know to tell my friends to wait until I let them in instead of trying to bust through the security gate.

Hard Knocks should just keep camera crews at Hofstra and Florham Park all year.

Rex Ryan isn’t the only one who likes to get freak nasty with the ladies and show it off. Some people get ink and others name their fantasy team after their true loves.

Stoke City players, including Jermaine Pennant who is currently on loan with Wolves, participate in an internal fantasy soccer league as a way to build team camaraderie. The oft-troubled winger’s career has been checkered on and off the pitch but he shines when it comes to fantasy team names.

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If that’s not good enough for you, how about picking yourself for your team only to drop yourself after being benched? Welcome to the world of Peter Crouch.

H/T to 101 Great Goals.

Tom Coughlin burns the Jets

Winning a Super Bowl can allow a NFL head coach a little bit of candor in his public statements.  Winning two super bowls allows a coach a ton.

New York Giants head coach Tom Coughlin took full advantage of that yesterday when he couldn’t resist taking a jab at the “cross-town” rival New York Jets and their recent player acquisitions (ie: Tebowmania in NYC). Here’s what Coughlin had to say about the Jets recent acquisitions:

“You know who won the Super Bowl, you know who the world champions are,” he said. “Whether we’re on the front page every day or not, it’s not that important. New Yorkers know.”

Ouch, little bit of a burn there or what? The best part about that statement is that it pretty much rings true. The Giants go about their business, generally not making too many crazy headlines (minus Brandon Jacobs i guess) and they just go and win two Super Bowls in five years. The loudest Giants in the media are ex-Giants Tiki Barber and Michael Strahan.

Meanwhile, over in Jets country, you’ve got Rex Ryan flapping his gums every other week, talking about winning Super Bowls like he is a fat and sober Joe Namith, showcasing the entire team on HBO’s Hard Knocks, making free agent signing splashes that, all combined together…gets them essentially nowhere. Nowhere, that is, if you consider your season to be a bust if a Super Bowl ring was not won.

Anyway, it is nice to see Coughlin finally give up a little of the “hard ass” persona in his interviews with the media. Generally this is a guy who can make Bill Belichick look like charming. Maybe he’s finally getting soft in his golden years?

If so, I am loving it.

Spare us the endless line of ass-kissing that constitutes ESPN and the NFL Network’s praise for Peyton Manning “selfless” decision to push for a new contract to tie him with the younger, healthier Tom Brady as the highest paid player in the nation.  There’s nothing selfless about it; Manning is a aging QB on the downturn of an incredible run.  He’s made 208 consecutive starts, but he’s also had 2 neck surgeries within 15 months; the Colts won’t even say when they think Manning will participate in preseason.  He got a “lifetime achievement” deal because whether he performs well or not, Manning will pack the stands at Lucas Oil stadium and sell jerseys until the day he hangs it up for good.

Florio is an idiot but he is right about this; $90 million over 5 years is not an act of charity; but it does fit into an acceptable NFL storyline for sports reporters to discuss in little 45-second segments for college kids on weekday afternoons. ISN’T PEYTON TERRIFIC!? WHY HIS BOWEL MOVEMENTS SMELL LIKE SCENTED CANDLES AND SPRING FLOWERS!

Manning is a businessman, part of the reason we have to suffer through a huge DirecTV logo every single time Manning appears on ESPN or NFLN. From the moment Brady got his new deal, Colts owner Jim Irsay crowed about how he intended to make Peyton Manning the highest-paid player in the nation, basically talking himself into giving Manning a record deal; very similar to how Jets Coach Rex Ryan basically talked Darrelle Revis into holding out before the 2010 season.  So, of course, Manning pushed hard for the new deal; he didn’t like being franchised at $23 million; not when he was getting ready to go under the knife.  Again.

Manning is arguably the hardest working player in the NFL; and he’s also basically his own offensive coordinator. The numbers suggest that Manning is going to continue to perform; albeit at a diminishing level, and the Colts have done a pretty good job of putting weapons around Manning to keep the Colts competitive. Still, the Colts need to get younger at RB and (probably) TE. Now we are hearing that Manning’s O-line is short a Charles Johnson; thank goodness the Colts have all that extra fantasy money to use on getting somebody.

The last few weeks I’ve found myself listening to more sports talk radio than usual.  In between listening to Sportszilla and the Jabber Jocks blather on about the NFL Lockout (“WE ARE GETTING CLOSER. I THINK THIS IS GONNA HAPPEN ANY DAY NOW), I’ve heard a gravelly-voiced guy referred to as “Coach” giving a bunch of dudes in what sounded like a locker room, a pep talk about drinking. A similar commercial features a Rex Ryan-wannabe that talks to a similar group of cheering men about being “that guy.” The background features a cheap “Explosions in the Sky”-esque guitar riff to build the anticipation. Are they hackneyed? Oh Lord, yes. Do they make me want to go out on a random Tuesday night and tie one on? Sort of. A few of the choice lines:

“Gentlemen, you were conceived on nights like tonight.”

Bullshit. This is also kind of insulting — is Budweiser insinuating my parents were hopped up on Bud Heavys when they decided to make a little Duke? A) My parents weren’t that cool; and B) thanks for making me think about how that whole process went down.

“Tonight, you’re up against it. It’s gonna be YOU against YOU.  Who you gonna be? You gonna be that guy who missed it?”

Oh, crap.  Someone let Jon Gruden in the building. But pangs of guilt are seeping in. Quoth the Cube: “Peer pressure is a motherf*cker.”

“You don’t want to be that guy that has to turn in early because he has work the next morning.”

Man, I do not want to be that guy.  I have too many friends who are that guy and they are lame. But… I also don’t want to be the guy who rolls into work reeking of booze with glassy eyes.  That guy usually ends up unemployed or in AA.

“That guy will never buy a round of Budweisers for the entire bar. We LOVE that guy.”

“See kids, there are 3 types of advertising messages: Subliminal, Liminal, and SuperLiminal.” — LT Smash

“Tonight is underrated…Tonight you can’t be disappointed… It’s just another night.”

Huh? It’s a Tuesday and I have a 9 o’clock meeting tomorrow. Do chicks even go out on Tuesday nights? I have the feeling I’m going to be sitting at a bar by myself until 11:30, when the bar closes BECAUSE IT’S A FREAKING TUESDAY NIGHT.

“It’s when you stayed up until the sun comes up.”

Does that mean I won’t be conceiving children tonight?  Or does that come after?  Because I’m gonna be tired.

“Put on your Saturday night outfit and make tonight the greatest night of your life.”

Help me out here — what is my “Saturday night outfit?” Can I wear jeans? Are flip flops to casual? Also, anyone else creeped out that “Coach” is telling me what “outfits” to wear?


Ok, ok, I get it. See you at the bar.