Tiger as a SEAL? Ambien is a Hell of a Drug

We don’t often write about golf here at the Deuce, but when something like this comes along, I almost feel compelled. Seems that Tiger Woods: sex addict, drug abuser, and recipient of multiple knee surgeries, at one point considered walking away from professional golf and becoming an Navy SEAL. To wit: Read the rest of this entry

Deuce Phenom Watch: “Brady Woods”

Now that the twilight of Tiger Woods’ career is officially upon us, there will be relentless debate over who will assume his throne as the best in golf. Rory McIlroy? Choke artist. Lee Westwood? He’s older than Tiger. Luke Donald? Thirty-three years old and no majors? Pfft. Martin Kaymer? Hey und dummkopf, try making a cut at the Masters, eh?

Ladies and gentlemen, prepare yourself for the Brady Woods era:

If that’s not enough, the kid’s also pretty damn good at hockey trivia, too.

As a member of the boy’s representation team (dig that, Mark Steinberg!), I can safely say Brady stands at the ready if Tiger can’t make it to Congressional on June 13. While he requires no appearance fee, he would appreciate a grilled cheese at the turn.


Laziness: the New Corporate Marketing Tool

Ned Flanders doesn’t believe in homeowner’s insurance because he sees it as a form of gambling: an activity strictly verboten in the Bible.  For the rest of us, insurance is another way to mercilessly gouge you protect your investments on such things as a home, car, and Troy Polamalu’s hair.  Basically, all of the bad decisions you make in your life (sorry, new home buyers circa 2006!).  Well, now the stupid companies that tie their investments to the athletes that will surely fail them have a way out, too!  Read the rest of this entry

You know times are ill when you can’t score in Bangkok. Tiger Woods lost his number one ranking to Lee Westwood. He then flamed out of the appropriately named World Golf Salutes King Bhumibol Skins Tournament in Thailand the following week finishing last out of four. He should have rolled with Gary Glitter. He can bag a win anywhere in southeast Asia.

Tiger is now off to Australia where he’ll compete in the Australian Masters, the last tournament he won before he went to town on Perkins and caught a golf club upside the head. Tournament officials are warning spectators that they shouldn’t heckle him about his “troubles”. We assume they’re talking about his standards. He should be thoroughly mocked for them. Fans will receive one warning before being ejected if they start trouble. In other words, make the first taunt count.

100,000 fans are expected over the course of the tournament. Now we expect that someone can come up with something good to rattle Tiger. We challenge anyone in attendance to one up this kangaroo.

Imagine if he did this in front of Tiger instead of Rory Sabbatini? Genius. In the words of Homer Simpson, “It works on so many levels”

Although Tiger will be protected, spectators will be permitted to berate Sergio Garcia at will until he cries.