Brazil may go Great White when it comes to fires up in the club but they’re prepared when it comes to stadium seating.

The 2014 World Cup is around the corner and Brazil is rushing to get ready for the hordes of fans that will descend on the Rainbow Nation next summer. They’re tearing down favelas, banishing homeless people from city centers, converting sex motels into tourist traps and installing oversized stadium seating for the expected English invasion.

Double-sized seats are being installed at several stadiums for overweight World Cup fans. They’ll be able to accomodate people weighing up to 560 pounds. They’ll have to pay double the normal seat price but at least they’ll be able to avoid confrontations with ushers. This means Kevin Smith won’t have to rant after getting tossed from the stadium for not sitting down. Eat all the pão de queijo you want and hit up the comida por quilo 20 times, my friend. Brazil’s got your back and ass.


Restaurant recommendation: If you live in New York and want to start stuffing yourself now before heading down to Brazil, check out Miss Favela on S. 5th St. in Williamsburg for some great food and music. If you’re not careful, you may end up with a bottle of cachaça on the house.

The last time the Deuce took a sabbatical, Dolph Lundgren welcomed you back. It’s been over half a year since we last posted and we know you’ve been jonesing for some of the good shit. Well we’re back, lady and gentlemen. So without any further ado, we’ll let Zlatan Ibrahimovic and Pep Guardiola do the honors this time.

Sorry for the long absence but we needed to take some time off for life but luckily some of us realize that writing a half-ass blog is more fulfilling and time-wasting than “responsible” pursuits. Hopefully we’ll get back to posting on a semi-regular basis this week.

And as always your musical reference: I Know You Got Soul by Eric B and Rakim. Bonus Eric B for President!

It was Sunday afternoon. Wasn’t a damn thing funny. Bitch, Manchester City has that money. Apparently it pays for penalties against MLS teams and mediocre strikers.

While most English Premier League teams are bedazzling foreign countries with the ugliest of new jerseys, out of shape players and bullshit pre-season training, City’s Mario Balotelli is showing the world what his midseason form is all about.

The guy [Dzeko] who only scored one goal for City last season calling Balotelli out? Priceless. “I may go straight Torres on a goal but I can’t go for that“.

Balotelli throwing a “vaffanculo” at City manager Roberto Mancini? That’s a benching. He ended last season starting a fight with Manchester United players after City’s FA Cup win, cursing on TV in his post-match interview and getting smacked down in a club after hitting on some guy’s girlfriend. If this is his pre-season, we can’t wait until the Premier League kicks off. Consider this post the first entry in the Balotelli Blotter. Wherever he fucks up, we’ll be there. Stick with us. It’ll be worth your time.

And yes that was a Cheap Trick to get that Chromeo/Daryl Hall video in there. See how that happened?

That must be the reason why Manchester City’s Mario Balotelli is such an immature asshole. It wouldn’t be surprising if the guy giving him the V-sign is a City supporter let alone a Manchester United fan. Even his own teammates and manager have had it with his antics. He can’t even have a minor parking incident without the hoi polloi letting him have it. Not surprising he can’t park a car. He can’t even put a bib on without incident.

We’re pretty sure the England manager and his assistant Franco Baldini would like to be up in Miss Wales’ ass like Dr. Dre. If either of them get that, it might look a little something like this.