Ah Vision Quest. No one had a clue that Matthew Modine would go on from there to even higher cinematical heights like Married to the Mob and Gross Anatomy. There would have been no Over The Top without Vision Quest. No Over The Top, No “Meet Me Halfway” by Kenny Loggins. The implications are frightening. Wrestling is what made Matthew Modine the massive star he is today. What? Massive. Obscure. Whatever. That’s neither here nor there. What’s important is that I didn’t see any butt draggin’ in Vision Quest and neither did the Fresno County district attorney.

Preston Hill is in trouble with the law after being charged with “using a wrestling move to sexually assault a teammate’. The movie is called the butt drag and it’s customarily used as retaliation if an opponent has wronged a teammate or isn’t moving during a match.

According to a police report, during a July practice Preston used a maneuver informally known as a “butt drag” — which involves grabbing the haunch of an opponent to gain leverage — to roughly and intimately assault a smaller, younger wrestler on his team in retaliation for a supposed affront.

Preston has denied attacking the younger boy, who is 14, telling the investigating officer that he was merely executing a common maneuver that “everyone does,” in order to “to motivate people who don’t move on the mats.”

Some people like getting a finger in the ass during sex but it’s probably not as enjoyable when it comes out of nowhere. It’s like sitting on a bike with a bike seat. Um … or so I’ve heard.

The police in Clovis, a middle-class enclave where wrestling is a proud tradition, say the case began over the summer. The 14-year-old accuser, who has not been identified, told the police that he had been “bullied by several students,” including Preston Hill, who, the younger boy said, had made a habit of taking his drinking water during practice.

On July 15, however, according to the younger boy’s account, he refused to hand his water over, prompting threats from Preston, including menacing gestures. The police report states that at a practice that evening, Preston purposefully stood near the younger boy during a wrestling exercise and, when the coach whistled for wrestling to begin, threw the younger boy down, pinned him to the mat and performed an invasive “butt drag” maneuver.

Listen up, kids. The next time someone tells you to pass the water, do it.

Lawrence Phillips would be proud. The Nebraska Cornhuskers are collecting DUIs like the Baltimore Ravens under Brian Billick.

Safety Rickey Thenarse was slapped with a DUI this past weekend and won’t be eligible to play for the Huskers in the Holiday Bowl.

“It saddens me to announce that Rickey Thenarse will be suspended for the Holiday Bowl due to a violation of team rules,” Husker coach Bo Pelini said in a statement Sunday night.

Thenarse was found in his car which was stopped in the middle of a street at early Sunday morning. He blew a .11, had a suspended license as well as expired tags.

The safety isn’t the first Husker getting down DUI style this season. DT Baker Steinkuhler also was a proud recipient of one earlier this month. He’s also suspended from playing in the Holiday Bowl.

Husker Extra says his DUI was given near the same intersection where Thenarse received was intercepted by the police. Maybe it’s the Bermuda Triangle of booze and Husker football players can’t control themselves whenever they drive near it.

Thenarse is a senior which means he won’t be able to play in his last game. He should consider himself lucky. He could be Derrell Johnson-Koulianos.

All Michael Vick Wants For Christmas Is A New Puppy

“Aw who’s the puppy for? Who? Hmmm … No dog for you!”

So much for having people pay more attention to his play on the field. Michael Vick confessed to wanting a new dog.

Vick sat down with NBC News and TheGrio.com and admitted he wanted a new dog to help with his “rehabilitation process”.

Vick said, “I would love to get another dog in the future. I think it would be a big step for me in the rehabilitation process.

“I think just to have a pet in my household and to show people that I genuinely care, and my love and my passion for animals; I think it would be outstanding. If I ever have the opportunity again I will never take it for granted. I miss having a dog right now. I wish I could. My daughters miss having one, and that’s the hardest thing: telling them that we can’t have one because of my actions.”

It’s like the Obama press conference where he was talking about health care and then decided to give his thoughts on Henry Louis Gates Jr.’s confrontation with the police. “No! Don’t go there! Not now! Aw damn, he went there…” Everyone forgot everything else he was talking about the rest of the time.

It probably isn’t the best time for Vick to bring up wanting a new dog. People have finally started to talk about him only in relation to his play on the field. He should stick to talking football and his work with animal rights organizations if the conversation goes there.

It’s almost impossible to have a rational conversation about Vick with “dog lovers”. As far as they’re concerned, Vick shouldn’t be allowed to have a career let alone walk the streets. It doesn’t matter to them that he served his time and has kept himself out of trouble since his release from jail. Any attempt to say otherwise means that you hate dogs or approve of what Vick did. That’s ridiculous. No sane person condones what Vick did. It was disgusting and horrible. He deserved to pay for what he did. He also deserves a second chance and it’s not up to any of us to determine what he should and shouldn’t be able to do as long as he keeps his nose clean. Fine. Dog catcher is out.

The debate over Vick goes to the larger question of what rights felons should have after their release from prison. If they serve their time, they should be given the chance to become productive members of society with the rights everyone else enjoys. The idea is that they’ve learned from their incarceration and are in the process of rehabilitation. The justice system fails inmates in numerous ways but people should be given the chance to show whether they’ve changed or not. Obviously there are exceptions and caveats but that conversation is for another day.

People can argue about whether Vick’s punishment was harsh enough and whether he’s sincere about changing who he is as a person as well as his attitude towards animals. One can only hope that he means what he says. Do I feel comfortable with the idea of him owning a dog so soon after his crimes after everything I’ve said? At the risk of sounding like a hypocrite, no. It’s too soon however I also realize that it’s not up to me to determine when the time is right if it ever is. I equate it to not allowing child molesters around children even after they’ve served their time. It’s not something that is turned on and off like a switch. It goes deeper than that. Does the urge to be that way ever go away? I don’t think so but who knows. Better safe than sorry in some cases. At least he realizes that he can’t and probably shouldn’t have a dog for the foreseeable future.

The one thing we can say for sure is that going to prison made Vick a much better quarterback. That boy good and not terrible.

The full interview will be posted on TheGrio.com later today.

How many of you laughed when you heard that Dana Stubblefield took steroids during his NFL career? It was probably funnier to Redskins fans who were forced to watch him take suck to epic levels like every other big-money Synder signing. Could you blame him for lying about taking steroids? Who would have believed it? Next thing, Gilbert Brown would have claimed he was bulimic.

Stubblefield can’t quit failing and getting in trouble for it. He was sentenced to 90 days in jail for stealing his ex-girlfriend’s mail. Did we mention he’s already on probation after being nailed for lying to federal investigators during the BALCO scandal?

Stubblefield didn’t just roll up to her mailbox and take her mail as one would think. He filled out a change of address form so her mail would get delivered to him. Smooth. Her mail included unemployment checks but he was probably after those Valu-Pak direct mailers. He was hoping to get those “Buy One, Get Three Free” coupons from Domino’s. Expect Bruce Allen to sign him after his release. Someone needs to take Albert Haynesworth’s place.

UPDATE: Did you know that Stubblefield played a prisoner in the Ben Affleck tour de shart Reindeer Games? H/T to Joe Eskenazi of SF Weekly for digging this up.

Stubblefield, fittingly, played a prisoner in the 2000 stinker Reindeer Games alongside Ben Affleck. During the making of that film, the former NFL great inadvertently knocked Affleck unconscious, hospitalizing him.

That’s why he got probation and 90 days as opposed to 20 years.

This was not the week to bet on black. Wesley Snipes finally reported to prison to start serving a three-year sentence for tax evasion. Vampires everywhere must be thrilled. Iowa receiver Derrell Johnson-Koulianos thought he could take Nino’s place and turn his home into a drug house. It’s unclear if a crackhead infiltrated the operation but it suffered the same fate as the Carter Apartments.

Johnson-Koulianos, Iowa’s all time leading receiver in yards and receptions, was arrested along with his roommate Bradley Johnson after police raided their house on Tuesday.

Johnson-Koulianos, a Campbell, Ohio, native, faces seven charges: four counts of possession of controlled substances, two counts of unlawful possession of prescription drugs and one count of keeping a drug house. These are all misdemeanors.

Investigators found more than $3,000 in cash, marijuana, cocaine and prescription drugs in the house during the search, police said. The circumstances which prompted the search were not known Tuesday night.

Officers located a small amount of marijuana in Johnson-Koulianos’ bedroom. Upon arrest, Johnson-Koulianos told police he smokes marijuana and that he’d smoked it within the past 24 hours.

Ice-T was unavailable for comment. Hopefully someone on the Iowa City police force uttered a line as hilariously stupid as “I want to shoot you so bad, my dick’s hard“.

Needless to say, Iowa coach Kirk Ferentz suspended the senior and first team all-Big Ten receiver from all activities.

As of Wednesday, Johnson-Koulianos was ranked 32nd among wide receivers entering next year’s NFL draft by cbssports.com. I have no idea where Mel Kiper and Todd McShay had him before his arrest but I’ll be damned if I sign up for ESPN Insider again. I made that mistake once and it was like I was being stalked by ESPN The Magazine. Let’s be honest. It isn’t even good bathroom reading and I was tired of answering questions about why I subscribed to it every time a guest used my bathroom. “I swear I didn’t know it was part of the deal!” I digress.

To say Johnson-Koulianos’ stock is plummeting would be an understatement. Good thing Adrian Clayborn will represent Iowa in the first round because he won’t sniff the draft let alone a training camp invite. If teams (well, the Dolphins) were concerned that Dez Bryant’s mom was a whore, imagine what they’ll think of him. This goes way beyond the a Ricky Stanzi party.

Johnson-Koulianos has destroyed his immediate NFL prospects. Although he wasn’t one of the top ranked receivers in the 2011 draft, he had a legitimate shot of being a late draft pick or getting a training camp invite. From there who knows what could have happened. There’s the loss of potential income and the ability to take care of himself and family for life. However this story is bigger than the loss of money or professional status.

Johnson-Koulianos tested positive for marijuana and cocaine. Most people will talk about him sullying Iowa’s reputation or chances in the Insight Bowl. Ferentz’s coaching this season did more to affect the former than his top receiver. He has some major personal issues to sort out before thinking about getting back on the football field regardless of how the legal issues sort out.

Officers … reported finding “electronic media” showing Johnson-Koulianos in possession of cocaine and marijuana, complaints state.

Let’s put the utter disregard for discretion aside at the moment. Johnson-Koulianos was taking so many different drugs that the court should order treatment as part of any sentence. In addition to weed and coke, he also admitted to taking various prescription drugs that he obtained from “friends” without a prescription. Maybe he had a BMOC complex. Perhaps he never saw anything wrong with what he was doing. Many will say he did it to himself and he deserves whatever punishment he gets. It is his fault but he obviously needs help. Does Iowa owe him anything for his contributions to the football program? It’s about helping a young kid get his life together before he throws it away. Look what happened to Maurice Clarett after Ohio State kicked him to the curb. They got what they wanted out of him then tried to forget he ever existed. Forget prison. He’s playing in the UFL with Jeff Garcia. Is that what Johnson-Koulianos wants for himself? Omaha?

Hopefully Ferentz and rest of the Hawkeye football program will support Johnson-Koulianos through this and he’ll come out of this having learnt something before it’s done. Hey hey hey! It’s a bit more serious than an episode of Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids and the UFL but you get the point.