Ex-aerobics instructor and bald Vince McMahon Dana White has been on a subtle mission to ruin Strikeforce since the UFC announced that it was purchasing the U.S. fight promotion earlier this year. While the UFC is indeed the top dog in the U.S., with apologies to Bellator, Strikeforce still represented an alternative to see fights from people who didn’t have to kiss Dana’s ass, or who the UFC demonstrated no patience for in earlier forays. Strikeforce brought us the likes of King Mo, Fedor, Gina Carano, and Alistair Overeem.

First, we saw Jake Shields shift over to the Octagon, then Strikeforce occasional heavyweight champion Alistair Overeem was announced to fight in December against Brock Lesnar (boing!), and now Strikeforce lightweight champion Gilbert Melendez is likely to make the switch.

Pull guard and sink in a guillotine, ESPN:

UFC president Dana White said he wants to have Melendez in his promotion very soon.

“We do want to bring Gilbert Melendez over [to UFC] and we’re looking at it right now,” White said Saturday night. “We’re going to bring him over ASAP.”

It was believed that Melendez (19-2) would defend his Strikeforce title in December against Jorge Masvidal. But White further emphasized his desire to have Melendez’s next fight be in UFC.

“We’re looking to bring him over right now,” White said.

White refused to guarantee a title shot for Melendez in his first UFC bout, but he would not rule it out.

“It’s a possibility.” White said. “The thing is, that division is stacked.

“And usually timing has a lot to do with it.”

The article goes on to note that, in total, four Strikeforce champions have vacated, including Dan Henderson, and welterweight Nick Diaz, and they are all in UFC now. Meanwhile, Paul Daley sits by the phone pretending to play bridge, and Keith Jardine is probably underneath a bridge right now sharing a can of turpentine with Boxcar Joe after they boxed for a sandwich. Where is my source for this information, your mom, that’s who!! (points to crotch).

Steven Seagal is protecting your borders Texas

Rape whistle inventor’s inspiration and Bobby Lupo avenger Steven Seagal was instrumental in the victories of Andersen Silva over Vitor Belfort at UFC 126, and Lyoto Machida’s victory over Randy Couture. Although Jon “Bones” Jones had the opportunity to learn the ways of the eskimo woman sensi, he chose to decline, which lead to him winning the fight anyway. Now we are learning that Steven Seagal may be taking his character from the Grindhouse crapfest Machete a little too seriously.

Courtesy of TMZ:

Mexicans looking to sneak into the United States have a brand new obstacle … a gun-toting Steven Seagal … who has just become an official border sheriff in Texas.

Seagal was sworn in as a sheriff’s deputy in Hudspeth County, Texas this weekend … and according to a sheriff’s dept. spokesman, he’ll be working full-time to help secure the border Texas shares with Mexico.

Shockingly, the rep insists Seagal’s work with the department has nothing to do with his A&E reality show, “Steven Seagal: Lawman.”

One of the sheriffs told Chron.com, “It became very clear to me that Mr. Seagal is not in this for the celebrity or the publicity … He’s like the rest of us that live down here, he has a sincere passion for his country and he wants to do more to help.”

On a side note, Seagal looks like he’s ready to stroll the desert, at extremely high temperatures, and to, if necessary, give pursuit to these hopeful, hard-working, harmlessful Americans terrorists. Not only that but he probably won’t sweat, either.

Lyoto Machida is going to get a shot at Jon Bones Jones at UFC 140, blue balling the deliciousness of the grudge match between Rashad Evans and Lyoto Machida that is a terrific excuse to get a keg, invite your friends over, and reconfigure the descrambler on your television.

It sucks, but when Mr. Clean calls it on Twitter we all fall into line, unless you are Lyoto Machida and a rematch with Rashad Evans at UFC 133 is pending after Phil Davis was injured. Then, you just ask for “Anderson Silva money.” They’re both Brazilian, right? Then, how much can that really be!? (reads Economist, learns of Brazil’s growing global economic competitiveness).

To be fair, both fighters are training with Steven Seagal; the same man who made Richie Madano pay for shooting Bobby Lupo.

It doesn’t hurt matters that Dana White has no problem dismissing the UFC ranking system; we now get to see Lyoto Machida take on Jones instead of the grudge match with Evans. To be completely fair though, Evans is not 100 percent yet from his fight with Ortiz.

Taste the sad ESPN:

In 19 professional fights, only Jackson and Rua have beaten Machida. It was Rua who handed Machida his first professional loss and ended his brief reign as UFC light heavyweight champion on May 8, 2010.

During his most recent appearance inside the cage, Machida (17-2) ended his two-fight skid with a first-round knockout of Randy Couture at UFC 129. That bout was held April 30 in Toronto.

“Stylistically, he matches up well with Jones,” Machida’s manager, Ed Soares, told ESPN.com. “The guys Jones has been fighting stand in front of him.

“The way Machida moves around the Octagon makes him a different type of fighter. Lyoto has the tools and the experience and the techniques to be able to beat Jon Jones.”

Jones has an 84.5″ wingspan, he could stand outside the octagon and still stick Machida.

Although I was very much looking forward to UFC 135 I have to confess I didn’t get to see it. You see, my expense account with the Deuce is under investigation and WHAT AM I MADE OF MONEY??? Okay sorry to fly off the handle like that, but I get cranky when I don’t see my fights.

Well, it looks like this Jon “Bones” Jones character, who talks like Phil Jackson and fights like Anderson Silva, may actually be pretty good. Rampage Jackson literally lived in the gym for two months for this fight but went out in the first submission loss of his career, a rear naked choke that only sounds dirty but is actually quite lethal.

Next up for Jones is likely a fight with former friend and mentor Rashad Evans, who was technically the number 1 contender after beating Rampage last year.

Courtesy of FOXSPORTS.com:

It didn’t take Jones long to end that notion. Jones opened up a cut above Jackson’s right eye with an elbow in the third round and it was pretty much all over from there.

With his win, Jones may just be bringing stability back to the division. The belt has switched hands a number of times since Jackson last won the crown in 2007.

Down the road, Jones will face Rashad Evans, who was taking in the fight from the seats.

Evans knows Jones quite well — and there’s no love lost between them.

He was friends and training partners with Jones before a falling out led to some bitter feelings.

The low-key Jones beat Mauricio “Shogun” Rua last March to become the youngest title holder in UFC history. But he was facing probably the hardest puncher around in Jackson.

The Ultimate Fighter is still on television. For now.

The Ultimate Fighter has been a huge source of talent for the UFC over the years. Great fighers like Rashad Evans, Forrest Griffin, War Machine (personal favorite), and Michael Bisping have been introduced to fight fans through the reality show. Other fighters, like Matt Mitrione, Ryan Bader, and Court McGee, are slowly coming on the radar as well.

Well, before UFC moves over the basic cable HBO FX Network we are treated to a final season of the TUF on Spike. After basically three shitty seasons, including that awful heavyweights season, we finally got some decent fights out of the premiere episode, with the bantamweights and featherweights duking it out. The coaches are Michael Bisping, and Jason “Mayhem” Miller but the chances of them actually fighting are not too good, given the show’s recent track record.

There were some good fights on the two-hour premiere episode and without giving out any spoilers I encourage you to check it out here.

But first, let us both endure this god awful press release from UFC about their crappy show:

That changes this season. Because the featherweights and bantamweights have been flying (Editor’s note: ho, ho, ho!) under the radar until this year, there has been plenty of top talent that hasn’t made the transition to the big stage of the UFC. The pay scale between the bottom of the WEC and the top of, say, Tachi Palace was roughly the same, so fighters were content to stick around the indie leagues and hone their craft. That all changed with the inclusion of the two weight classes in the UFC earlier this year. The pay might not be much better, but the exposure is exponentially greater.

Suddenly, the UFC is the place to be for lower-weight fighters looking to make a name for themselves.

The Ultimate Fighter 14 will give a much-needed shot in the arm to the UFC featherweight and bantamweight ranks, and coaches Jason “Mayhem” Miller and Michael Bisping will provide the kind of ludicrous fireworks that make for great television entertainment. I expect a lot from this season, and I think it will deliver in spades.

Best fights:

MATT JAGGERS vs. TJ DILLASHAW (135): Dillashaw is a Team Alpha Male member, and he’s also HeavyMMA’s exclusive Ultimate Fighter blogger for this season. We’ll have TJ on Heavy each Thursday discussion the previous night’s episode of the show, so stay tuned for that. Dillashaw fights almost exactly like a cross between Urijah Faber and Joseph Benavidez. Dillashaw wins this one by pounding Jaggers out at the end of the first round. The bell rings, but Jaggers is obviously out and the fight is called. TJ Dillashaw d. Matt Jaggers via TKO, round 1

STEVEN SILER vs. MICAH MILLER (145): Miller is the brother of Cole Miller and was considered to be one of the featherweight favorites going into the house. Siler put an end to that one, submitting him in the third round. Steven Siler d. Micah Miller via submission, round 3

BRIAN PEARMAN vs. AKIRA CORRASANI: Corrasani says he is an artist that entertains people with his brutal style. That’s neat. He certainly did that here, drilling Pearman with a ton of punches and then knocking him out. Pearman has one hell of a chin. Akira Corrasani d. Brian Pearman via TKO, round 1