Ever since Alistair Overeem started eating babies “eating horse meat” there have been whispers that Overeem’s physique was on the wrong side of the vial. Overeem was an enigma, who remained heavyweight champ of Strikeforce despite defending the title only once in three years. If he had been a fighting champion there’s no question it would have helped Strikeforce put out a more competitive product to better compete with UFC.

Despite the steroids rumors, Overeem was a big score for the UFC; he was a legit heavyweight and the division needed them. Overeem was immediately awarded a fight against former heavyweight champion Brock Lesnar, beating him in the first round DESPITE the fact that he technically skipped town before his drug screening for THAT FIGHT, and got a conditional license from Nevada for the fight. Despite all the red flags though, Overeem delivered and he was rewarded with a title shot against Junior Dos Santos for UFC 146.

Dash my hopes and dreams, FOX SPORTS:

Overeem, along with all other main-card fighters, was tested at a press conference in Las Vegas to promote the UFC 146 pay-per-view event, at which Overeem was scheduled to take on UFC heavyweight champion Junior dos Santos. “The Demolition Man’s” sample came back showing an elevated level of testosterone, a result that indicates the illegal use of testosterone as a performance enhancing substance.

There’s still a chance that the “B” sample of Overeem’s urine will come back negative, but don’t hold your breath, this fight is probably not going to happen. Be ready to watch Frank Mir take on Dos Santos, which could be okay except Mir is inconsistent.

At the risk of going Florio on everybody here, it’s absolute bullshit that Overeem was able to put the UFC in this position in the first place. The UFC pushed Brock Lesnar to the moon when he first arrived in UFC, he was given a heavyweight title shot after just three fights, and now he’s back in WWE, so why didn’t White learn anything from that experience? Why was a rematch against Velasquez for Dos Santos so out of the question?

Years before he received the big boot and a leg drop by his ex-wife’s divorce attorney in court, Hulk Hogan was a mighty athlete that even graced the cover of Sports Illustrated.

But, on the heels of news that Hulk Hogan and Chyna can both be seen having sex on camera, we can rejoice now in learning that finally, a Hulk Hogan tape is being released in DVD format that we not only want to see, but that we may actually pleasure ourselves watching, too.

(record scratch)

I mean take pleasure in watching!

(laughs nervously, kicks bottle of lotion under desk)

That’s right folks, after years of ignoring my letters threatening suicide, Vince McMahon has taken time out from his busy schedule of forcing John Cena down our throats in order to do the greatest thing he has ever done (Wrestlemania 28 is this weekend).

’80s classic movie No Holds Barred will be coming out on DVD on July 3rd for the first time. Ever.

If you don’t remember the “dookie scene” please take this quick refresher.

Feel better? Okay, I’ll let wikipedia take it from here (SPOILER ALERT):

Hulk Hogan plays Rip, a very popular professional wrestler. Although Rip looks and acts like a brute, he is actually a golden-hearted guy. He has a younger brother, Randy (Mark Pellegrino), whose presence in the audience motivates him enough to win his matches.
Rip appears on a television channel which screens all his matches. Thanks to Rip, the channel is highly popular. However, the evil, money-hungry chairman of a rival channel, Brell (Kurt Fuller), wants to convince Rip to join their network. Rip respectfully declines, though Brell has his gang of thugs attempt to beat Rip into submission during the limo ride home from the meeting.
After visiting the No Count Bar, a rowdy establishment featuring a wrestling ring in the center and patronized by drunken, vicious fighters, Brell is inspired to create a new kind of wrestling program, focusing more on violence and sensationalism than Rip’s more moralistic version of the sport. Brell’s new program, Battle of the Tough Guys, is successful after the introduction of Zeus (Tom Lister, Jr.), a violent, seemingly unfazable ex-con who sports a “Z”-shaped patch of hair on his skull. Zeus killed an opponent in the ring after the fight was over, and has been in prison until recently.
Samantha, a beautiful corporate spy (Joan Severance), is sent by Brell to seduce Rip. However, Rip’s good nature and dedication to charity wins her over, and she confesses the truth to the wrestler and turns to his side. After this fails, Brell attempts to have Samantha raped; as usual, Rip foils the plot and dispatches the would-be rapist into a tree trunk. Meanwhile, Brell and Zeus crash an outdoor charity event Rip is appearing at, demanding that Rip prove his honor by fighting Zeus live on Brell’s new show. Once again, Rip avoids violent conflict and attempts to reason with Brell, who leaves in anger.
Randy and a friend decide to check out Zeus for themselves, attending an illegal fight being held in a warehouse. After watching Zeus defeat the monstrous Lugwrench Perkins (Jeep Swenson), Randy foolishly identifies himself as Rip’s brother to Brell and his associates. Randy attempts to defend himself, but Zeus brutally beats him, sending him to the hospital. Finally, after this ultimate insult, a tearful Rip decides to accept Zeus’ challenge.
Before the match, Brell abducts Rip’s friends and threatens to kill them if Rip doesn’t lose deliberately. With the odds against him, Rip wins the match after Zeus falls from a perch into the wrestling ring, collapsing it. Rip turns his attentions to Brell, who accidentally falls into an electrical panel to his demise. With his friends rescued and his brother recovering in the hospital, Rip celebrates his victory.

Hulkamania seeks to conquer the sex game

First, Chyna and Sean Waltman brought us the unforgettable (no matter how much we try) “One Night in Chyna,” and recently Chyna has returned to the sex-trade by signing a deal with Vivid. When your wife goes off with her 22-year-old lover with basically all your money, and you’re still wrestling on a subpar promotion that doesn’t draw squat, it’s time to get out the big guns.

Hit me with the big boot, and then the leg drop, TMZ.com:

A sex tape featuring legendary wrestler Hulk Hogan has surfaced — and TMZ has learned, it’s currently being shopped to a major porn studio.

We’ve seen a portion of the grainy footage — featuring Hulk getting undressed and a naked, unidentified brunette lying on a bed. The woman is NOT his ex-wife Linda or his current wife Jennifer McDaniel.

In the clip, Hulk pulls his shirt off and brags to his companion, “I started to work out again.” Hulk then runs his hands through his blonde hair like he always does.

The best part … Hulk’s thong-shaped tan line.

It’s unclear when the tape was shot — but Vivid honcho Steve Hirsch tells TMZ, he was approached with the tape very recently by a third party.

Yuck, what an image.

Update: The Hulkster is now “Hulking up” with his lawyer saying he was secretly filmed. His credibility has been questioned in the past however, such as when he told us that Sting had joined the nWo only to later learn that it was a Sting impostor. Rest assured that Steve Hirsch will open this week’s TNA Impact show flanked by Kurt Angle and declaring he would like to show the tape on national television, before Hogan charges (more like limps) to the ring, clears it out and then hits his ridiculous poses (listening to the crowd, most muscular).

Seriously, what the hell is Shane Ryan doing writing on Grantland? Didn’t he get the memo that this thing was really just supposed to be Bill Simmons masturbation project? Bill Simmons gets to lazily write about the NBA and make arbitrary lists of his favorite celebrities, and movies, and we get to grind our teeth into dust.

Ryan should set the bar a little lower next time.

In May, Fliehr and a group of other wrestlers, including Scott Hall (“Razor Ramon”) and Virgil Runnels III (“Dustin Rhodes a.k.a. Goldust”) were on a chartered flight back to the United States after a series of shows in Europe. They began drinking, and the situation quickly deteriorated. Two flight attendants, Taralyn Cappellano and Heidi Doyle, would compile their allegations into a 2004 lawsuit. Chief among the chronicled misdeeds was Fliehr’s sexual aggression. He wore nothing but a jeweled cape, the flight attendants said, and “flashed his nakedness, spinning his penis around.”

They don’t call him the nature boy for nothing! AMMMIYRIGHT? (High fives frat brothers, flashes penis to neighbors).

As much as it pains me to admit it, Ryan’s piece on the sad state of affairs in Flair country is easily the best thing that has appeared on the site so far. Why? Because unlike some asshole who remembered an interview that Will Smith gave in 2007, Ryan appears to have done real reporting. Sure, there have been other articles about Flair’s troubles (Editor’s note: What does it say about North Carolina, or Flair, if he was seriously considering a run for Governor?) but this thing is way more detailed and comprehensive. Will this inspire the DoD staff to strive to bring you better, stronger, and edgier content? No, no it probably will not.

Finish the Job, LeBron: Go Heel

As an astute sports fan, I’m disheartened by the most recent round of LeBron James bashing/emasculation. No one is booed more heavily and lustily than Bron: an entire state celebrates his “failure.” Sure, there are a million reasons to rightfully hate him, but the sad thing is, the harder he tries, the more people loathe him. Well, here at the Deuce we don’t do problems, we do solutions. It’s time for the King to take a page out of the old WWE book and embrace the hate. It’s time for Bron to turn heel. Read the rest of this entry