Tito Ortiz is nobody’s stepping stone

Glorified punching bag Tito Ortiz has been provided a forum at ESPN to lie about defend his record and provide much-needed perspective on his legendary career. ESPN green lights bad decisions all the time, so why would this situation be any different?

Follow us down memory lane, ESPN:

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Tim Knoll Can BMX Better Than You

Tim Knoll is guy who, like many of us guys, just likes to ride his bike…only Tim Knoll does it a little bit differently than you or I. What this guy can do on his bicycle I couldn’t even make myself do in my dreams, mostly because I never imagined anyone being able to do half this stuff he does in this video. While all of you have probably seen some sweet BMX freestyling while watching the X-Games, I think this stuff here might just trump it. Its some durn impressive BMX Freestylin’ goin on here peoples. Ya best watch it.  RESPECT.

The Fridge Got His Super Bowl Ring Back

This is the feel good story of the week right here.  After reading this article a couple months ago about the rise and fall of William “The Refrigerator” Perry, I was saddened to see what had become of such a bright athlete and person that provided such joy to all for a couple years.  (By the by, if you have not read this, please do, Tom Friend really wrote a great story here and it might be one of the best things ESPN has on it’s site all year.) Anyway, fast forward a couple months and suddenly, there is a little bit of a reason to let out a big gap-toothed smile for the ‘Fridge again.

The ‘Fridge finally got his Super Bowl ring back thanks to young Cliff Forrest who might be one of the nicest humans on the planet.  This 10 year old kid dropped like $8500 from his college money on the ‘Fridge’s ring, looked Perry up on the internet, saw that he was sick and said to himself “This man needs this ring more than I do”.

“He said Perry lost the ring through hard times, and that he only had one ring. He said, ‘I want him to have the ring back.’ That’s pretty special for a 10-year-old to want to do that.”

Special? Its downright awesome!  I mean, its also borderline insane as well.  I dont normally give away $8,500 gifts and, unlike young Cliffy here, I could even use that as a possible tax write-off.   This kid did it for nothing!  I mean he got two autographed Bears jerseys and some playing cards, but that is in no way close to recouping the $8,500 he spent from his college fund on that ring.

Oh and let me say this a third time, he spent $8,500 from his college fund on the ring!  By just giving this ring away, he essentially gave one year of state college away to the William Perry.  HE TRADED COLLEGE FOR MAKING THE FRIDGE HAPPY!

Granted, going to college these days won’t get you as far as it used to.  It can be said that you’d probably be better off learning a trade and learning it well.  You certainly could have a better shot at owning your own business if you do it right.  But still, college can be pretty damn important if you do it right and he gave away at least a year of it, for a football player that he didn’t ever watch play.

He never got a chance to watch that fat bastard run the ball in from the one yard line.  Never got to see him dance in the end zone.  He never even got the chance to play with the G.I. Joe action figure that came with a giant cinder block on chain instead of a gun (I guess the ‘Fridge didn’t need a gun). He pretty much knew nothing about the guy until he googled him and saw that he wasn’t a well or happy man and thought that this ring would make more of a difference for Perry rather than himself.

Pretty awesome. The video story of it is after the jump

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As the clock ticked down and a green and yellow bow was half-hazardly tied on an otherwise mediocre NFL season, one would think those harbingers of America’s past time would begin deploying bombastic tomes about “hope springing eternally” in places like Sarasota, Florida.  Then you get dreck like this, and you suddenly miss the 16-hour football orgy Chris Berman hosts every Sunday (Sidenote: had the chance to contribute some content for that Tony Romo interview.  Let me just say this, Mustafa Redonkulous [if that is your real name]: I give you the word association game and you can’t even ask him for Jessica Simpson’s number or at least a BBM pin?  Instead you just gloss over it!  That wasn’t part of the deal, Redonkulous!  That wasn’t part of the deal!).

While the NFL tries to figure out whether or not it wants to let the rest of pro sports catch up to it in popularity, let’s talk about the most boring guy to ever (maybe!) sign a $180M contract: Read the rest of this entry

If you watched ESPN in the early 2000′s you may have observed a humorless man with an enormous forehead pontificating about the state of the NBA. It wasn’t that Stephen A. Smith was particularly “good,” but when your competition is Jalen Rose and Jon Barry, it’s not exactly tough to stand out.

Okay, fine, Stephen A. Smith gives decent-enough interviews, and he is perhaps even a little less afraid to call athletes out then people like Michael Wilbon, who practically gives Magic Johnson a handjob every time ABC broadcasts a Celtics or Lakers game (really the only two teams that they air). Wilbon also won’t criticize his famous athlete friends (cough, Donovan McNabb, cough). When Allen Iverson’s Philadelphia homecoming soured, Stephen A. Smith reported AI’s problems anyway. Journalists totally need to backstab their friends more!

Also, he did manage to make ESPN look ridiculous (not too difficult) when he reported days before ESPN that Lebron James, and Chris Bosh would be joining the Miami Heat and giving South Beach jersey chasers an instant orgasm.

It was reported by my sources (gestures to homeless person consuming cheap scotch) that Stephen A. was reduced to giving interviews in Philadelphia soup kitchens until recently. Good for him. With a face made for radio, it’s perhaps only natural that Stephen A. will be taking his talents to the airwaves and the “series of tubes” we call the internet instead of making our ears and eyes bleed on NBA Live.

“Words cannot express how excited I am to return to ESPN,” said Smith.

I am speechless, everybody! Oh, maybe just a quick word…

“The five-plus years I spent here in my previous stint were unquestionably the best years of my professional career. To have the opportunity to return to a place where I have an abundance of friends – with individuals whose contributions to my life, both professionally and personally, deserves far more credit than I can describe – simply makes my return that much more special. I’m sincerely grateful. And very, very ready. As in right now. Let’s go!”

Stephen A. does sound elated, and perhaps relieved. With that ESPN money coming back in at least he can maybe afford to hire bodyguards again.