Tony Hawk has been called the Michael Jordan of skateboarding, which is a bit ridiculous because skateboarding is an individual sport, not a team one. But then you read stuff like this and you realize that maybe they didn’t mean it like you originally thought.

Tell me you want sole custody People magazine:

Tony Hawk’s third marriage is coming to an end.

The pro skateboarder, 42, filed for divorce from his wife, Lhotse Merriam, in North San Diego County, Calif., on Friday.

“We have made the difficult decision to file for divorce,” the couple say in a joint statement Monday.

It couldn’t have been that difficult. I mean yeah, he’s got a kid with her, but this guy is making money hand over fist and he is parking his car in a garage that I wouldn’t treat to White Castle after staining her upholstery and pulling a David Blaine on her.

Still, divorce can be tough on kids. But that’s why you have things like “two Christmases.” Divorced kids know what I am talking about! No self-respecting parent wants to be outdone by their ex at holiday time. It’s childish but we do what we can to buy our children’s love. Unless you’re me and you avoid your parental responsibilities altogether.

I refuse to play your little game you slut!

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