Washington Redskins bust defensive whale Albert Haynesworth was recently charged with misdemeanor sexual abuse stemming from an incident at a birthday party at the W Hotel in Washington, D.C. in mid-February (Oh, well, I guess my invitation must have been lost in the mail!). Apparently, the waitress had her hands full with dishes so Big Al figured that placing his credit card between her cleavage would be an empowering gesture to cap off what was likely to have been a thrilling evening of being objectified and ordered around like Princess Leia in Return of the Jedi.

Although Haynesworth’s work ethic, maturity, and cardiovascular shape have been challenged and criticized recently, he has not shied away from his belief that we are all entitled to be with whomever we want, regardless of race.

Hum “Lift every voice and sing” for me, AP:

“I didn’t touch her,” Haynesworth responded, according to the document, adding that he doesn’t “even like black girls.”

When police detectives later tried to interview Haynesworth, he spontaneously told them, according to court papers: “I know what this is about, she is just upset I have a white girlfriend. I couldn’t tell you the last time I dated a black girl. She was trying to get with me.”

The 2010 U.S. census reported back that the U.S. now has more then 4.5 million interracial marriages, a remarkable statistic indicating how far the nation has come from the era of Jim Crow and Segregation.

I think I speak for everyone here when I say that Big Al should be free to go out with whomever he wants. Is Big Al willing to go to jail for his beliefs? I think we both know the answer to that one.

Young Washington National, Bryce Harper, played in his first simulated game against real major leaguers yesterday afternoon and do you want to guess how he fared in his two at bats?  Well he struck out twice.  Disappointing?  Totally! Surprising?  Not in the least.

It just can’t be surprising if you’ve followed sports in this town for the last twenty years.  DC has been full of young athletes with promise that only serve to let us down over and over again.  We have had several high draft picks or young phenoms that have come into this town and failed, sometimes in spectacular fashion.  DC might actually be one of the worst cities in all of sports in terms of positively assisting in a young athlete’s growth.

Plus, he’s super young (big strike against him), he’s super confident (can he handle not having immediate success), and he’s super inexperienced (can he handle injuries, can he handle the life in the big city, can he handle his money). The odds really are stacked against this kid unless the stars align.

The stars rarely align in DC however. If history is our guide, Harper will be yet another huge disappointment. So let’s look at a brief history of the other highly touted disappointments DC has had, at least in recent memory:

Stephen Strasburg

Ok, so sure, its a little early to judge the whole career of this kid but c’mon, he blew out his arm in his first taste of the majors.  That is a huge disappointment.  Especially from a pitcher who can only be compared to the likes of Doc Gooden, who never took care of his body and in fact abused it to hell with drugs and partying but still managed to avoid Tommy John surgery his entire career.  This city named the day that Strasburg pitched “Strasmas!” for crying out loud. What a huge disappointment that in his FIRST YEAR he blew out his arm.

Sure he could recover from it and be as good or even better than what he was those first few starts he had for the Nationals.  On the other hand, he couldn’t.  Knowing DC superstar disappointment history…he probably won’t. As of right now, this whole city is disappointed that Livan Hernandez will be tossing out the first pitch on opening day instead of Strasburg.

Alexander Ovechkin

This guy was supposed to be a combination of Wayne Gretzky and Mario Lemieux with a dash of pre-concussion Eric Lindros in there.  A big guy, unafraid to mix it up, who was agile, fast and an unstoppable scorer.  He was supposed to be the best. For a little while, there might’ve been an argument that he was the best, this year however, he isn’t even close.

With 24 goals in 63 games, Sidney Crosby is STILL ahead of him even though he’s been out with a concussion for what seems like half the year.

This isn’t even the real problem with Ovechkin however.  All of this season stats could just be a massive, season-long slump. A blip on the career of an incredible player.  Its way too early to tell.  The real problem with Ovechkin is that he has never won anything, anywhere.

Great players are supposed to elevate the talent around them…or at least win a championship at some point.  That Ovechkin hasn’t been able to do that yet, despite teams full of massive talent and promise, is INCREDIBLY disappointing. Read the rest of this entry

The World is Your Oyster Albert Haynesworth

When we last left Washington Redskins defensive Jabba the Hut Albert Haynesworth he was ingratiating himself to motorists of the greater Washington, D.C. area, a lofty group. Now it appears that another young lady, a server for the W Hotel, has decided to unfairly target Haynesworth for her fifteen minutes of fame.

Now, before you start bringing up previous incidents and trying to paint a picture, you need to know that Big Al has a sensitive side. Big Al knows that waitressing is a tireless, and thankless, profession, so when the opportunity presented itself to subject a waitress to humiliating attention during what was no doubt the tail end of a grueling shift, he just couldn’t let opportunity pass him by. Ladies love attention, fellas.

Leave 20 percent and then please just leave Washington Post:

The report said Haynesworth, identified as Subject 1, tried to give the waitress his credit card and asked if he could place it in her blouse. The waitress nodded, and Haynesworth placed the card into her blouse and began caressing her breast, the report says.

While Haynesworth is not named in the report, the police department source, who spoke on condition of anonymity, confirmed that Subject 1 referred to the Redskins lineman. The report, which was filed at 5:15 a.m. Sunday, describes the suspect as a “heavy/fat/stocky” black male with a goatee, and about 6 feet 6 or 6 feet 7.

Whoah! Whoah! Let’s not jump to any conclusions here, Washington D.C. police department. I mean a 6’7″ “stocky black male driving a Maserati (guessing) could be just about anybody in this fair city.

Call me crazy but I think once the facts come out D.C’s finest will all owe Big Al an apology. Haynesworth, 1. Washington D.C. Police Department, 0.

Defensive tackle and vending machine aficionado Albert Haynesworth had a difficult year by any standard. First Big Al got “tricked” into possibly siring a rugrat with some rump-shaker in New York. Good thing Big Al is pro choice, or else Emily’s List would never endorse him when he decides to run for Mayor.

Next, ex-Broncos Beef Jerky impersonator Mike Shanahan rode into D.C. to coach the Redskins and publicly promised that the lolly-gagging was coming to a halt. Oh Shanny…this is the Redskins, the lolly-gagging will most certainly continue unabated.

This lead to an escalating and embarassing (for Redskins fans) series of pissing contests between Shanny and Big Al, from conditioning tests, to wars of words, and finally, phantom illnesses. Big Al swallowed $21 million fishies just before channeling “Roots” regarding the tenuous relationship between NFL players and the coaches and owners. Now Haynesworth has apparently gotten into a kerfuffle with a motorist.

Give the thank-you-wave after you turn into my lane Washington Post:

ESPN.com identified the Civic driver as Joel Velazques, 38, of Leesburg.

Velazques told ESPN that after their vehicles jockeyed for road space, a person he recognized as Haynesworth got out of a Ford truck with Tennessee license plates. Velazques said Haynesworth came to the driver-side window of his car, and after Velazques rolled down his window, Haynesworth said to him twice, “You’re not so tough now,” and then punched him in the side of his nose, ESPN reported.

Velazques said he followed Haynesworth but lost him along the way. He told ESPN he called 911 and gave a statement to a Fairfax officer.

Fairfax Chief Deputy Commonwealth’s Attorney Ian M. Rodway said an officer assigned to the incident compiled a photo lineup and showed it to the man, who identified Haynesworth as his assailant.

On this site, we try to remain objective and fair and always keep in mind that athletes are sometimes unfairly targeted because of their high-profiles and wealth. Oh, he’s done this before? Nevermind:

Haynesworth, who was suspended by the team for the final four games of the season for insubordination, has had previous troubles on the road. In December 2008, he pleaded guilty to driving 103 mph in a 70-mph zone on Interstate 65 south of Nashville and was placed on 30 days probation. Four days after that plea, he was speeding on the same stretch of Interstate 65, in a 2008 black Ferrari, when he allegedly swerved across two lanes and slammed into another car, driving it into the concrete median.

The driver of the other car, Corey Edmondson, was seriously injured and needed a hip replacement. He has filed a civil suit against Haynesworth, which is pending. In July 2009, shortly after he had signed a $100 million contract with the Redskins making him one of the highest-paid defensive players in NFL history, Haynesworth pleaded no contest in Brentwood City Circuit Court to a reckless driving charge. He was placed on three months probation, ordered to perform 25 hours of community service, attend an eight-hour driving school and make a $5,000 contribution to an organization that provides counseling to emergency responders.

And in 2006, while a member of the Tennessee Titans, Haynesworth was charged and later cleared in a road rage incident that occurred near Interstate 40 in Cookeville, Tenn. A woman and her son-in-law claimed that Haynesworth, in a Ford F-650 pickup truck, tried to run them off the road as their vehicles crossed paths, and the pair traveled to two counties to take out warrants against Haynesworth. Haynesworth said he was the victim of the road rage, that he had tried to let the two cars pass him but they kept following him. Prosecutors in both counties investigated and dismissed all charges.

Big Al has a lot to learn about planned parenthood and conflict resolution. Like making sure the girl stands near a flight of stairs when she tells you the news, or challenging your teammate to a gun fight.

How many of you laughed when you heard that Dana Stubblefield took steroids during his NFL career? It was probably funnier to Redskins fans who were forced to watch him take suck to epic levels like every other big-money Synder signing. Could you blame him for lying about taking steroids? Who would have believed it? Next thing, Gilbert Brown would have claimed he was bulimic.

Stubblefield can’t quit failing and getting in trouble for it. He was sentenced to 90 days in jail for stealing his ex-girlfriend’s mail. Did we mention he’s already on probation after being nailed for lying to federal investigators during the BALCO scandal?

Stubblefield didn’t just roll up to her mailbox and take her mail as one would think. He filled out a change of address form so her mail would get delivered to him. Smooth. Her mail included unemployment checks but he was probably after those Valu-Pak direct mailers. He was hoping to get those “Buy One, Get Three Free” coupons from Domino’s. Expect Bruce Allen to sign him after his release. Someone needs to take Albert Haynesworth’s place.

UPDATE: Did you know that Stubblefield played a prisoner in the Ben Affleck tour de shart Reindeer Games? H/T to Joe Eskenazi of SF Weekly for digging this up.

Stubblefield, fittingly, played a prisoner in the 2000 stinker Reindeer Games alongside Ben Affleck. During the making of that film, the former NFL great inadvertently knocked Affleck unconscious, hospitalizing him.

That’s why he got probation and 90 days as opposed to 20 years.