This clip is a couple years old but it’s new to us. This player didn’t take too kindly to being fouled. If you’re going to do it, you better make sure he stays down. If you don’t, you’re gonna end up in a body bag.

This guy may not have struck first but he struck hard. There’s all kinds of pain in this dojo. Now we know where Evo Morales gets it from.

There’s no better time for announcers to get self-righteous than when a streaker runs on the field of play during a sporting event. Joe Buck must have a small aneurysm every time every time he sees cock and balls on a football field. He almost imploded when Randy Moss pretended to moon the crowd at Lambeau Field.

Dorchester Town’s Andy Vickers decided to help the stewards corral a streaker and received a red card for his efforts. Watch the hilarity ensue.

The sending off scene needs some Benny Hill music playing in the background. This is every day in Latin American soccer.

Not only are we going to Cheshire … we’re going to Manchester and Madrid and Los Angeles and Milan and South Africa, and we’re going back to California and London. And then we’re going to Westminster Abbey to take back the Royal Wedding. Yeah!

David Beckham’s inaugural game for the LA Galaxy was a garish scene. Cameras flashing. Celebrities milling about the stadium. Little girls screaming. Chelsea fans (including myself) loudly questioning Posh’s love of anal and screaming at him every time he came near our section. His scowls warmed our hearts. Goldenballs’ American future was so bright. He was single-handedly going to fill the Galaxy’s trophy cabinet with silverware as well as boost the profile of the MLS. His wife would become a Hollywood A-lister. Years later, the cabinet has more in common with Arsenal’s and his wife is better known for looking like Skeletor than having a successful music or television career. How’s the MLS doing? Growing every year no thanks to him. Since he’s not needed, he’ll be off again.

The Mirror reports that the Galaxy have given Beckham permission to attend the Royal Wedding. It will take place during the regular MLS season and 48 hours before they play FC Dallas (dumbest name in MLS until Real Salt Lake and Sporting Kansas City). He intends to return in time for the game. The reasoning besides his friendship with Prince William? It’s an “amazing British royal event”. I can just imagine Bruce Arena saying that like Billy Bush then throwing it to some chickenhead entertainment reporter for the whole scoop.

Beckham may have helped the Galaxy sell a few more shirts and tickets but that’s about it. It seems as though he spends more time worrying about his non-existent England chances and playing for teams in Europe during the off-season. At least he didn’t come back injured from his time with Spurs. He didn’t do much for them either except buy them pies and mash on the way out.

The Galaxy were wise not to allow Beckham to play any games for Spurs. He’s not getting any younger and playing constantly doesn’t do him or the team any favors. His last stint with AC Milan ended up with him being out for months. His first priority should be the team that sorts his direct deposit. If he wants to leave at the end of his deal, that’s his prerogative.

No one questions Beckham’s work ethic and taking off for a wedding isn’t the worst thing ever but there is something to be said for perception. It’s understandable why many Galaxy fans are fed up with him. It would behoove him to put his head down and fully commit to the team’s cause for a whole season without always thinking about his next move or appearing to put the cause second or third to outside interests.

Do not waste Vinnie Jones’ time on a Sunday by showing up and wanking off. Do that and you’ll get the hairdryer treatment. Check this epic halftime speech Jones gave to the Hollywood All-Stars. Definitely NSFW.

Guatemala Is The New Colombia

Most people who were aware of the 1994 World Cup at the time remember the name Andres Escobar*. If they don’t, his story still resonates with them. He played for Colombia and is best known for being murdered after scoring an own goal in the tournament. Several drug kingpins were upset with him for causing Colombia to crash out of the competition after losing 2-1 to the US. Let’s just say they had a bit of money riding on Colombia making the second round.

Players, managers and team officials in many countries are used to threats from fans and gamblers when results don’t go their way. Here’s video of ultras protesting Roma’s horrific 4-3 loss to Genoa at their Trigonia training ground on Sunday.

Fans expressing their disappointment by way of pyrotechnics or beatings is expected. Pre-meditated murder is not. Carlos Noe Gomez, vice-president of Guatelmalan team Deportivo Xinabajul was shot and killed after leaving a team meeting last Friday. He received death threats related to the team’s performance prior to his death. They’re currently at the bottom of the league. One has to imagine it’s going to be hard to fill that opening.

If that’s not bad enough, a player from another team was found “chopped up and left in five plastic bags in a rural area with a note saying the player had been killed for ‘messing with other women’” back in November.

Incidents like these make people wish for the good old days of Arkan. At least he was predictable.

*Far be it for us to recommend watching anything on ESPN but you’re missing out if you haven’t seen “The Two Escobars” yet.

** We’re just seeing this now but apparently Salvador Cabanas is back in training. Did we mention he still has a bullet lodged in his brain?