After 16 seasons, the longest tenured coach in the NFL, Jeff Fisher is on the unemployment line. Earlier this month it looked like Fisher was going to be safe when owner Bud Adams took a break from sleeping in an iron lung and being spoon-fed baby food to publicly declare that he was keeping Fisher after jettisoning talented (overrated by “analysts”) but troubled Quarterback Vince Young, whose goodwill in Tennessee evaporated quicker then Young’s hairline after a very public argument with his coach late in the season.

Still nobody likes to get dumped. Somebody grab Jeff Fisher an Entenmann’s and a bottle of Chardonnay. Fisher just wants to put his hair in curlers, watch old reruns of “Murder She Wrote” and dish about how Bud Adams smells like Bengay.

How does Jeff look in this Colts Jersey, ESPN?

“I want to thank Mr. Adams and the organization for a special 17 years,” Fisher said in a statement released by the team. “I can’t thank the fans enough for the support they showed us through the years; it has been a tremendous experience. We all did our very best and I think I can look back with fond memories and be very proud of what we accomplished. I want to wish the organization, the current players and the fans nothing but the best in the future.”

Since reaching Super Bowl XXXIV (like a hundred years ago!) Fisher hasn’t been that great, and the Titans have not won a postseason game since 2003. Last season the Titans started 0-6 and Adams forced Fisher to start Vince Young, who lead the Titans to finish the season at 8-8, something that would have caused a near-riot for joy in Cleveland or Cincinnati. The Titans have finished at .500 or below in five seasons since 2004.

When Bud Adams was asked who he wanted to interview to be his next head coach he replied “Paul Brown!” Reporters didn’t have the heart to tell him that Brown’s been dead since 1991. Or that Adams looks like an exhumed corpse. “Someone get him back to the museum of natural history!” a reporter shouted.

(Research for this post conducted in coordination with “Things that Never Really Happened Illustrated.”)

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