Tiki Barber had some reason to celebrate this week, his divorce has been finalized. Barber, who wisely destroyed every relationship he had with active NFL players and coaches on his way out the door toward the promised land of a failed gig on the NBC TODAY Show, also desperately sought to revive his previous career last season only to have a single workout for one of the NFL’s worst franchises.

When life hands you lemons…you can add them to your Allagash White and plop in two straws, one for your best buddy and de facto publicist Peter King, right Tiki?

Still, at least he gets to go to bed with this. Multiple news sources are also reporting that Barber intends to marry his mistress. Somebody explain the definition of insanity to the now-broke former NFL star, please.

Tom Coughlin burns the Jets

Winning a Super Bowl can allow a NFL head coach a little bit of candor in his public statements.  Winning two super bowls allows a coach a ton.

New York Giants head coach Tom Coughlin took full advantage of that yesterday when he couldn’t resist taking a jab at the “cross-town” rival New York Jets and their recent player acquisitions (ie: Tebowmania in NYC). Here’s what Coughlin had to say about the Jets recent acquisitions:

“You know who won the Super Bowl, you know who the world champions are,” he said. “Whether we’re on the front page every day or not, it’s not that important. New Yorkers know.”

Ouch, little bit of a burn there or what? The best part about that statement is that it pretty much rings true. The Giants go about their business, generally not making too many crazy headlines (minus Brandon Jacobs i guess) and they just go and win two Super Bowls in five years. The loudest Giants in the media are ex-Giants Tiki Barber and Michael Strahan.

Meanwhile, over in Jets country, you’ve got Rex Ryan flapping his gums every other week, talking about winning Super Bowls like he is a fat and sober Joe Namith, showcasing the entire team on HBO’s Hard Knocks, making free agent signing splashes that, all combined together…gets them essentially nowhere. Nowhere, that is, if you consider your season to be a bust if a Super Bowl ring was not won.

Anyway, it is nice to see Coughlin finally give up a little of the “hard ass” persona in his interviews with the media. Generally this is a guy who can make Bill Belichick look like charming. Maybe he’s finally getting soft in his golden years?

If so, I am loving it.

Alien baby offspring and evil twin Tiki Barber would like to resurrect his dormant NFL career for anybody who will have him. Unfortunately, Barber has not played football since 2006 and he made sure to shit all over his potential supporters on his way to a failed broadcasting career. But, is there hope? Well, probably not.

Give me a reason to believe, Jay Glazer:

First Tiki sighting. Tiki Barber worked out yesterday w the Dolphins. Heard he looked good, Fins 1st wanna see how their current crop does.

To recap, Tiki Barber did a series of drills and exercises in shorts and a t-shirt in front of people employed by the Miami Dolphins, and then went home. Tiki could have just taken an aerobics class in a first-floor studio by the stadium to accomplish the exact same thing.

Let’s recap; father of the year Tiki Barber would like to resume his dormant NFL career because of his pending divorce and failed broadcasting career desire to compete again. Barber shit all over his teammates, and his former coach. He smugly flaunted his Today show gig until they dropped him like 3rd period French. Now alone (not counting his 24-year-old girlfriend), broke, and hated by everyone, Barber is trying to rebuild his shattered image. Too bad, some of the guys he played with, and against, also have platforms to express their opinions.

Make me smile, NFL.com:

“I didn’t think much of him when he did play,” Sapp said. ”I mean that’s the whole point. He was a fumbler all the way through his life, and then all of a sudden, somebody taught him how to hold the ball up high and then he (left the Giants) and said, Eli (Manning) can’t lead them and they’ll never win a championship.

That kind of lends to who I’m talking about. This is the same guy. This is all encompassed into the same thing. There’s no way you turn your back on your teammates that block for you, that gave you the ball on short fields and did whatever they did. … There’s still no reason for you to attack your teammates.”

Strahan didn’t disagree with that assessment.

“Sapp is 100 percent right,” he said. “Only thing is, if it comes to playing football, he can play.”

To reiterate, Tiki Barber, 36, would like to resume his NFL career after five seasons away. He apparently has some interest from a couple NFL teams and should get down on his knees and pray to the NFL owners for opting out of their deal with the Players Association, inevitably delaying free agency and possibly training camp, and making his return much more likely.

Everybody hates Tiki Barber

When Tiki Barber walked away from the NFL in 2006 after leaking that he was retiring in the middle of the season he made sure to piss everybody off on the way out. He burned his former quarterback, and his head coach, he burned fantasy owners by always having his biggest games when it didn’t count, and finally he pissed off Oprah fans nationwide when he ditched his eight months pregnant wife for a 23-year-old intern (Editor’s note: Nobody likes fat chicks). Well, the Giants went on to pull off one of the biggest upsets in Super Bowl History and Tiki’s wife is (probably) co-signed on a house payment, a car note, and a stroller that is worth then my entire Amazing Spiderman collection. At least the fans haven’t given up on Tiki, oh wait, nevermind.

Barber also seemed to exude the attitude that he was just too talented to be limited to the NFL. I guess yukking it up with Al Roker on NBC’s Today is tougher then it looks because Tiki’s broadcasting career is more dried up then Madonna’s you-know-what (family friendly website here!) and it’s time for this unloved, unmissed, and unwanted has-been to get back to his reliable gravy train.

That’s going on around the country, here’s what’s happening in your neck of the woods, ESPN:

“After seeing my brother still have fun at our age, it reignited the fire,” Tiki Barber said, according to FoxSports.com. “I’m really looking forward to the challenge of seeing if I can get back to the level of where I was. I started working out again recently. It kind of shocked myself. I still had a lot of the strength I had before. I’m really looking forward to making a return.”

Translation: My wife and side piece are draining me like Bill on True Blood. Daddy needs ends or else snowflake moves back in with Jorge Posada and I start erupting into Kleenexes.

Barber is 35, and has been gone for four years. Returns to professional football generally tend to go great, particularly for running backs so whoever signs Barber should start stocking their locker room with champagne for when the Super Bowl resumes in 2099.