George Steinbrenner Archives

George Steinbrenner must be thanking Satan that he’s dead and gone from New York. Imagine what Carmelo Anthony would do to him upon learning that the former Yankees owner was a snitch.

The New York Times’ Richard Sandomir reports that Steinbrenner worked with the FBI on several cases in the 1970s and 80s. He “cooperated with the Federal Bureau of Investigation on national security cases and was willing to let it stage an organized-crime raid at Yankee Stadium”. President Reagan granted him a pardon in 1989 for his convictions for illegal contributions to Richard Nixon’s 1972 presidential campaign as well as obstruction of justice.

Find the FBI documents here.

Steinbrenner began helping with “a matter of vital interest” in the late 1970s. He quickly moved up to involving himself in thwarting terrorist plots that put him and his family in danger. I assume, without further details, that the situation was similar to Munich where he played the Ehud Barak role.

It gets better. World collide. Sandomir also notes that Steinbrenner attempted to get a pardon using the vaunted “Was That Wrong” excuse.

“Applicant stated that he would not have allowed the $25,000 corporate contribution if he had known it was illegal,” the memo said. It said that he had contributed $75,000 personally to Nixon’s campaign and would have made it $100,000 if he knew he could not make the corporate contribution.

Eat that, Costanza. Steinbrenner finally got his pardon but at what cost? American hero or rat-faced snitch? What would Billy Martin have said? Wait a minute. What do we really know about the night he died? He kept coming around. Maybe he heard too much. Watergate, terrorists, Billy Martin arresting people who try to piss during the 7th inning stretch. The next time you talk about conspiracies involving the Yankees, you can tell everyone it’s not jealousy. It’s the truth.

Kneel Before Fat P*ssy Toad

I can see it now. Hideki Irabu moping at the bar and flicking peanuts at the bartender before being told to pay his tab and get the fuck out. “Why peanut no work for Fat Pussy Toad? Work for Supaman … BANZAI!!!”

The former Yankees pitcher was arrested in Osaka after “assaulting a bartender after drinking 20 mugs of beer”. He flew into a rage after his credit card was rejected. He “pushed the bartender against the wall, grabbed his hair, smashed at least nine liquor bottles … and paid the bill with another credit card.”

That must have really messed with the bartender. Kamikaze rage to “Oh wow, I’m so sorry. I have no idea why my card doesn’t work. I’m not even close to my limit.” Maybe he transformed into Fat Pussy Toad like David Banner into the Hulk. That must have been a sight for everyone in the bar. A shaking toad full of rageahol paying its tab with a credit card. They’ll give credit to anyone or anything these days.

Halloween Is Coming…Who Should You Be?

The Deuce is quite fond of the Halloween season, it is such a great time for women of the world to dress up in the sluttiest clothes possible and actually get praise instead of scorn for baring tons of cleavage and leg. Women you wouldn’t even think of as bimbos get all hoochied up and it is a wonderful thing. Sadly, this article has nothing to do with them. This is for us sports watching guys.

We, unlike the fine ladies of the world, don’t have the option of wearing some borderline red lingerie outfit with devil horns and saying “I’m the devil” or some pseudo sports related “sexy referee” outfit…we must get more creative. So, we’ve culled together a few sports related costumes that you might want to see if you can use for your Halloween.

We love to help.

1) Travis Henry:
Simple costume to do, all you need is a Travis Henry Broncos jersey, 9 plastic baby dolls, and 1 gigantic rolled up joint in your mouth. The 9 baby dolls should be in a stroller, on your shoulder, head, cradled in your arm, attached to your tit, on your legs…all over because, where the hell you gonna keep 9 kids??

2) Roy Williams

Get yourself a Williams jersey, put a Pizza Hut button down over top of it, grab a pizza box and you’re all set. Just don’t expect any tips.

3) Derek Jeter
For the guy who doesn’t want to get laid that night, wear a Jeter jersey and add a huge ass cold sore on your face with some make up. Prepare for no female to talk to your Herpes ridden ass.

4) George Steinbrenner
Get yourself a white turtleneck, sport coat, and a white wig…walk around saying “Great to see ya, Tommy,” to everyone in the room.

5) Bill Belichick
Wear a hoodie and a headset, look real sour all the time and have a friend videotape everything that is going on across the bar/party for you.

6) Greg Oden
Get a tree costume…wear Oden’s jersey. DONE!

7) Bill Simmons
If all the above is too hard to do, just be Bill Simmons. To do this follow these steps: a) be white, very white; b) dress incredibly average in every way; c) be the most pompous and smug guy in the room; d) talk relentlessly about the Karate Kid, 90210, Boston sports teams and your friends no one cares about; e) try to give your book away, watch no one take it.

Any more suggestions?