Don’t believe him? Ask the Rolex-wearing Pope. Apparently Cantona gave it to him like an altar boy. Payback’s a bitch, your eminence.

You might remember Manchester United’s Eric “Ooh Aah” Cantona from such incidents as the infamous kung fu kick where he rushed into the crowd and dropkicked a Crystal Palace supporter in 1995.

Well 10 years later, people including two Dieters posing as journalists hadn’t forgiven Cantona for his actions. Let’s say he didn’t take it too well.

In an event that would mimic many of this author’s previous sexual encounters, both in brevity, and disappointment, we gathered around our idiot boxes Saturday night to witness the next step in the castration of UFC.  We were treated to the Fox Sports theme so commonly associated with the NFL; to Brock Lesnar in a suit that he probably hasn’t worn since he graduated from the University of Minnesota as an all-American wrestler. We were treated to people pretending to understand UFC. FOX was kind enough to display the rules just before the fight. We were treated to Curt Menefee pretending to give a damn about the UFC. We were treated to Dana White’s tired schtick about how every fight he promotes is so spectacular. We were treated to a shot of Alistair Overeem ringside, in a suit, and no preliminary fights but about 35 minutes of introduction to Junior Dos Santos, and Cain Velasquez. Finally, we were also treated to a fight that lasted only 64 seconds when Dos Santos caught Velasquez with an overhand right to the back of the head and finished him off in ground-and-pound. That’s not terrible; fight fans know that it can-and-does happen in the fight game; but why did we have to have all these ribbons and bows for this?

Read the rest of this entry

There is a school of thought, often associated with U.S. Supreme Court Justices Antonin Scalia, and Clarence Thomas, that the U.S. Constitution was a rigid document that only asks that we look to its text within the context of what our founding fathers intended. This notion is commonly referred to in legal circles as “intentionalism” or “originalism.”

Well, somebody slap a powdered wig on Dana White’s bald head and then put a quill pen into his nongrappling hand because the UFC has filed suit against the state of New York seeking access to the mecca of fight markets.

Work to guard and then sink in a gulliotine, FOX Sports:

Zuffa LLC, which owns the UFC, filed a lawsuit in US district court against New York Attorney General Eric Schneiderman and Manhattan District Attorney Cyrus Vance Jr. seeking a declaration that the ban violates the First Amendment.

Spokesmen for Schneiderman and Vance declined to comment.

The company was joined in the lawsuit by fans and a group of mixed martial arts fighters, who “have suffered, and will continue to suffer, irreparable harm” under the ban.

“Live professional MMA is clearly intended and understood as public entertainment and, as such, is expressive activity protected by the First Amendment,” the lawsuit said.

Gee, I asked to nobody in particular as I read this article. “Could this perhaps have anything to do with the recent partnership between UFC and FOX, whose parent company, NEWSCorp is headquartered in Manhattan? Turns out that the answer is “yes.”

The lawsuit comes as the sport is broadening its audience. In August, Fox Broadcasting Co. and the UFC entered into a seven-year deal that includes four fights a year on broadcast television and will pay the promoter at least $100 million annually. (The first fight aired Saturday, and, according to Fox, drew 5.7 million viewers.)

UFC, which hosts its fights inside a chain-link cage dubbed “The Octagon,” holds about 27 live events each year, according to the complaint.

UFC has wanted a crack at the NYC market for years and every time they go even remotely near NYC they hold a media day in the city.

The entire 105-page complaint can be read here…I mean if you’re into reading (nerd). The UFC lawsuit has names like Gina Carano, Jon “Bones” Jones, Frankie Edgar, and Matt Hamill attached to it. Fundamentally, the UFC is claiming that their right to artistic expression is being unlawfully suppressed by the N.Y. law, and that this right is manifested in the First Amendment freedom of expression.

More traditionally, the UFC also is asserting that the Due Process Clause of the 14th Amendment is being violated; which extends federal rights to all citizens; as well as the Commerce clause located in Article IV of the U.S. Constitution. Specifically, the Commerce clause protects the right of businesses to operate in other states absent a substantial reason for restricting that business. The bar proving a “substantial” reason is historically difficult though, like getting laid in high school.

Settlement negotiations have not yet begun but there is some speculation that White will offer to settle the dispute by a winner-take-all octagon match with N.Y. Attorney General Eric Schneiderman.

Sometimes I wish I didn’t live in a two bedroom condo in the city. If I had a basement rumpus room (or “Man-cave” as is the mot du présent) every empty space of it would be filled with used crap that I just bought at this ESPN Zone auction that is currently going on right here in Washington DC. You can bid on things online and the auctions start closing on November 16th but you probably have to show up here to Washington DC pick up your crap if you win it.

You absolutely must check out some of the stuff you could own from this joint. Its like you actually could finally own all the stuff that was in that kids’ house on Silver Spoons. Lets take a look at some of the more awesome stuff that could be in your basement or garage if ONLY you had the space for it.

Read the rest of this entry

Mark Cuban is a funny, smart, charming, and successful NBA owner. Most NBA fans wish they had a guy like Cuban running their team. Most NBA owners appreciate the attention (and revenue) he’s driven to the league. Most MLB owners, on the other hand, wish he would just go away. And so it goes with Mark Cuban’s efforts to infiltrate the Billionaire Boys Club known as Major League Baseball.

Anytime a MLB team gets put up for sale, ”media reports” link Cubes to the deal. First, it was the Pirates. Then the Cubs. Then the Rangers. Now, the Dodgers. As Cuban told some crappy off-shoot of ESPN:

“It all comes down to price… It’s important to have more than enough money to pay players and invest in the organization.”

At this point, one might think Bud would finally take pity on the guy, right? After all, if Cuban can transform the Dallas Mavericks from basement dwellers to regular playoff contenders to world champions, surely he deserves a shot at saving one of baseball’s greatest franchises?

Well, as my aunt used to say, “Dream on Alice, it’s a long way to Wonderland.”

Cuban, for all his success, is a loose cannon. Major League Baseball, much like THE NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE™, is not very quick to implement change or accept being held in derision. Their ownership is anything but progressive. Cuban is the exact opposite. This scares Bud. To wit:

On Cuban possibly buying the Cubs, according to MLB sources:

“There’s no way Bud and the owners are going to let that happen, zero chance.”

When Cuban sought ownership of the Rangers, the incumbent administration (read: MLB-backed bid) repeatedly lobbied to throw out Cuban’s bid, going as far to suggest if Cuban’s group won the auction for the team, there was only a “50-50 chance” MLB would approve the deal; thereby sending the asset back to bankruptcy court (and royally pissing off the team’s creditors). According to ESPN’s Jayson Stark, there would have been “significant opposition” to Cuban controlling the franchise.

Throughout these trials and tribulations, Cuban has said all the right things. He’s professed a willingness to step aside and allow baseball people to run the show. He’s intimated he’d be willing to spend the money necessary to field a competitive team.  As someone who cares about the “sanctity” of the game as much as anyone, I think he’d be an excellent addition — his commitment to winning and innovation would be more than welcome in a sport that is still afraid of instant replay.

Unfortunately, from field to front office, baseball is a game that moves incredibly slow, even more so when there’s money involved (which makes even more sense to bring in Cuban, a self-made billionaire). Allowing Cuban to own one of baseball’s crown jewels is a long shot at best, even at any price.