If the digital age has taught us anything its that athletes are complex individuals; often capable of trenchant, thought-provoking, musings over forums like Facebook, and especially Twitter.  Over…dong shots.  We can only wonder, then, why so many of them choose to employ publicists, agents, and armies of people to protect their precious images.

Rebound relationship and Cleveland Cavaliers rookie guard Kyrie Irving told police yesterday that a 24-year-old model and Bronx resident was harassing him via twitter.

Irving, 19, filed a harassment complaint against Jessica Jackson, a 24-year-old Bronx resident who he met on Twitter under the username @MissHawaii, police said.

The basketball star told police that Jackson, a model, contacted him via Twitter earlier today, violating the no contact order issued by West Orange Municipal Judge Margaret Pavovano on Tuesday.

According to the police report, Irving said he received “terroristic threats” from Jackson between March 22 and May 17. He filed a harassment complaint May 17.

Blacksportsonline is now reporting that Miss Hawaii, real name Jessica Jackson, may actually be a call girl (bow tie spins, eyes pop out of head).  She claims she has video of Kyrie flogging the bishop, too.  Wait, you mean to tell me that a professional athlete was associating with a person reportedly in the sex trade!?

The site also reports that Miss Hawaii sent a series of threatening messages to Irving, and even made comments about his deceased mother. I usually just ask them to walk me around like I’m a pony and put cigarettes out on my tongue.

Much like when I speak with my parents, spend time with my kids, or treat women like equals, it’s unusual for me to take in the NBA draft. Not when there are UFC fights to watch; or when the NFL Network is yakking away about the subjective 100 best players of 2011 were; and then criticizing their own list. But tonight, when my beloved Cleveland Cavaliers were going no. 1 overall, I figured I would clothespin my nose for Wilbon and company just to see who we picked up.

Kyrie Irving, welcome to Cleveland. Don’t welch on a dice game like other former Cleveland athletes.

Make me forget Lebron James, ESPN:

Three of the first six players taken were from Europe, capitalizing on the absence of some American college players who might have gone in their spots and made this a stronger draft. It was the first time four international players who didn’t play at a U.S. college were selected in the lottery.

Even Irving has international ties. He was born in Australia while his father, Drederick, played professionally there and said he might be interested in playing for the Australian national team.

I can’t even pronounce most of these names! This is America, people. Why isn’t Rick Perry running against Obamacare? (Downs whiskey, fires .45 into television set, passes out).

These days, it’s good to be Michael Wilbon of ESPN and formerly of the Washington Post. Michael Wilbon gets to talk sports for a living, and he enjoys some of the best access in the business.

Michael Wilbon loves to talk about his famous professional athlete friends, notably Charles Barkley, Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods, and Irvin “Magic” Johnson. Oh, you didn’t know Magic still went by Irvin? Well, Wilbon is so close that he refuses to call him Magic. Wilbon won’t criticize washed up QB Donovan McNabb either, no matter how many coaches give up on him, because they are good friends as well. Wilbon will sing the praises of the talented and flawed individuals because they gave him access during their playing days and because any relationship they have with him legitimizes the biases that Wilbon flaunts on a daily basis. Of course, while Wilbon is reticent to criticize his A-list birthday guests, he will still gladly take shots at others, including organizations, that have unpleasant dealings with his friends.

Wilbon also likes to use his blatant favoritism to try to appear fresh and contrarian. Take the latest example. Wilbon recently penned a column on ESPN.Com defending the much-ballyhooed “Decision” by All-world egomaniac LeBron James. Why? Well, because it brought interest back to the NBA.

Kick me in the groining hard, and don’t stop until I either pass out from the pain or utter the safe word, ESPN:

“The Decision” was roundly criticized by virtually everybody, but it was exactly — flaws and all — what the NBA needed. People who didn’t have a strong opinion of James either way suddenly had them. Nobody seemed to straddle the line anymore. You liked him or hated him, liked or hated the Heat, and you could not or did not look away.

Oh, really? Michael Griffin in LA, Derrick Rose in Chicago, Kevin Durant and the Oklahoma City Thunder’s improbable run, and ‘Melo’s trade to the Knicks, all played a role. So did the Lakers’ constant sniping.

As for hatred for LeBron, that didn’t just appear out of thin air one morning at your Scottsdale mansion, Wilbon. Out here in D.C. LeBron hate was real for three seasons when the CAVS sent the Wizards home each postseason meeting. Out in Detroit, hatred for the Cavaliers, and especially LeBron was bubbling over when they came back to defeat the Pistons en route to the NBA finals in 2007. The Boston Celtics, and particularly Paul Pierce have hated LeBron since his AAU days. The Orlando Magic hated LeBron too, for his classless gesture after being defeated in 2008.

One more, and then I really do need to go:

And television isn’t the only place where increased interest in the NBA is reflected. NBA.com reports that page views are up 40 percent over last season, video streams are up 130 percent and NBA mobile downloads are up 75 percent. Traffic to NBA content on ESPN.com has increased dramatically as well, with some categories approaching triple-digit increases. If it’s too soon to say the NBA is in the middle of a full-fledged renaissance, at the very least the league has seen a resurgence, probably even an explosion.

And it’s entirely because of LeBron James.

The Heat drew fan attention because it’s a team of two of the best players in the league, and a third player who is in the top 15. LeBron could have faxed his notice and the interest would have still been huge. Also, there was just a lot of entertaining ball this season; the league has a few new stars and has finally moved beyond just marketing Kobe and LeBron.

Whenever I see Wilbon on PTI I think about what a chubby little shit he must have been growing up in Chicago. I think about how he probably didn’t have many friends, and how in gym class he hung from the chin up bar with his gut tumbling out and his arms aching as everybody laughed him trying to do a single pull up out. Too bad my time machine is busted or I would totally go back in time and pay some children to kick his ass.

Washington Wizards rookie point guard John Wall is one smooth customer.  He is in the middle of answering a reporter’s question when someone dares to rip a fart right in front of him.  While he does pause mid-sentence for a brief second, he keeps going with the answer with only a mild smirk entering his face.  Definition of smooth, yes?  Check it:

Like silk.  This kid is going to be a superstar if he keeps his cool like that.  Oh wait…whats that?  He doesn’t always keep his cool you say?  Well dang. There goes that.

Last night the Heat beat the Bucks in Milwaukee by 10, 88-78.  Before the game, LeBron James was asked if he can relate to Brett Favre because he too is hated by the team, city and/or state where he once played. LeBron’s answer was…typical LeBron.

“Brett (had) great years here in Green Bay, and any time a great competitor like that leaves, no one wants to see that, but they’ve done a great job of regrouping with Aaron Rodgers and I believe that Cleveland will do the same,” James said.

Thats our Bron Bron!  He was asked if he could relate and he said “any time a great competitor like that leaves, no one wants to see that”.  Sure no town wants to see their best player leave town, but c’mon the two situations and how they both went down were a little different.

Brett Favre, for all the crap he gets for what he’s done lately, did actually win a championship in Green Bay, a city as far from his hometown as can be. Also, Favre left town after being there for the vast majority of his career, winning said championship, waffling on retirement then essentially getting pushed out the door because the GM wanted to play his young backup quarterback who was going to split town if he didn’t get the chance to start over the old man that he was (and is) CLEARLY better than at this point in both their careers.

LeBron, on the other hand, left his hometown (or real close to it at least) in the prime of his career, without winning a single championship, to go play with his friends.  Meanwhile, his former team was left with a shell of a non-competitive roster in place and is facing the lottery for the conceivable future since their entire team is made up of players meant to compliment a player whom is no longer there…LeBron.

Sure, Cleveland will get over it just as fast as Green Bay!  Its totally the same situation! You are basically the black Brett Favre!

Well, come to think of it, while the situations for their departures from their former teams were different, the players themselves are kinda similar.  Both of them have to be in the top ten list of most selfish players in their respective sports, both of them whine a ton on their playing fields, and both of them are probably some of the most narcissistic and non-self aware people on the planet.

He might just be Black Brett Favre.  When do the Wrangler commercials start airing?