Apparently a super injunction can’t cover up the super injection Manchester United’s Ryan Giggs gave reality show never-was Imogen Thomas. That line should get me a job with US Weekly, People Magazine or any British newspaper. I’ll let the good people of Taiwan explain instead of torturing you with more tabloid-ready copy.
You can’t keep a good ho down especially on her birthday. What does a ho eat on her special day? Hoecakes of course! Jenny “Juici” Thompson, known only for servicing Wayne Rooney for money, celebrated her birthday with a cake commemorating their hotel rendezvous with her friend Helen Wood.
The cake came complete with champagne bottles and cash. Thompson, sorry Juici, loved the cake especially the marzipan Shrek head.
A party attendee said,
“It’s a shame there were no footballers at the party – that would have been the icing on the cake. But Jen had a great night. She looked amazing in a low-cut dress and had dyed her hair red for the occasion.”
Silly customer. He or she should know the footballers only come at the end of the night when hoes are involved. Why would they show up until it’s time for some action? There’s no reason to be around her when she’s off the clock.
Chelsea’s Didier Drogba was not about to be outdone by Shrek. His birthday/ho cake also came with some ladies on it. Since he keeps it classy, it was presented to him by three topless models. Dom Perignon, Cristal and Grey Goose flowed down an ice luge and kept everyone properly lubricated. The models ended up at Ashley Cole’s table so you know lubrication was the word of the night. Just don’t ask him to spell it.
The Sun also reports that Everton’s Jack Rodwell (strong porn name) is attemting to woo Juici by texting her naked pictures of himself. Dude, you’re doing it wrong. She’s a prostitute. Then again maybe he’s old school and wants to court her before he leaves the money on the cabinet after asking her to dress up like a schoolgirl and wear a wig like Fellaini’s. That gets him ready to roast.
** You gotta love our dated references. Since we referenced it, here’s your morning musical interlude.
Who’s got next? It’s one thing when Willie Mays goes flying into the wall to make a catch. It’s another when Paul Scholes wildly slides into the ivy and breaks his leg trying to make a tackle (or take someone’s knee out depending how you look at it).
The Chicago Tribune is reporting that talks are underway for Manchester United to play a match at Wrigley Field this summer during their American tour. United’s shirt sponsor AON is based in Chicago (getting ‘Nam-like flashbacks to working in that building).
One soccer source told us “the game is currently on the 1-yard line with 99 yards to go. But it is a definite possibility.”
Wrong kind of football, source.
Northwestern and Illinois were forced to play one way due to the ivy walls being too close to the end zone. The technology doesn’t exist to spin the field like in NCAA 2011. It probably does but the Pentagon isn’t going to give it up.
It would be interesting to see if they can pull it off but the college football experiment this fall wasn’t that great. Fans were too far away from the field of play. The proximity of the outfield wall changed the complexion of the game. Maybe it was different for people at the game but viewing it on TV became old fast. Then again sitting on a rooftop watching a Cubs game across the street is something every baseball fan should experience at least once in their life. Watching soccer with kegs … Oh sweet Old Style.
If United plays someone other than the Fire, the game should be at Soldier Field. However if they’re playing the Fire, meh. They could play in Lincoln Park.
“Soccer style football legend, UK captain of the national team and the Manchester Red Devils Raoul Ferdinand” is pushing SoccerXizer machines here in the US. You won’t normally find us giving props to anything Manchester United related but this is brilliant.
Jack Spade said it best in the video for Boogie Down Productions’ Jack of Spades. “That’s my theme music. Every good hero should have some”. Javier Hernandez also known as Chicharito or Lil’ Pea is quickly becoming a legend to Manchester United fans after saving the team with his last-minute heroics in several games.
This is bullshit. Everyone’s getting their own theme song. Big Daddy Kane has one. Everyone at the Deuce needs their own music. I’m calling Mannie Fresh to come up with the most ignorant shit that’ll make your head bounce. “M period Fresh comma, yo wife is my baby mama”? Fucking genius.