You know times are ill when you can’t score in Bangkok. Tiger Woods lost his number one ranking to Lee Westwood. He then flamed out of the appropriately named World Golf Salutes King Bhumibol Skins Tournament in Thailand the following week finishing last out of four. He should have rolled with Gary Glitter. He can bag a win anywhere in southeast Asia.
Tiger is now off to Australia where he’ll compete in the Australian Masters, the last tournament he won before he went to town on Perkins and caught a golf club upside the head. Tournament officials are warning spectators that they shouldn’t heckle him about his “troubles”. We assume they’re talking about his standards. He should be thoroughly mocked for them. Fans will receive one warning before being ejected if they start trouble. In other words, make the first taunt count.
100,000 fans are expected over the course of the tournament. Now we expect that someone can come up with something good to rattle Tiger. We challenge anyone in attendance to one up this kangaroo.
Imagine if he did this in front of Tiger instead of Rory Sabbatini? Genius. In the words of Homer Simpson, “It works on so many levels”
Although Tiger will be protected, spectators will be permitted to berate Sergio Garcia at will until he cries.
The PGA Tour could take a few lessons from the European Tour. The first is to embrace John Daly no matter what. The second is to challenge its top players to make ridiculous shots in random locations.
The PGA should do the same with its top golfers. Imagine Tiger Woods, Phil Mickelson and John Daly being forced to hit random shots in places like Hoover Dam, Death Valley, a WV strip mine, the Bunny Ranch, Somalia, etc. They should be allowed to bet on the shots as well as drink while they’re playing. Guaranteed ratings killer no matter how bad Tiger does during tournaments.
If you thought that Tiger Wood’s female troubles weren’t going to have an impact on the sales of all things Tiger, look no further than with his video game. Copies of EA Sports “Tiger Woods PGA Tour 11″ were down…WAY DOWN. According to Destructiod:
According to GamesIndustry.biz, sales were down 68% year-over-year across all platforms, but the drop for the Wii version was the most precipitous at 86%; with some simple math, that comes out to a meager 38,100 sales in June 2010 versus 272,400 in June 2009.
Wow that is HUUUUGE. Don’t think Nike and any other company using Tiger’s likeness to sell their shit isn’t paying attention to this. Makes one wonder where Nike’s Tiger apparel sales are currently as compared to a year or two ago.
I’m betting they aren’t nearly as good. I mean who wants to be caught rollin’ around town decked out in Tiger’s gear. Even if you fashioned yourself as a bit of player, if you’re wearing that gear you have got to be radioactive to women. There will be a fallout zone of at least 5 feet around you for sure.
No wonder he’s not winning anything right now.
ed. note: Yes, i do know the headline is using horrific grammar. It is supposed to be horrific.
So there I was dodging dingos with a Mini up my ass and I said, “Hey, what am I doing at this race track?”
An auto race in Brisbane, Australia went even further down under when two cars clipped and one flipped into the crowd. Spectators had to run for safety after it went over the safety rail and into the crowd.
Only two people were hit by the car and neither suffered life-threatening injuries. Both should recover in time to be attacked by one of ten of the most poisonous snakes in the world or a randy kangaroo.
If the horny kangaroo doesn’t finish the job, the boxing one will get all Oz on that ass.