Many of you probably didn’t know this, but MMA expert Turd Ferguson is also a political junkie.  It’s what he uses to relax when he needs to come down off his workout sessions with fellow Fight Club members.  Just don’t ask him about them.

From boxing legend Muhammad Ali to boxing sideshow Mike Tyson, fighters of both the sweet science and the octagon have long been entrusted with the freedom to say things that would would be frowned upon and even punished in other professional sports leagues (ahem, NFL), and not in a good way (like when you pick up a stray on West Hollywood with promises of showbiz fame).

Since UFC President Dana White puts his foot in his mouth as much as his roster (or maybe Rex Ryan) it is only fitting that he allows most of these comments to go unchecked.

Exhibit A: Recently, Jacob Volkmann, fresh off of a victory at UFC 125 over Antonio McKee, did not let the opportunity to level threats against his nation’s leader go to waste. In addition to combat sports, Volkmann is also a former fellow at the Heritage Foundation, or rather, he just wants to threaten a man who leads the most powerful military in the world. Ever.

Mr. Volkmann will now have 60 seconds to respond to the question:

“I went out there and the guy introduced himself and said he was from the Secret Service and he wanted to ask me some questions about UFC 125 and my quote. He said there were people calling in to D.C. telling them that somebody, me, was threatening the President.”

The Secret Service, which is sort of the D.C. version of the Crips, Bloods, MS-13, and the Westies all rolled into “The Expendables.”

“People were misunderstanding the point of view I was going for with the health care plan. That’s why they were getting so upset. I’m thinking about the provider, I’m a chiropractor, so I’m thinking about my point of view, not everyone getting insurance. They don’t have to worry about getting denied, which is good I guess, just not good for health care providers,” said Volkmann.

Volkmann’s definitely got more than a few supporters, including fellow-UFC fighter Brock Lesnar. I think the Republicans have their ticket!  Volkmann-Lesnar in ’12!!!!

That’s what the Jets have to say to anyone who wants to name dishes after the team.

The team set their spokeswoman on Prime KO Japanese Steakhouse after they found out the kosher restaurant was serving dishes with names like “Green on Green Jets Salad” and “Jets Dragon Roll”.

Jets spokeswoman Jessica Ciccone called Prime KO Japanese Steakhouse at 217 W. 85th St. a few weeks ago to complain the gourmet Gang Green fare wasn’t authorized by the team.

“We were really shocked,” said restaurant spokesman Steven Traube. “I think she was just being spiteful.”

So far the restaurant is holding its ground. They added a “Jets latke” for Hanukkah. Can’t wait to see what they add for Kwanzaa. Something with a poached egg called Revis Island perhaps.

They might have better luck naming dishes after players. They could have a tasting menu and name all the dishes after Antonio Cromartie’s kids. Customers can get it at a reduced rate if they can name his kids faster than he could on Hard Knocks. Ordering the “Rex Ryan” could mean getting the whole menu. I’d suggest a dish named after Braylon Edwards but the wait staff would always drop it before it ever got to the table.

Reading Between the Headlines

You may not have noticed, but the Summer of 2010 was pretty good to the Deuce.  Flush with blogger money and ready to reward myself for a summer of besmirching the legend of Tony Reali, I finally decided to ante up for the Red Zone Package, which at $6.99 month was a bit pricey (remember, we’re talking blogger dollars here, ok?) but hey, when Sports Illustrated links to your article about being old, I think it’s time to celebrate, right?  Well, that and I split it with a roommate.  So really, it’s like $4 a month (hey, this ain’t Deadspin). Read the rest of this entry

Reading Between the Headlines

The return of football season brings back to focus a lot of things, but most notably, the blustery sportscaster.  For some odd reason, FOOTBALL may only be announced in LOUD VOICES by GUYS who speak in run-on sentences while GRUNTING.  While I love football, I’m not sure I can take another season of Chris Berman gesticulating his way through a stream of highlights or Jon Gruden speaking in coach talk for an entire season.  There’s got to be someone better.  Nevermind.

And one other thing: Berman, I don’t normally like you, but for one reason or another, the moustache looks oddly right.  Bonus points for helping kill an emerging hipster trend.  On to this very special football-only edition of headlines:

Rex Ryan Loves His Snacks

Hard Knocks on HBO this season has been amazing from the start and this clip from the show is no different. It might even be one of the best endings to a pep talk ever in the history of endings to pep talks. Why? Well because of snacks of course. Who the fuck doesn’t want to eat a snack after getting pepped up? I know I do. Stick around til the end, its just randomness.