If you’ve watched sports long enough, you start to realize that the actors are cyclical: good for awhile, then bad, and then maybe good again.  One of the greatest things about sports is that if you’re talented, no matter how old, how ugly, or how many Perkins waitresses you’ve slept with, someone will have room for you.  For some people, like Tiger, you have a hard time reconciling their return.  Admitted philanderer, accused drug abuser, Subway chicken-wrap purchaser, there’s a lot to temper the excitement.  For people like the D-Train, you just hope it’s for real.  On to this week’s headlines.
If people my father’s age are doing anything remotely competitive and beating competition that is half their age, I’m pulling for them.  Partially, because I don’t think I’ve heard Fred Couples’ name since I was in high school.  Which always makes me wonder: since sports are so cyclical, does that mean certain other trends will come back?  If Fred Couples wins the Masters, and the Yankees are World Series Champions, does that make stuff from 1998 cool again?  Like Creed?  Wait — too much?  Yeah, thought so.  Still going to wear old cargo shorts, though.
  • After Duke won Monday’s National Championship game, Jon Scheyer played a prank on a friend by posting his friend’s phone number on twitter.
You just reached the pinnacle of your short life and the first thing you want to do is play a joke on your buddy?  And he used the word “Hollllerrr.”  What are you, 12?  Why don’t you be a real man and tweet Kenyon Martin’s number then see what happens.
Brad Stevens is the only 33 year-old in America that has twelve years worth of job security.  That, and the fact that he looks like he gets carded to buy beer makes everyone born from 1975-1980 hate him.  Which brings me to this point: When I was in school and heard about people in their 20′s getting General Manager positions or writing best-selling books, I was always able to rationalize those stories internally: ”Well, I’m only 20, so when I turn 28, I could be General Manager of the Boston Red Sox, I’ve got eight years!”  And so on and so forth… Now that people roughly my age or younger are getting these jobs, I’ve had to find a new way rationalize my envy: blame nepotism.
Similarly, Tommy Ryans, 22, became the third youngest undergrad in FSU history to drink 5,000 beers in a full school-year.

What’s the Guinness World Record for number of people wearing “blankies” getting punched in the groin?  43,510 ?  Because I’d like to try to break that record.

Later that day, Pirates exec Neil Huntington complained to the media that they just can’t compete with these cash-cow mid-level market teams.  He also added that for $30M, the Brewers could have bought the entire Pittsburgh organization, including Heinz Field.  Gallardo will still make less than Jeff Suppan, he of the 7-12 record and 5.29 ERA last year.  That’s savvy contract negotiating!
Dude, don’t you know?  Chicks dig the long ball.

Enjoy the weekend, I’m going to be running stairs with Maddux and Glavine…

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