If there’s one thing Gilbert Gottfried can do besides kill on Bob Saget’s roast, it’s play a crooked record company executive. It’s not a stretch to think that he could play a boxing promoter or manager. HBO should have called him, MC Serch, Prime Minister Pete Nice and Don Newkirk out of retirement to help them make their latest boxing announcement.

HBO is officially out of the heavyweight boxing business due to the lack of competition.

Ross Greenburg, HBO sports president said on Wednesday that it was down to the paucity of credible American heavyweights.

“’We’re out of the heavyweight division. There isn’t any interest in the US and no one besides Haye to challenge the Klitschkos.”

Greenburg is stating what most boxing fans have been saying for years. The heavyweight division has been in decline since the fall of Mike Tyson. Evander Holyfield was a warrior but not on the same level as Tyson in his prime. He’s still fighting even though he’s a shell of his former self. He’s a joke at this point.

Lennox Lewis, in the words of Clubber Lang, was a “paper champion”. He fought a broken Tyson and cowardly retired so he wouldn’t have to accept a rematch against Vitaly Klitschko who was beating his ass before the fight was stopped due to a vicious cut over the Ukranian’s eye.

The best fights these days are in the lower divisions where younger and hungrier fighters thrive. No one is interested in watching a tomato can like John Ruiz fight another overweight chump for some random belt. The Klitschko brothers are a huge draw in Europe but most Americans aren’t interested in them.

One can find numerous reasons for the heavyweight division’s current predicament. The move from free to pay-per-view TV and Don King are a good start.

Promoter Bob Arum says it is about the characters. “If the heavyweight champion of the world was LeBron James or Michael Jordan, heavyweight boxing would be flying high,” he told Telegraph Sport.

Historian Bert Sugar concurs. “The problem is they can earn ten times the money and these days the big guys are scared of being hit,” added Sugar.

Sugar and other boxing experts claim Haye could make it in the US but he would have to beat the Klitschkos then fight over here. There seems to be little chance of that happening. He talks plenty of shit but continues to run from both brothers. Would he be able to save the division even if he came to the US after beating a Klitschko? Who would he fight? No one’s interested in any American heavyweight currently out there. It won’t be long until Butterbean and Oliver McCall get another shot at legitimacy.

HBO should just stick with the lower divisions until another maladjusted kid comes around to send opponents to Bolivian then eat their children like Tyson. Until then, heavyweights can take a seat next to MC Hammer and PW Botha.

Ah the hell with it. Here you go. Enjoy.

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