Same sex marriage soon to be legal in DC? Talks to start the Giro d’Italia in DC. Coincidence? We think not!

We see that confused look on your face. You have no idea what the Giro d’Italia is, do you? It’s not an Italian gyro although that sounds damn good. It’s a “premier” European bike race. For some reason, DC mayor Adrian Fenty is pushing to have the race start in DC before heading to Europe. We can’t wait for the Atlantic Ocean leg. There’s also controversy about the race on the other side of the pond.

The Green Left, a Dutch political party, wants the first leg of the race to end with gay men kissing the stage winner instead of women who traditionally handle the duty.

“It should be possible for gay men to celebrate with the winner,” said Fjodor Molenaar, an alderman from the Green Left party, which is part of the city’s governing coalition. One rider in 10 is gay, he said.

The idea has traction in Amsterdam but not with Dutch television executives who are organzing the festivities.

“I don’t even think the race participants want to be kissed by men,” [Albert] van der Meulen said.

A beauty contest is being held to see who wins the honor of kissing the stage winner. Most of the entrants are women but three gay men have entered as well. Amsterdam’s city government will back whoever wins the contest.

Does it matter who kisses the winner? Obviously it matters to some riders but it doesn’t matter to others. Organizers could ask the riders which they prefer but that’s not interesting. The Deuce has a solution that may work for both sides of the debate.

Look to Monty Hall and Wayne Brady. Make it interesting for the athletes and spectators. Do it Let’s Make A Deal style. Have three curtains at the finish. One would hide gay men, another women and the last a chimp or some other animal. The winner has to pick one and kiss whatever’s behind the curtain. It could work out perfectly or he could get screwed. A gay rider has just as much chance of winning or losing as does the straight rider. Viewers can place bets on stage winners as well as what’s behind the curtains. Maybe riders could bet their winnings on the curtains as well. Brady could sing something like this to the winner. Bet the Dutch love that Wayne Brady more than this one. Problem solved.

We’re also available to help solve inter-ethnic conflicts and territorial disputes.

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