If you’re anything like the average American, you haven’t had a day off in a quite awhile. President’s Day was the last “official holiday,” but that one sucks because a) not many people get that day off, and b) it’s smack-dab in the middle of February — quite possibly the worst month of the year. The next respite might come in the form of Memorial Day, which is a) about four weeks away, and b) is traditionally a weekend reserved for weddings and/or mattress sales. If that wasn’t enough, your allergies are probably killing you as it’s been raining for what seems like four out of every five days. Well, the Deuce feels your pain. We’re right there with you. And you aren’t the only ones who could use a break. Here are five athletes/coaches that feel your pain:

1. Derek Jeter: After spending an entire winter seething over the way the Yankees dealt with his free agency, Jeter spent Spring Training dodging questions about his new swing and pay cut. One month into the season, Jeter’s hitting a paltry .242 with a Juan Pierre-esque .263 slugging percentage. His teammates are lapping him in most offensive categories as his arch nemesis, Alex Rodriguez, is enjoying somewhat of a comeback season. Jeter’s also hasn’t homered in his last 350+ plate appearances and there are stirrings that he will be dropped in the lineup. Granted, he’s going home to Minka with $17M a year, but for a guy who prides himself on being the best, the calls will only be louder for him to consider hanging it up should his struggles continue.

2. Bruce Boudreau: Down 0-2 and headed on the road, the Washington Capitals coach could be manning his last few games behind the bench. Sure, things were swell when the Caps knocked off the Rangers in five, but losing two straight games at home as the number 1 seed against a 41 year-old journeyman goalie with a sub-.500 career record doesn’t bode well for a team that has become perennial playoff doormats. An 0-2 deficit is hardly a death sentence in the NHL, but a continued failure on the power play (0-11 in the series so far) and repeated elementary mistakes like bad line changes merits a changing of the guard if the Caps lose this series.

If the Caps lose... Well, in the words of the Hawk: he gone.

3. Atlanta Braves: Picked by many to make the playoffs this season, the Braves’ 2011 campaign held a lot of promise. Thirty-plus days into the season, well, things fall apart. As of last night, the team was below .500 and five games out of first place. Pitching coach Roger McDowell, doing all he can to destroy the credibility he earned for his “Seinfeld” cameo, was just suspended two weeks for making a homophobic ass out of himself. Derek Lowe was so excited for “Fast and the Furious 5,” he decided to get loaded and do a little Tokyo Drifting of his own, much to the chagrin of the local po-po. Dan Uggla is off to a rough start, hitting .194. Things are looking up, however: manager Fredi Gonzalez has finally come to his senses and is no longer batting Jason Heyward sixth.

4. Jimmy Clausen: Last year, Clausen was a draft day steal. Coming to a team with a 20-12 record from ’08-’09 that had practically dumped all reasonable QB competition (if you can call Jake Delhomme “reasonable competition”), Clausen was basically handed the starting job. Well, to say he struggled was an understatement: so much so that the three-win Panthers drafted the unproven and intangible-challenged Cam Newton at number one overall just 365 days later. Adding insult to injury, Cam also happens to wear Jimmy’s beloved #2. When asked if he would give it up for the ballyhooed Heisman winner, Clausen seemed insulted. Judging by how Clausen played last year, we’d advise Cam to hold out on giving the kid anything. Not that dad Cecil Newton needs any negotiating help, anyway…

5. Mark “The Machine” Hominick: I don’t like to traverse into other people’s playpens, but seriously, this dude looks like how I felt the morning after my 21st birthday. The next time you think your job sucks, the cost of gas is too high, your friends are lame, or wondering why Erin Andrews was in town but wouldn’t return your calls, well, it could always be worse:

Young Washington National, Bryce Harper, played in his first simulated game against real major leaguers yesterday afternoon and do you want to guess how he fared in his two at bats?  Well he struck out twice.  Disappointing?  Totally! Surprising?  Not in the least.

It just can’t be surprising if you’ve followed sports in this town for the last twenty years.  DC has been full of young athletes with promise that only serve to let us down over and over again.  We have had several high draft picks or young phenoms that have come into this town and failed, sometimes in spectacular fashion.  DC might actually be one of the worst cities in all of sports in terms of positively assisting in a young athlete’s growth.

Plus, he’s super young (big strike against him), he’s super confident (can he handle not having immediate success), and he’s super inexperienced (can he handle injuries, can he handle the life in the big city, can he handle his money). The odds really are stacked against this kid unless the stars align.

The stars rarely align in DC however. If history is our guide, Harper will be yet another huge disappointment. So let’s look at a brief history of the other highly touted disappointments DC has had, at least in recent memory:

Stephen Strasburg

Ok, so sure, its a little early to judge the whole career of this kid but c’mon, he blew out his arm in his first taste of the majors.  That is a huge disappointment.  Especially from a pitcher who can only be compared to the likes of Doc Gooden, who never took care of his body and in fact abused it to hell with drugs and partying but still managed to avoid Tommy John surgery his entire career.  This city named the day that Strasburg pitched “Strasmas!” for crying out loud. What a huge disappointment that in his FIRST YEAR he blew out his arm.

Sure he could recover from it and be as good or even better than what he was those first few starts he had for the Nationals.  On the other hand, he couldn’t.  Knowing DC superstar disappointment history…he probably won’t. As of right now, this whole city is disappointed that Livan Hernandez will be tossing out the first pitch on opening day instead of Strasburg.

Alexander Ovechkin

This guy was supposed to be a combination of Wayne Gretzky and Mario Lemieux with a dash of pre-concussion Eric Lindros in there.  A big guy, unafraid to mix it up, who was agile, fast and an unstoppable scorer.  He was supposed to be the best. For a little while, there might’ve been an argument that he was the best, this year however, he isn’t even close.

With 24 goals in 63 games, Sidney Crosby is STILL ahead of him even though he’s been out with a concussion for what seems like half the year.

This isn’t even the real problem with Ovechkin however.  All of this season stats could just be a massive, season-long slump. A blip on the career of an incredible player.  Its way too early to tell.  The real problem with Ovechkin is that he has never won anything, anywhere.

Great players are supposed to elevate the talent around them…or at least win a championship at some point.  That Ovechkin hasn’t been able to do that yet, despite teams full of massive talent and promise, is INCREDIBLY disappointing. Read the rest of this entry

The Penguins Brent Johnson took on the Islanders’ Rick DiPietro in a goalie fight last night and it was a special moment as always. It was especially special since the fight consisted of just one punch. Yes, one punch. Well, a one punch TKO.  Not so tough now goalieboy, huh?

I love the half hearted attempt at stopping the fight from starting by the ref. That was WWE quality showmanship there on his part. Penguins not only won the fight, they won the game 3-0.

We don’t write a lot about hockey here at the Deuce, but when you see a story as dumb as this, it deserves degradation. Ron Wilson, in the midst of a terrible season with the Toronto Maple Leafs, put $600 “on the board” for the player who scored the game-winning goal in Tuesday night’s game.  Why $600?  Well, Wilson was attempting to win his 600th game, becoming only the 6th coach in NHL history to do so. Read the rest of this entry

It’s not a love of Campbell’s Soup or the ability to do the triple lindy on command.

Insult was added to injury when the Islanders visited several Long Island hospitals last Tuesday. They can barely buy a win and their fans have had all they can stands and they can’t stands no more.

“We were visiting sick kids and giving them gifts,” defenseman James Wisniewski said, “and one of the nurses there was really pretty rude to me, Doug Weight and Andy MacDonald. She’s a season-ticket holder and saying, ‘Nobody wants to go to your games; you’ve been giving tickets away for free.’

“It was kind of like, with that first comment, it’s, ‘Whoa.’ And then the second and third, it’s to the point where we kind of had to walk away.”

Rodney Dangerfield and Donovan McNabb feel their pain. Maybe the Islanders can form a “No respect” support group with McNabb and Pauly Shore.