Not only are we going to Cheshire … we’re going to Manchester and Madrid and Los Angeles and Milan and South Africa, and we’re going back to California and London. And then we’re going to Westminster Abbey to take back the Royal Wedding. Yeah!
David Beckham’s inaugural game for the LA Galaxy was a garish scene. Cameras flashing. Celebrities milling about the stadium. Little girls screaming. Chelsea fans (including myself) loudly questioning Posh’s love of anal and screaming at him every time he came near our section. His scowls warmed our hearts. Goldenballs’ American future was so bright. He was single-handedly going to fill the Galaxy’s trophy cabinet with silverware as well as boost the profile of the MLS. His wife would become a Hollywood A-lister. Years later, the cabinet has more in common with Arsenal’s and his wife is better known for looking like Skeletor than having a successful music or television career. How’s the MLS doing? Growing every year no thanks to him. Since he’s not needed, he’ll be off again.
The Mirror reports that the Galaxy have given Beckham permission to attend the Royal Wedding. It will take place during the regular MLS season and 48 hours before they play FC Dallas (dumbest name in MLS until Real Salt Lake and Sporting Kansas City). He intends to return in time for the game. The reasoning besides his friendship with Prince William? It’s an “amazing British royal event”. I can just imagine Bruce Arena saying that like Billy Bush then throwing it to some chickenhead entertainment reporter for the whole scoop.
Beckham may have helped the Galaxy sell a few more shirts and tickets but that’s about it. It seems as though he spends more time worrying about his non-existent England chances and playing for teams in Europe during the off-season. At least he didn’t come back injured from his time with Spurs. He didn’t do much for them either except buy them pies and mash on the way out.
The Galaxy were wise not to allow Beckham to play any games for Spurs. He’s not getting any younger and playing constantly doesn’t do him or the team any favors. His last stint with AC Milan ended up with him being out for months. His first priority should be the team that sorts his direct deposit. If he wants to leave at the end of his deal, that’s his prerogative.
No one questions Beckham’s work ethic and taking off for a wedding isn’t the worst thing ever but there is something to be said for perception. It’s understandable why many Galaxy fans are fed up with him. It would behoove him to put his head down and fully commit to the team’s cause for a whole season without always thinking about his next move or appearing to put the cause second or third to outside interests.
Last time we saw Newcastle owner Mike Ashley, he was tearing up Pink Elephant and buying 175 bottles of Cristal while Rome burned. Now fans are giving him a hard time for selling striker Andy Carroll to Liverpool. They need to back up off him like Ed Lover and Dr. Dre. The man has issues.
Newcastle managed to take Liverpool for £35M in exchange for Carroll. One would think the Scousers would have seen it coming considering how robbery is their forte. No way he’s worth that amount despite that being what the market will bear.
Carroll claimed he was forced out. Of course he could have refused to sign a new contract but everyone knows he’s full of shit like Harry Redknapp. He should be happy. He’s now in a city that embraces a criminal like him. Meanwhile Newcastle fans are left holding the team’s official calendar which features Liverpool’s newest striker as Mr. February.
That’s not the worst of it. Newcastle supporters should know better if they think Ashley is going to reinvest the proceeds from the Carroll sale. He would have bought another striker to replace him before the transfer window closed. He’s got more important things to do like lose nearly £1M playing craps.
The Newcastle United owner blew the cash on a night out with team manager Alan Pardew.
At first he hit a winning streak and was soon up £130,000.
Then his luck turned and after two hours’ further play at the craps table he was down an eye-watering £970,000.
Apparently Ashley didn’t care. He still has £889M to lose and he’ll get a decent payout from balloon payments when Newcastle gets relegated again. What’s the lesson here? Alan Pardew makes everything he touches a loser. Somewhere Chris Hughton is laughing.
Seriously, Ashley is going to ruin the club he claims to love through idiotic decisions. For all the talk about Liverpool’s ownership issues, Newcastle has the most to worry about over the rest of the season and into the next. He fired Hughton who brought the team back to the Premier League and had them playing well. He replaced him with a manager who is a perennial loser and was fired from a lower league job because he couldn’t get it done there. He can’t be trusted to buy players who would help the team long or short term. It’s a recipe for disaster.
Where my dogs at? Not in Warrington if they can help it. Joel Monaghan just moved to town and he’s looking for some service.
You might remember Monaghan from such episodes as getting his dick sucked by a dog and filming it. He quit playing for his Canberra team and hid for two months while avoiding the internet and newspapers.
It was a slightly surreal interview today as in the background Lee Briers, who remains in denial of his role as one of Warrington’s elder statesmen, was barking at regular intervals, and later wondered aloud why the club’s media officers had not played Who Let the Dogs Out before Monaghan’s press conference.
Monaghan has another thing coming if he thinks that it’s going to be any easier for him. He scored a try in his first game this past weekend. No idea how he did with the local dogs afterwards. However if he wants to score with the dogs, we hear Newcastle is the place to go. Hope his pick up lines are better than DMX’s.
If you know or have audio of any Leigh songs referring to Monaghan, pass them along.
“Like to thank the fans who booed me off the pitch. Where’s that going to get you! I hope you all die.”
Guess who tweeted that. If you guessed Chris Brown, you’re wrong. No homophobic references or threats to beat up women. Ronnie Turiaf or Matt Barnes? Nope. Obviously not referring to a Twitter prostitute who they want to shut up because she’s bragging about sucking them off. However you’re getting close. It is an athlete. Oh wait, the picture and post title probably gave it away.
Marvin Morgan just joined the pantheon of athletes who screwed themselves by going overboard on Twitter. He was booed off the pitch after being substituted in a match against Hereford on Monday. He responded on Twitter with the message above and his team, League Two’s Aldershot dropped the bomb on him.
Morgan was suspended, fined two weeks’ salary and put on the transfer list. The club’s statement reads as follows:
“The player accepted that his conduct was totally misguided and inappropriate and he accepts that his actions were incorrect and ill disciplined.
“Accepting that his actions had been foolish he explained that they had been made in the heat of the moment and apologised for the distress he had caused.
“The football club are satisfied that the player meant no malice with his comments. However they were completely irresponsible and contrary to the values of Aldershot Town Football Club. The player has also undermined the good work that he and his colleagues have done servicing the local community.
“The club is also of the opinion that careful consideration is required for all future use of social networking sites by players and staff as a means of communication.
“The hearing decided to fine the player the maximum two weeks’ penalty during which time he will be absent from the club. He has also been placed on the transfer list.”
Several teams are already interested in the Twitter Killer. Sky Sports is reporting that League One Dagenham and Redbridge appear to be the team who will take him on loan for the rest of the season. By the way, their nickname is The Daggers. How convenient is that? Now Morgan doesn’t have to wish death on Aldershot fans. He can make it happen like Mariah Carey. He’ll get to work on that when he gets the ceremonial dagger that I assume is presented to all new Daggers players. It’s stabbin’ time!
The 3.5 long-time readers of the Deuce or people who are familiar with me know that I’ve followed Chelsea for years. Believe you me when I tell you I’m pissed at the way transfers have worked out since last summer. Chelsea owner “Uncle” Roman Abramovich better start splashing the cash on proper players and stop trying to half ass it this month. Then again maybe I and other Chelsea fans should cut him some slack. Transfers haven’t been his thing lately. Here come three recent examples. Wrote a post about it. Like to read it? Here it go.
1. Chelsea, through Abramovich’s wallet, have had pretty good luck getting Africans into the UK. Didier Drogba and Michael Essien among others. Recently it seems like he’s getting cocky after slipping John Obi Mikel and Salomon Kalou’s useless ass into the country. Now he’s just trying to import Africans en masse. Too bad he didn’t count on the British High Commission.
Our favorite oligarch attempted to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro in 1998. He failed miserably due to altitude issues. The lesson was never try.** He was helped down by local porters who were hired to help him climb the mountain. He promised to fly them to London for a Chelsea match as a way to show his gratitude. Unfortunately the British government didn’t trust that they would return to Tanzania after the match. They ended up getting an all-expense paid trip to Moscow for a match instead. It probably came with a skinhead and police beatdown.
Good on Roman for offering to fly them to London but we’re sure he just wanted them around to carry him from Stamford Bridge to his home(s) or wherever else he needs to go. Everyone can see the toll it’s taking on Drogba, Essien, Mikel and Kalou. They need to focus on getting Chelsea back into the top 4 and they can’t do that when they’re on call 24/7. For the love of Gbagbo*, Drogba has malaria!
2. Abramovich is also making bad transfer decisions outside his business life as well. He threw a New Year’s Eve party at his $90 million St. Bart’s estate. One would hope that a man of his means would have discriminating taste like that rich Russian guy on the DirecTV commercials with the mini-giraffe. He doesn’t (beyond his soccer team and girlfriend).
