“I love karate, it’s like a bible to me. But deep inside I’m so I mean, I’m so sensitive.”
-Jean Claude Van Damme

Jean-Claude Van Damme isn’t just a quote mill. He’s also a Kumite champion. He’s conquered every part of the world from Belgium to Hong Kong. There’s only one thing he has left to do and that’s conquer the world of kickboxing.

Last month, Van Damme announced he would take part in a reality series that would culminate in him fighting a real kickboxer in a real match.

The result has to be better than Steven Seagal, Lawman. I would call Seagal a former shell of himself but that would imply the opposite of massive weight gain and less ego.

If Van Damme wants to impress the world, he should enter the Kumite and fight all comers like Jason David Frank. You might know him better as the White Ranger in Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. He’s all growns up into a legit MMA fighter with two wins under his belt and a 15 year grudge against Van Damme.

[Frank's] had it out for Van Damme ever since 1995 when the Muscles from Brussels — who had been Frank’s childhood hero — allegedly blew him off during the premiere of “Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie.”

Frank claims he’ll take Van Damme “anytime, anyplace, anywhere” — and “if [Van Damme's] too scared to come into the Octagon, I’ll even take him on in a kickboxing match.”

Did the White Ranger seclude himself in a mountain hideaway on Mt. Fuji since ‘95 waiting for his moment to strike? If he’s finally ready to man up, he’ll challenge JCVD on the dance floor.

- The funniest home videos are here

Van Damme winning a real kickboxing match would be like the US winning the World Cup. It’s the last thing the world has on us. Once the USMNT visits the president in the White House with the World Cup, the world will know that the US is superior in everything that matters. He might as well retire if he wins. There’s nothing else to be gained. Winning the fake Kumite, the real Kumite, winning a fight against himself (Double Impact), getting a hard-on on Brazilian TV, etc. What’s left?

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