Sometimes I wish I didn’t live in a two bedroom condo in the city. If I had a basement rumpus room (or “Man-cave” as is the mot du présent) every empty space of it would be filled with used crap that I just bought at this ESPN Zone auction that is currently going on right here in Washington DC. You can bid on things online and the auctions start closing on November 16th but you probably have to show up here to Washington DC pick up your crap if you win it.

You absolutely must check out some of the stuff you could own from this joint. Its like you actually could finally own all the stuff that was in that kids’ house on Silver Spoons. Lets take a look at some of the more awesome stuff that could be in your basement or garage if ONLY you had the space for it.

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Tony Reali is the guy who has had a career path that is easy to envy: a New York kid out of Fordham who started off at ESPN as an entry-level researcher/writer, then became “Stat Boy” and soon thereafter, fell into the “Around the Horn” chair.  On television, he comes across as a jovial guy who plays the perfect foil to Tony and Mike on “PTI” while corralling the likes of Bill Plaschke on “Horn” (he gets major points for this).  Apparently, he’s also an extremely passionate intramural soccer player.

A close friend from way back in the day plays in the same co-ed intramural soccer league.  On Monday night, her team faced off against Reali’s in a playoff game.  Here is her story about going up against “Stat Boy:” Read the rest of this entry

Just look how nice that ballpark looks. The new Target Field, home of the Minnesota Twins, looks exactly like what a new and modern baseball stadium should look like. If you don’t believe me, check out the photos from their opening day, the Twins won 5-2 over the Red Sox.  It is, by all accounts, a gorgeous park.  I only wish I had a brand new park to go to that fits so nicely into the cityscape and looks gorgeous on the outside and inside but sadly, I live in Washington DC and the team I follow is the Washington Nationals.

See, the Washington Nationals did just get a brand new baseball stadium, it opened up in 2008, was paid for by the District of Columbia and essentially handed over to the Nationals after being built.  Not taking into consideration how the stadium was built, you’d think I, the baseball fan, would be grateful for not having to watch any more baseball games at RFK Stadium anymore.  You might think that, but strangely enough, while watching games at Nationals Park is a newer and cleaner experience it isn’t necessarily better.  Nationals Park is yet another example of the Washington Nationals franchise missing a chance to have something special and settling for being mediocre.

The best thing I can say about this stadium is that it is new and therefore, relatively clean.  Also, it does have one gorgeous and gigantic big screen tv in the outfield…that doesn’t always work right.  That is about it.  Those 2 things.  Clean stadium, big TV.  Everything else about the park is extremely non-descript, except for the ill-conceived “motion” statues they have in the main entryway to the park.

Does that look like a good idea to you?  Walter Johnson has like 5 arms there.  Kinda weird.  Pretty awful art in my mind.

I understood the want to get away from the red bricked baseball stadiums that had been built before.  I understood the want to have a color scheme to “fit into Washington”…i just don’t think that making the stadium look like HUD was the right call.  Also, doing away with limestone for concrete was a great budget call…but it looks like it.  Its cheap and ugly.  I can go on like this for hours really, but for word count’s sake, i’ll cut it short here by saying, the building was built cutting corners and it shows.

Now, this doesn’t mean I am not going to stop going to the park, its not a horrible experience by any means…just a very bland one.  Its yet another opportunity missed by the Washington Nationals.  A constant reminder of a million ways that the team could’ve tried harder to not take for granted the many baseball starved fans of this city and do something special for them.  Sure you can say “but Chimp, DC built the Stadium, not the Nationals, blame them!” but to that I say, nothing was stopping the Nationals owners from chipping in some cash to make the stadium a magical place.  They didn’t and they got a building built by the government and it looks like a government building. Instead of a shrine to baseball, Nationals Park has all the charm of  a convention center.

I’ll still go to the games, but i’m not going to lie and say that it is going to be a beautiful day at the park.  It’l just be ok…and man am I jealous of what they have up there in Minnesota.

Same sex marriage soon to be legal in DC? Talks to start the Giro d’Italia in DC. Coincidence? We think not!

We see that confused look on your face. You have no idea what the Giro d’Italia is, do you? It’s not an Italian gyro although that sounds damn good. It’s a “premier” European bike race. For some reason, DC mayor Adrian Fenty is pushing to have the race start in DC before heading to Europe. We can’t wait for the Atlantic Ocean leg. There’s also controversy about the race on the other side of the pond.

The Green Left, a Dutch political party, wants the first leg of the race to end with gay men kissing the stage winner instead of women who traditionally handle the duty.

“It should be possible for gay men to celebrate with the winner,” said Fjodor Molenaar, an alderman from the Green Left party, which is part of the city’s governing coalition. One rider in 10 is gay, he said.

The idea has traction in Amsterdam but not with Dutch television executives who are organzing the festivities.

“I don’t even think the race participants want to be kissed by men,” [Albert] van der Meulen said.

A beauty contest is being held to see who wins the honor of kissing the stage winner. Most of the entrants are women but three gay men have entered as well. Amsterdam’s city government will back whoever wins the contest.

Does it matter who kisses the winner? Obviously it matters to some riders but it doesn’t matter to others. Organizers could ask the riders which they prefer but that’s not interesting. The Deuce has a solution that may work for both sides of the debate.

Look to Monty Hall and Wayne Brady. Make it interesting for the athletes and spectators. Do it Let’s Make A Deal style. Have three curtains at the finish. One would hide gay men, another women and the last a chimp or some other animal. The winner has to pick one and kiss whatever’s behind the curtain. It could work out perfectly or he could get screwed. A gay rider has just as much chance of winning or losing as does the straight rider. Viewers can place bets on stage winners as well as what’s behind the curtains. Maybe riders could bet their winnings on the curtains as well. Brady could sing something like this to the winner. Bet the Dutch love that Wayne Brady more than this one. Problem solved.

We’re also available to help solve inter-ethnic conflicts and territorial disputes.