Tony Reali Takes His Intramural Soccer Very, Very Seriously
Tony Reali is the guy who has had a career path that is easy to envy: a New York kid out of Fordham who started off at ESPN as an entry-level researcher/writer, then became “Stat Boy” and soon thereafter, fell into the “Around the Horn” chair. On television, he comes across as a jovial guy who plays the perfect foil to Tony and Mike on “PTI” while corralling the likes of Bill Plaschke on “Horn” (he gets major points for this). Apparently, he’s also an extremely passionate intramural soccer player.
A close friend from way back in the day plays in the same co-ed intramural soccer league. On Monday night, her team faced off against Reali’s in a playoff game. Here is her story about going up against “Stat Boy:”
[The game begins] and I know I recognize this guy but I can’t place him… And then, all of a sudden, it hits me: ‘It’s Stat Boy!’ My ex-boyfriend and I used to watch him on ‘Around the Horn’ all the time. On TV he looks really put together, almost debonair in a way. You know, sharp suit, cuff links, etc. But in person? Not so much. My first impression is that he looks like a dirty, dirty guido [editor's note: Duke and his friend are full-blown Italians: she can say this, I can print it]. His hair looks good when he’s on ESPN, but in person it’s a little too much product for the real world.
Admittedly, our formation was flawed from the start, but it was clear that his team was playing for the title. They matched their guys up against our girls; a tactic that is frowned upon in many intramural sports (emphasis on the recreational nature of this match) for the obvious reasons. It was clear that they were setting up the guys to blow away the girls on defense. I am not a girl looking for double standards, but let’s face it: in a sprinting match against a guy, I am rarely going to win.
Reali was matched up on me most of the night. Perhaps I only took notice of the following things because of his quasi-celebrity status, but I’d like to think that I would openly judge any player who engaged in the following conduct. First, there was the sound he would make on a break away. He’d shout ‘Hoo! Hoo!’ like an owl on steroids hoping to get a pass. I get it, I played soccer all my life. Obviously you want to call for the ball without alerting the other team. However, most players clap, or whistle, or yell a simple ‘hey.’ Let’s just say that the bird calls got old fast.
Second, was the hand-slap. Stat Boy would sub-out frequently. I mean, c’mon, is sprinting past a girl several times while hollering like an owl considered hard work? On one of his ways out he ran past me and high-fived me. Huh? That was a first. We weren’t on the same team and it wasn’t the end of the game. But perhaps the most annoying conduct was that after he beat me on a break away, he’d yell ‘Good Hustle!’ on his way back. In all likelihood he was trying to be a good sport, but it couldn’t have come across more condescendingly. Seriously, telling me ‘Good Hustle’ after you got a shot off before I reached the box is like saying, “Hey, way to run it out! At least you didn’t walk!”
I admit I was getting beat. A lot. This went on for most of the first-half until finally I had one shining moment. I challenged him properly, stripped him of the ball, and just as I was about to dribble past, I feel his leg wrapped around mine and down I go. He tripped me! This wasn’t one of those respectable late challenges where a leg is stuck out usually getting some ball. Nope, this was the most intentional way of him tripping someone without him throwing his arms into me. Unfortunately, it’s on the far sideline too far away for the ref to see, so there is no foul. It was so crappy: you beat me every other time, you got beat by a girl, ONCE. Have some respect and not trip me!
Of course they won, 2-0. Stat Boy is feeling pretty good about himself with his smug smile. His end of the game “Good Game!” hand slap was severely undermined by the fact that my left knee is now black and blue and busted just in time for my triathlon this Sunday. What would Woody and Jay say? [ed. note: probably something that's not funny and/or possibly sexist]. Well, at least he got the hand-slap timing right this time.
In the words of Michael Wilbon, “I’m not surprised.” Italians are notoriously dirty players. To be fair, Reali’s opponent professed to enjoying him on air and didn’t think he was that bad. She was still bitter over the loss, but I’ll let this do the talking (HORN!!!!):
Tagged with: Around the Horn • Bill Plaschke • Guidos • Intramural Soccer • Jay Mariotti • Michael Wilbon • PTI • Tony Kornheiser • Tony Reali • Washington DC • Wilbon is not surprised • Woody Paige
Filed under: Uncategorized
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I played against Stat Boy in a co-ed intramural flag-football league about 4 years ago. In this league, o-line and d-line were allowed contact, so long it was with the same sex.
Tony was rushing the QB, who scrambled left. As the QB was coming back toward the middle of the field, Tony was in hot pursuit so I laid a pretty vicious LEGAL crack-back block on Tony, completely de-cleating him and knocking him on his arse. I felt kinda bad about it but uh, I got over it. We won the game (his team was actually pretty lame).
This woman is obviously a dirty old hag that is bad at soccer, and probably wishes tony reali played on her team.
I watched that game also. I’ll tell you what, that Indian Goal Keeper who played on Tony’s team was smoking hot…
If the girl was so mad about being beat all the time why didn’t they just put a guy on him. That just sounds like bad soccer strategy to me…
i saw stat boy in the apple store in clarendon(inner burb of DC); said a quick hello, like you on PTI. he came across as a bit of a dick.
What kind of moron plays a soccer game only a few days before a triathlon? And then complains about getting hurt in said game? All those months of training just so you can get hurt playing some stupid intramural game during your taper?
Duh.
I just love Tony Reali. I think he is smoking hot and I love watching him play. I must be in the same league bc my team played his three weeks ago and he made my night - he was as nice and sweet as can be.
I used to deal with Riali for my job in DC. Pompous dick.
Wow. Six paragraphs about playing soccer with someone from TV, and you try to make it out as if HE’S the one with issues? Give me a break.
“First, there was the sound he would make on a break away. He’d shout ‘Hoo! Hoo!’ like an owl on steroids hoping to get a pass.”
I prefer the innocuous “Tippy toe!” or the GOB Bluth chicken dance noise.
So it’s ok for a guy to be rough with a girl during an intramural soccer game? Or that you should expect that type of behavior? You guys are jackals. She’s not even making any excuses. Cut her a break. Man, the Internet brings out the big talkers… Better soccer player, feel like a big man with your comment?
Is this girl serious? I want to be funny, but this girl is everything I hate about women. I’d like to call your attention to the following passages from her meandering, feelings hurt, hand-in-the-refrigerator diary entry:
1) “My ex-boyfriend and I used to watch him on ‘Around the Horn’ all the time.” With such a winning personality, I can’t imagine why you two lovebirds broke up.
2) “My first impression is that he looks like a dirty, dirty guido [editor's note: Duke and his friend are full-blown Italians: she can say this, I can print it].” Thanks for the editor’s note, pizano, but I’ll decide what’s offensive. Also, I’m looking at these pics of Tony and I think one ‘dirty’ is sufficient.
3) “They matched their guys up against our girls; a tactic that is frowned upon in many intramural sports (emphasis on the recreational nature of this match) for the obvious reasons.” Wait? We have a formation? News to me, breastpump.
And when you say, “I am not a girl looking for double standards, but…” you fooled me.
4) “I get it, I played soccer all my life.” I question the validity of this statement. Then why are you chubby, emotionally feeble, and easily defeated?
5) “I mean, c’mon, is sprinting past a girl several times while hollering like an owl considered hard work?” Just like a woman to want it both ways. You want Tony in the game, you want Tony out of the game. I want you to want to do the dishes. Why would I want to do the dishes? Make up your damn mind. It’s like Sami Sweetheart when she says Ronnie can go hang out with the boys, for fuck’s sake. Maybe when you get over the fact that TONY REALI TOUCHED YOU (eeeeeee! Text all your girlfriends), you’ll recognize that the handshake only feels patronizing if you suck.
6) ” I challenged him properly, stripped him of the ball, and just as I was about to dribble past, I feel his leg wrapped around mine and down I go. He tripped me!…Unfortunately, it’s on the far sideline too far away for the ref to see, so there is no foul.” Wow, this sounds credible.
7) “…you got beat by a girl…” Are people still saying this? Are you listening to the fucking Spice Girls? Have another cupcake.
“Of course they won, 2-0.” Isn’t this the only thing that matters? F*CK YOU, PAY ME
9) “…my left knee is now black and blue and busted just in time for my triathlon this Sunday.” What a great excuse to sit it out, watch Eat Pray Love, and eat your feelings.
10) “What would Woody and Jay say? [ed. note: probably something that's not funny and/or possibly sexist].” Actually, kind of true.
This girl sucks. I would kick her ass.
WOW, sorry he didn’t ask you to prom, you racist heifer. Not surprisingly, no one on your team is notable enough to have his very own I PLAYED AGAINST A CELEBRITY blog post.
Because I happen to play on the team that beat this girl, I have a few notable comments to share.
Is this girl serious? This is everything I hate about women. She’s the reason guys don’t like playing co-ed.
I’d like to call your attention to the following passages from her meandering, feelings hurt, hand-in-the-refrigerator diary entry:
1) “My ex-boyfriend and I used to watch him on ‘Around the Horn’ all the time.” With such a winning personality, I can’t imagine why you two lovebirds broke up.
2) “My first impression is that he looks like a dirty, dirty guido [editor's note: Duke and his friend are full-blown Italians: she can say this, I can print it].” Thanks for the editor’s note, pizano, but I’ll decide what’s offensive. Also, I’m looking at these pics of Tony and I think one ‘dirty’ is sufficient.
3) “They matched their guys up against our girls; a tactic that is frowned upon in many intramural sports (emphasis on the recreational nature of this match) for the obvious reasons.” Wait? We have a formation? News to me, breastpump.
And when you say, “I am not a girl looking for double standards, but…” you fooled me.
4) “I get it, I played soccer all my life.” I question the validity of this statement. Then why are you chubby, emotionally feeble, and easily defeated?
5) “I mean, c’mon, is sprinting past a girl several times while hollering like an owl considered hard work?” Just like a woman to want it both ways. You want Tony in the game, you want Tony out of the game. I want you to want to do the dishes. Why would I want to do the dishes? Make up your damn mind. It’s like Sami Sweetheart when she says Ronnie can go hang out with the boys, for fuck’s sake. Maybe when you get over the fact that TONY REALI TOUCHED YOU (eeeeeee! Text all your girlfriends), you’ll recognize that the handshake only feels patronizing if you suck.
6) “I challenged him properly, stripped him of the ball, and just as I was about to dribble past, I feel his leg wrapped around mine and down I go. He tripped me!…Unfortunately, it’s on the far sideline too far away for the ref to see, so there is no foul.” Wow, this sounds credible.
7) “…you got beat by a girl…” Are people still saying this? Are you listening to the fucking Spice Girls? Have another cupcake.
“Of course they won, 2-0.” Isn’t this the only thing that matters? F*CK YOU, PAY ME
9) “…my left knee is now black and blue and busted just in time for my triathlon this Sunday.” What a great excuse to sit it out, watch ‘Eat Pray Love,’ and eat your feelings.
10) “What would Woody and Jay say? [ed. note: probably something that's not funny and/or possibly sexist].” Actually, kind of true.
In any game I’ve played with Tony, he’s been a real sport. This girl just has daddy issues.
PS - That emoticon is KILLING my street cred. It’s supposed to be an eight and a parenthesis.
heifer? really? Lets not go there people.
Easy Coach Kelaine, we heard you the first time.
Wow, Kelaine. A misogynist and a user of emoticons? You have a lot to be proud of.
I have to imagine this is a fat girl complaining.
@Siobhan - You misspelled his last name. Did you actually ever have a job?
@chimpanzeerage Confused at why guido is ok but heifer isnt. You cant help being italian, you can help being fat and bitter…
I was at the game, and I’m pretty sure the guy in the purple west shirt and white shorts has a mangina. As the game went on he became sweaty and the shorts became see through. And I swear I saw something that just wasn’t right.
Hypothesis: Tony Reali was playing one on one against a girl. This is unfair.
Assumptions:
1. Both teams must field same number of men and women.
2. Tony Reali is a man. Tits McGee is a woman.
Logic:
1. Tony Reali is playing one-on-one with Tits McGee.
2. If number of men and women in field for each team is equal, it must be true that there is one man from Ms. McGee’s team playing one-on-one with a woman from Mr. Reali’s team.
Conclusion:
Tits McGee doesn’t make sense in her quest for internet glory.
Also, last I checked, women have the edge in soccer when it comes to the USA (2 World Cup titles for women, 9 laughable attempts for the men). So if anything, Reali was being magnanimous.
Isn’t intramural reserved for college? I think “amateur” is the applicable term
I’m not an expert on co-ed leagues, but if they match their guys against your girls, aren’t your guys playing their girls? Were their girls just that much better? If the guys were blowing past your female defense, aren’t their females on defense instead of playing them on offense against you. It sounds like each team was running the same setup. Just seems like sour grapes to me, even the times he may or may not have been friendly are turned into assumed condescension. It’s possible he’s a dick, but this sure sounds like a load of crap to me.
Wanted to chime in here - being italian (which you can’t help) doesn’t make you a dirty guido. Being an orange-skinned, super greasy spiky-haired, steroid-infused over the top buff, closeted semi-homosexual and fully homophobic, narcissitic egomaniacal douchebag makes you a dirty guido!!! At least that’s what one gathers from browsing the internet or watching TV!
This is why overcompetitive guys shouldn’t play in coed rec leagues. Stay classy Washington.
I can corroborate the poor sportsmanship aspect. I played in a social-league basketball game against State Boy. My team was ragtag - we couldn’t afford “fancy jerseys” with “numbers printed on the back” and similar amenities. So, we resorted to the best fix - taping numbers on the back of our t-shirts. As we got sweaty, the numbers would start to peel off.
At one point, the ref told us that if our numbers kept coming off, we’d be assessed technical fouls. Pretty weak ruling. But what was even weaker was when Stat Boy ran around ripping tape off our backs whenever refs weren’t looking from that point on.
He did a number of other egregious things, but this was the worst and most relevant.
I can also corroborate that Tony was never a member of the Swift Boat Campaign he often tells people he spent time with.
Kelaine/GirlsthatCrysuck (same poster) is quite the misogynist asshole, isn’t he? He hates women so goddamn much he posted his hatred spiel twice under separate names.
I though co-ed sports only applied to sports that required heavy drinking like softball or kickball. Not taking any sides here but will pose the same question others have - coed-soccer - really? Are you a naked troll? The sun set on those t-shirts a long time ago.
I can only say that if I were a celebrity of any consonant status I would not play against girls unless I was getting paid.