H/T to Inside Hoops
Did you miss out on Black Friday because you had to spend time with your family? Busy day back at work keep you away from Cyber Monday? Still in that food coma you entered into after that fourth helping of stuffing Thursday night around 2am? Well, I’m here to rouse you from your slumber and let you know Thanksgiving is over and the real holiday season has begun. With Hanukkah just days away and Christmas right around the corner, it’s time to do what Americans do best: buy stuff.
Well, here at the Deuce, we do the hard work so you don’t have to. Here are five items every sports fan should have on their holiday list: Read the rest of this entry
In their two wins, they’ve won by margins of 29 and 42 points. In their one loss, they lost by 26 points. Granted, in their two wins they’ve played the rebuilding Washington Wizards and Minnesota Timberwolves and in their one loss they got manhandled by the pre-season champion Miami Heat but which team is this Orlando squad?
Is this going to be the trend for them all season? Feasting upon the NBA Eastern Conference bottom feeders while getting dominated by the league’s elite teams? This team is supposed to be in contention for the championship this season and dominating these undermanned squads are exactly what title teams should do but are they really good enough to handle the Heat, Lakers and Celtics of the world?
It might take some time to find this out since their next major test isn’t until around thanksgiving when they play the Heat again, unless you count the 5-0 and much improved Atlanta Hawks as a true test…which they really shouldn’t be.
My guess is no, they Magic aren’t quite ready for the title yet. I am thinking the Magic will continue to feast upon teams that have no big man that can handle the likes of Dwight Howard and/or no defensive skills adept enough to handle the way the Magic spread the court with their 3 point field goals…which is pretty much most of the East. While against the more talented NBA teams, this 2 trick pony of a team can and will be shut down just like we saw against the Heat and in the playoffs last season.
I mean, who actually expects Vince Carter to last an entire season at 33 years old? C’mon now, he is due.
Luther Campbell, better known as Uncle Luke, may have slowed down since his 2 Live Crew days but he still runs Miami. He still knows where and how to roll. He was a major booster of the University of Miami football program at its height. Their players had more pull than any other athletes in south Florida. Dolphins players had to beg Hurricanes to get them into clubs otherwise they had to wait on line with the common folk.
Campbell now wants to impart some wisdom to LeBron James and Chris Bosh as they move to Miami. He wrote up a list of rules which should go up on their fridges. If they’re smart, they’ll listen to him and stay out of trouble. Here are a few examples:
Do not drive your own car when you go to South Beach. Just because you got keys to the city doesn’t mean the police are not waiting for you to get drunk and behind the wheel to lock your ass up. Part of Miami Beach’s publicity campaign is to put superstar athletes and celebrities in jail. And get yourself a white driver if you go through Overtown unless you want the police to shoot you for DWB (driving while black).
Do not buy a house in Dwyane Wade’s neighborhood because thieves will jack your car’s rims. And avoid Star Island at all costs. Some wild, rich sex orgies be going up in there. You don’t want to get caught up in a scandal. Shaq bought a house on Star Island, and he ended up in a messy divorce. Find a nice place in Broward, like Southwest Ranches, where Udonis Haslem lives.
Do not go to the strip club without me. I’ll be able to tell you which girls are the true exotic dancers and which ones are the skanky hoes. I took D-Wade to the strip club when he first got here. I schooled him so he never got jammed up with any strippers. And when going to venues like LIV and the 400 Club, be on the lookout for gold diggers masquerading as models. Those places are a gold diggers playground.
This is knowledge for life. No way LeBron and Bosh would get this information from Will Smith. He’d just try to convert them to Scientology or give them some useless dating advice from Hitch.
Some of you might not know how Luke got down at his height. Watch out for gold diggers and enjoy. NSFW language.
Buzz Bissinger has come a long way since ripping Will Leitch a new one on HBO in 2008. The first step was appearing at Gelf Magazine’s Varsity Letters later that year. His attitude hasn’t changed. The anger management problem is still there and acknowledged. The rage is just directed at more appropriate people like LeBron James.
The Friday Night Lights author appeared on The Dan LeBatard Show with Stugotz on last Tuesday and set off a verbal Claymore mine talking about everything LeBron. Bissinger spent time with James while writing his biography, Shooting Stars. It’s an understatement to say that he has a strong impression of King James. He calls the book “the worst one [he's] ever written” for starters.
Listen to the whole interview here. Click on the audio from Tuesday 8/3/2010 5:00-7:00 PM.
If you don’t have time to listen to the whole thing, here are some of the highlights.
On LeBron: “The man I met was down to earth. I thought there was a decency to him even though he was huge then and spectacular and I found it very, very attractive. I think when free agency came around, it completely changed. It began on Larry King when he appeared during the playoffs which I thought was inappropriate and it culminated in the most ridiculous, endless and worst hour of television in history which was this thing called The Decision…”
In regards to Cleveland and the Cavaliers: “He doesn’t really care.”
On Gloria James: His mom is a problem in his life. The worst interview I’ve ever done. The biggest prima donna I have ever dealt with. The biggest pain in the ass I have ever dealt with was his mother.
…She thinks she is Queen LeBron. She is not.”
It wasn’t all bad for LeBron. Bissinger did give him credit for having some redeeming qualities and hoped they are still there. He used the example of LeBron offering to pay for one of his teammates to go to Howard University while they were still in high school.
Bissinger also ripped ESPN and played Douche or No Douche which is a regular LeBatard Show feature. Give the whole interview a listen if you have time. It’s entertaining and gives some different insight into LeBron. The best thing about it? It hasn’t been pulled like an Arash Markazi story.
Stick around after the Bissinger interview to hear the Ron Magill show segment which is usually every Tuesday at 6. Your most random questions about animals will be answered.